/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>130142
If you don't share interests, there's just nothing to talk about. A guy can pretend to care about your day sure but how long could that conversation last really? I don't know why people don't bring this up more often but if you don't share interests it's likely just not going to work out long term because you'll only be interacting for sex or you'll be forcing some half-assed interest like you mentioned. The big issue is there isn't really a lot of overlap between what most guys are into vs what most women are into and this is only exacerbated by internet algorithms. I really don't know why women go around assuming as long as there's an initial spark it'll all eventually work out in the end. Relationships take a lot of work from both parties and sometimes you're just not made for each other.

People in general and especially men are increasingly immature. The vast majority of people try their best in romantic relationships and often fail themselves despite their best intentions. Good relationships come with serendipity, it takes patience, persistence, and an openness to be surprised.

>>130142
this checks out all the boxes for a man that wants a gf just to take, never to give. so many men dont even like women or are interested in them in any other way than that they want someone to be nice to them, ask them about stuff and all of that. if they dont even want to know who you are and whats going on with you, they dont really love you, they just want a relationship with pretty much just someone to feel less lonely.

>>130298
>I always find it astonishing when I hear of people who found therapy to be effective… It seems like this is more of a rare case, in which you need to be lucky to get paired with the right one who actually listens to you. I'm very glad therapy helped you overcome hurtful memories and experiences, I think those tend to hold one back a lot later in adulthood.
The first therapist messed me up (not personally just using the wrong method - CBT). My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours. It was a great way for me to get over trauma and for my body to actually release the stored stress (that was rough lol). Ever since then I've been trying to be more outgoing, and I actually want to be too.

>I would love to join a book club but unfortunately I'm even too anxious to leave the house. My autism isn't displayed when I talk only, for some reason "normal" people can clock it immediately when seeing me. Maybe due to gestures, I don't know eugh (it's exhausting).
How about attending a talk or a lecture on a subject you enjoy? You can sit at the back and not talk to anyone, but you're still in a group of people who want to focus on the same thing. I've been to a few and it still feels 'social' without having to be proactively social if that makes sense? Also you'd be surprised at the amount of people who don't care about your autism or awkwardness, there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)

>Do you have advice on how to do that? I know people pay tons of money to get one done professionally. Also thank you again for your kind words!! :3
You absolutely don't need to spend money. There's so many useful posts on Pinterest + IG for it, I think as long as you understand the difference between contrast, saturation and cool/warm that's all you really need. I initially didn't like the colours for my season, but once I saw myself in the mirror wearing them I was like "Ok maybe there's something to this after all…"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqE4EPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I relate anon, I can't get out of bed until 1 or 2 or 3 some days, I have crippling anxiety and am unable to find any joy in life sometimes. My only cope is to remind myself I've gotten out of similar ruts in the past but even then it can only do so much for me. I want to kill myself but I'm too scared to go through with it, I want to feel better but I'm not able to even find joy in the smallest things, I just want to rip all my anxiety and sadness out of my brain and let it fade off so I can be happier but I just can't

>>130288
my doctor wont prescribe stimulants for my adhd because I am fat and my blood pressure is too high T.T

>>130300
>My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours.
That does sound helpful, and even though I didn't go to therapy because of childhood trauma, I wish mine was like that too. I wish she would give her professional insights on my problems but instead, she just invalidates every single one of mine. I tell her I have issues with masking constantly since I was a child, and her response to these kinds of things is "No, you don't seem to have that problem"?? It's like going to the doctor because your knee hurts, and they just tell you "No, your knee doesn't hurt. I think you're just imagining the pain!" She also told me that I cannot be autistic because my of my good ability read and write, and because I can feel emotions (I thought she was kidding me but no). What she probably meant was that I cannot be autistic because I'm a woman lol.
>there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)
Well that sounds encouraging, I have met extroverts before who were very kind to me, I guess they liked that I'm quiet because that gave them more space to talk hah. I think I will try to attend such meeting, and if it sucked, I won't have to see the people ever again.
>Keep posting here with updates:) I believe in you!
Thank you anon, I will update under this thread in a month or two from now, I'll try to do as much of your advice as I can!

>>130301
I'm really sorry about that, but I am positive that we can make it out of it. As you have said, you were able to pull yourself out before a couple of times. Also I think it helps to hear of other nonas who went through the same and got better eventually. I think putting in a bunch of effort is worth a try, no matter how hard it will be.
>>130303
Hmm, I have heard of obese people being prescribed stimulants such as vyvanse for weightloss since it suppresses your hunger a lot… Maybe make him aware of that. You'd solve two problems at once.

you will never be a woman

cuz a woman has a womb, not a man

you can never be a woman

that's tough for some folks to understand

you will never be a woman

try as you might you look like cher not snow white

and while they take our rights away

you're up at night deciding if you're queer, bi or gay
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If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms

If things are gonna get better tell me a 'when' and a 'where'.
Sitting and staring in the mirror, nobody's there,
That I know, feeling so alone and I'm scared that nobody cares.
My nights consist of so many prayers.
I once had so many dreams, I once was going somewhere.

Elwynn Forest… Home…

Unknown, Little Scarlet.

>>130213
>Validation from men?

Kinda, yeah. And I don't like how it resolved the issue /for me/ either. It's not what I recommend to everyone else - it's how it naturally happened for me.

Actually seeing how no-one gave a shit about the things I mentioned, especially the man I chose to be intimate with, just changed my view on how my body looks. It's like at that moment I understood that as long as I workout, eat healthily (most of the time) and try to look after myself then the rest is ok.

Plus I've explored my spirituality a lot more which has shifted my mindset, not to sound negative at all, but to me this body is a temporary vehicle to explore the world before I return home, a vehicle that was gifted to me so I should treat it with care - I don't identify so heavily with it's 'flaws' anymore.

Psilocybin (magic mushrooms)
LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide)
DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) and Ayahuasca
Ketamine (dissociative anesthetic)
Salvinorin A (found in Salvia divinorum)
Ibogaine and Mescaline

>>130213
Have you never had a man validate you?

Why should your value be tied to your looks or approval from others?

>>130249
It doesn't have to be but some people will treat you like shit for refusing to play the game. You can make the personal decision to just not care what others think but it can be an alienating stance for people who aren't strong enough to deal with what comes after.

You're not being too stubborn at all, I think you are noble, and I'm sorry about your miscarriage nona

>My ex says I'll grow out of it but,

Babe, that's not true. He either has no empathy or doesn't understand. You don't just grow out of something like that. It's your child. Even if it was a miscarriage, it is still your child.

It's always okay to feel how you feel, and your feelings don't suddenly go away or change, it's still you despite everything. You don't magically grow out of yourself.

If you've already broken up once, then he's an ex, and exes are exes for a reason. Clearly not compatible and not on the same wave length. It has nothing to do with age either. The cycle of breaking up and getting back together happens with teenagers, those in their 20s, those in their 30s, those in their 40s, etc. It's just a clear sign that they aren't the right person for you.

Sex isn't love either. Love is genuinely caring, being compassionate, having empathy, supporting, and being able to relate to how you feel without dismissing it as "Bro just grow out of it"

>sex genuinely hasn't brought me much good in my life

Sex isn't for everyone. For many people (both men and women) it's just entertainment. Men use women to entertain themselves. Women use men to entertain themselves.

Some women like to cater to those men and talk dirty ("my pussy is sooooo wet", "And I would really look forward to you fucking my boobs fast and hard with your dick until you explode all over them", "Which position do you want to try anal in first?" or "I’d also really enjoy if you lick both of my holes from behind while I’m on all fours mmm" etc), talk about various sex acts such as blowjobs, different positions, anal sex. It's all about catering to him and validation or they want to feel 'desired' and 'wanted' as if they are only useful for entertaining him sexually. The "PICK ME" women. The women who feel like they're not attractive enough so they have to go far and harder to appeal to men sexually.
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I want to sincerely thank everyone in this thread.

I come to find out he has been cheating on me during the whole thing, and has become unrecognizable from the man I love. I haven't asked for him back or anything, but am I even more hurt? Naturally, it also turns out he's also a side piece so I'm just glad I wasn't the only one "hurt".

During the whole reveal, he wants to claim accountability but all he has done is try and justify his actions.

I hold no ill towards the other woman, in fact, I wish she drains him even more. He gave up faithfulness and love for someone who ended up seeing him as a walking bank account.

I'm glad I miscarried.

>>130233
I don't really have any words that could make you feel better but I just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you

>>130233
It take strength to say no to the hookup culture and you did the right thing. It's always better to have a men of quality than a quantity of men, it's a lesson we all have to learn one way or another.
Good luck finding the right one, don't give your trust too easily.

I keep thinking about how actions speak louder than words. If I am willing to sacrifice more and more every time I learn, it would mean that I probably do believe. That's how I'll tell.

>>130208
There are old paintings and other works of art depicting Jesus surrounded by the sun. It's said the sun is emblematic of his love. Always giving everything with nothing requested in return; in other words pure unconditional love. In that sense every non sentient object around us is love and when we die we will return to that pure state of love. There are schools of thought who say we can access this state of pure love even while still living through awakening to our true selves. I find these world views fascinating and they seem to connect lots of old world spirituality together

>>130210
>love
Well, that could tie back to this thread's topic too. I don't think seeing another one's suffering is necessarily sadistic. I think it could nurture empathy and love, too.

That's a pretty interesting paragraph you got here. I like it.

>>130211
It is said to awaken to your true self is to realize you are not your thoughts or emotions. You exist independently from them in a state of pure awareness. You are the space between thoughts. You are the silent observer. This connection to consciousness is present in all of us and connects us as one.

Actually, to be honest, I remember now that I do actually want to leave some kind words for the guys who say they never get any support or anything. It is what I would want for myself, and I was in that position where I needed to be seen. That's why sometimes I want to reach out, and say "I was there, I saw you".

One time I did just that. I supported some random guy online just by a few encouraging words. (just because he was eccentric and I enjoy people like this) He basically spent the next few days obsessing over that one "empathic" event. I actually spoke to him later a lot and he told me nobody hardly ever initiated conversations like me. Which is surprising because he seemed so much more socially active????

There was also another guy I talked to like twice a year and he seemed to be thankful for that. I think talking about our worries helped us steer away from the boiling point.

Ultimately though this kind of support makes your relationship feel way too intimate. Which is just inviting temptation and it is no good. I'd rather stick to CC and support other women on /feels/ I guess.

It's sad, I wish I could spread this feeling of familiarity, recognition… something like it. I think social interaction is pointless without it.

You have to persist and heal…. you're in the unfortunate circumstance of a catch 22. If you come out with your story he'll probably use whatever resources are at his disposal to dismiss and call you crazy, but you'll have a chance to give him a criminal record and maybe even put him on the sex offender registry. If you dont come out he'll continue to live his life but you will suffer in multitude of ways-your opportunities seem to already been shot due to this asshole. Unfortunately the entertainment industry is fillled with Moids who abuse those they deem lower then them. I know, I used to rub elbows with a prominent musician in the local music scene in nyc before he sexually coerced me into having sex with him.

I dont think my way of going about healing will help you. It might get you in more hot water actually…. but theres a saying that "haters make you famous." If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report. But thats going to require you to be able to stand your ground and refuse to become "blacklisted" cause some rich kid asshole wants to paint you as the villain. If you dont come out, you're going to live a life that you initially didnt choose for yourself because you were afraid of what might happen if you did. I believe you. I honestly do. But you gotta be prepared of people with internalized misogyny dismissing your trauma because of bulllshit.

Whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you. I didnt go to the police with my assault. But i did end up harrassing my assaulter in subtle ways cause i was a teenager and very, very stupid but persistent. However, I'm in therapy now and im continuously facing my trauma head on doing so. And! The man who coerced me is no longer in the music scene (as of right now. And it better stay like that ^_^)

I highly recommend therapy. I'll link some different types of therapy in the reply to this so youll have a more informed opinion when you choose to seek it.

>>128076
>I really thought he was going to be able to work on and uplift my work before he left.
loool

>>128077
Thank you, this is a really kind response and unfortunately most people don't understand you'll just be rubbing shoulders with so many abusive people in this industry it can all just blur together. People can laugh all they want, but the reality of working in theater is working with abusers 24/7 and learning to adapt in that environment as a woman. It's nice to see someone else in the city who really gets it.

>If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report
Fortunately, I have the texts of him admitting to it and us talking about me being referred to SA survivors group therapy. This isn't my first time going through something abusive, so I know what's required to get an investigation started, at least. I do have enough.

I'm conflicted, as I'm not really looking for revenge, more so to get those opportunities back and be part of my school environment. I spent so much time defending him and being a clear emotional wreck, people have really distanced themselves from me. Some people know due to a third party being really nosy about the abuse too and making it all about them for some weird reason. I'm worried I lost my casting eligibility going forward in school shows, too, not that my academics reflect that treatment. It's just academic sexism. I also worry part of me would always feel guilty for ruining his life, which is a crazy thing to say about someone who put their hand down my shorts after asking them not to, while I froze, blaming it on his ADHD and then not medicating. He's apologized ceaselessly, he'll say things like "nobody has anything to apologize for but me," "I understand if you hate me," or "I'll hate myself for this forever," but the only person hurting in any material way is me. I really wanted us to just break up like normal people, but this has so fucked up my life…

>I highly recommend therapy
I started going over the Summer after this happened. My provider is great, but I'm open to other options because I'm not feeling like it's enough and don't love IFS therapy rn, so thanks for your link. <3

>>128077
OP here. I did it. I did it all. The title ix, the play on my own. I think about your reply all of the time so I just wanted you to know. Thank you for your advice as it was instrumental to my decision making process. You were 100% right, and thankfully I do have enough evidence and witnesses I will probably win.

I somehow have multiple +180cm friends and family members old and young, they all complain about it and have horrible posture because they're afraid of standing up straight(bent knees, hunched back). They say they're attracting too much attention and younger ones say they get made fun of. They should be glad they're statuesque and you should be glad you're cute.

>>129794
>you should be glad you're cute.
doesnt really match my personality and the traits that i wanna present. wish there was a way to trade

>>129785
> Muscular looks weird, fat looks weird
hard disagree, unless we're talking obese or too muscular/too low fat percentage, n that case it looks off-putting no matter the height

there are some benefits if you ignore looks. short people have lower centers of gravity and are far more aerodynamic. gives you an insane advantage when biking.
beyond that, i haven't noticed any perks to being short, just many small humiliations.

>>130229
If you're smaller you need less food too I guess

>>130200
>So what should I do?
be my friend instead