/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>119369
also, you are purposefully ignoring me mentioning my first boyfriend who was always horny but only for me, 8 years that relationship lasted.
also, my standards are high, and i wouldnt go out with a cheater, the cuckness is just a (i accept, deranged) fetish.

>>119372
>my standards are high
>dates trash

Yeah checks out

When its a pickme stranger, sure, I feel frustration. But when its my own mom who repeatedly promotes misogynist propaganda, when I just want to spend quality time, it hurts. Yet mom is supposed to love me in a way only a mother could, and not hate our own entire sex. It rots away whatever self worth I had left inside.

Finally was on a day trip with mom. She started talking about topics like the 4B movement, and I mentioned how men hate women, we agreed theyre getting more dangerous etc. Mom comes out with, "I was wondering when men were going to turn on these modern feminist bitches", saying how women are so meeaann to men, and basically we have it coming. Mom made a fist, saying that she hates women who try to take mens jobs like firemen policemen etc. I said I wish she would hate the men who rape and murder us, and she said yeah I do. Doesnt feel like it.

I then remembered a repressed memory of me wanting to be a policewoman when I was 5 due to TV influence, and how mom crushed this dream of mine (I dont want to nowadays for other reasons, but still). Mom told me it was for men only, and shamed me, so did my older brother. When I was like 11, I wanted to play drums and guitar, but mom said that was for boys only, same with martial arts (would have helped, I got bullied a lot). Yet mom praised my female cousin when she learned these instruments, and a stacy who bullied me for winning martial arts awards (also complimented the stacys natural beauty, features I dont have, etc). I wonder if these crushing moments of my various interests/dreams made me into the loser NEET that I am..

Again, hearing this from my own mom is soul crushing, esp as Im very introverted, afraid to go outside on my own due to moid danger, and have no friends. I grew up with DV so youd think mom would know better, but no, the battered housewife mentality is probably permanent.

As for dealing with my pickme mom, is it worth it to try to talk with mom so she stops hating women? Maybe shell come around. But its probably all in vain, as mom is a boymom through and through.

Before this convo happened today, I thought, I want to help mom see the error of her misogynist ways, so that this year, on International Womens Day, she wont demean it like she does every year. Should I even bother?

>>119542
Screw it, might as well add the other stuff. See if anyone can relate, or if anyone wants a laugh at this bizarre fucked up family dynamic involving a pickme/boymom.

In our recent convo quoted above, mom also said, life would suck without men (HAHA), how she hates dykes (shell probably accuse me or question me if I am one, even though Im straight, if I keep explaining mens true nature and why I want to be separate from men as much as possible). Mom kept calling modern women who-oores, and I said thats what men say they want which influences women to behave sexually that way, that men are way more whorish than women. Mom brought up how women are so fucked up now (meaning, not feminine, shaved heads or blue hair, tattoos, and meeeannn to mens feewings). I said maybe its a result of trauma or abuse from men (not that a woman needs a reason, baby steps..). She said, oh I never knew that, so maybe something clicked?

Another time, mom said how she cant say no to men esp my brother. My brother is in his late 30s, yet he commands mom at all hours to make him a full meal, a snack, tea, clean up dog shit, or do his laundry (he only recently stopped telling mom about laundry past 12am, she usually stays up and even irons his clothing, complaining to me about it). Mom drops everything, incl if we were having a private convo or she was helping me with something, to fulfill my brothers command. As they leave, my brother glares at me before he turns around and walks away, so he can rat me out if he sees that I have a negative facial expression of annoyance. If I do and he sees, they both guilt trip me, accusing me of hating them both, when I just want my mom to stop hating herself and for my brother to leave me alone. When my brother commands mom to do whatever, he thinks hes a nice guy because he says "you dont have to do it right now". Mom then leaves me to wait while they have entire convos, so I just give up and do a hobby alone.

My brother orders mom around daily, to the point it feels like elder abuse. Its a subtle daily exhausting effect, not obvious extreme stuff like hitting. Mom neglects her own health issues, and I worry that my brother will compound them into something serious one day. Mom complains to me in private that shes tired, sometimes has to pretend shes sleeping, hiding in her room with her light off, so that he leaves her alPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

idk. i fart on my bf of 3 yrs on purpose.

What does it mean if your BF/husband is really (pardon the pun) anal about not farting on or around you? Mine basically is like an inverted version of yours: really weird about sleeping together due to fart related issues, only he's more concerned about farting on me than me farting on him. He is pretty serious about this as he insisted on us having two beds in our bedroom when we bought/furnished our house. When I asked him what made him so shy about farting in front of others he said he grew up with his Mom telling stories about his grandpa never farting or going around the house shirtless, and it stuck with him as the right thing to do. His story seems to check out but nevertheless sometimes I worry that he's actually concerned about my farts and is saying he is trying to protect me from his farts just to be polite.

>>118617
Why are you dating a 3 year old isn’t that illegal

Does he also expects you not to shit too? Farting is such a non issue unless you sit on his face and give him pinkeye.
He’s childish, eat some chipotle , fart and break up.

>>119549
Not that you have to be happy about funky smells, but recognizing it as a natural body phenomenon is …the bare minimum? Everyone farts, I fart at least three times a day.
Anyway I think that men like your bf over idealize women into these “pure beings” and end up disappointed when they don’t live up to it. But maybe I’m schizo and overblowing the whole thing.

>>119516
OP HERE… I’m not even a people-person— I’m so over, ladies.

I'm not a people person either, but I love teaching and working with kids. I didn't like it at first, it grew on me once I had cultivated the right skills. But it's definitely not for everyone
. How far into your program are you?

>>119521

I haven’t even started!
This semester I’m actually taking a class about it and I’m required to have some field experience. But we are still easing into the course so we’re only signing up to eventually visit a school.

Though it’s comforting to find someone who’s in the field and isn’t a people-person. I just thought that since I’m so shy and anxious maybe I’m not fit to be any kind of teacher.

I've watched hundreds of videos on teachers talking about quitting.

I don't think it's worth it. Low pay, almost dead end and the kids are getting increasingly psychopathic and narcissistic. The administrative policies are "mechanisms of anxiety" as Mark Fisher puts it 10 years ago. They exist not for the welfare of the students or the welfare of the teachers, but to appease external agencies, media and the general population. You'll realize that you spend maybe 20% of your actual work hours in class while the rest of it is just preparation, paperwork, interacting with parents, navigating the administration (politics) and self-reporting.

This is something I have also been working on.
When people say no or give you a neutral answer, does all the stuff that you get anxious about happen? Do you cause a scene? No.
Most sane people will not take a no or you saying your opinion or giving input as something to make a scene over, or dislike you for it. Keep in mind, the people who like people pleasing like low self esteem women for the wrong reasons and like doormats. Those are not the kind of people that should be pleased! Being assertive and honest is not obnoxious or rude. You can still be kind and pleasant and sweet and polite while having boundaries and stating your opinions and giving input and being honest!

I have good assertiveness days, and bad assertiveness days. If I feel worn down by constant moid harassment, or if I wake up and randomly start thinking of the nagging memories of said harassment, I dont feel the energy necessary to be assertive and on guard. I feel like I need to just go with the flow to get people to STFU and get out of my way, so to speak.

For example, yesterday my brother brushed off the snow off the family vehicle he finally let me use even tho he has his own 2. I thought wow thats nice of him. Then he hit me with, "Theres still the trashbag of dog crap in the trunk, could you get it out?" He could have done it, but I know Id catch flack from him and mom for saying this or refusing, so I just said yeah. It felt like Im on autopilot to just say yes to peoples requests. Ugh Im such a coward.

Another factor is that peoples boundary violations catch me off guard. Im a little slow at thinking of responses, or how to socially navigate a situation where I dont have the upper hand. So even if I immediately give in, I usually seethe about it for a while after until I think of a way to "correct" the boundary violation, ie. thinking of how to word something so that I retract my original "yes Ill do xyz" response.

Wish I wasnt such a people pleaser. But there are times I finally learned to say no, as a complete sentence, no less. Its just something I have to relearn daily and be conscious of.

>>118904
>I constantly do things and look up for others wellbeing, opinions, feelings or anything for avoiding conflict and just trying to get along and feeling accepted.

Only do it if it's mutual

>>118904
The issue with being kind and caring about the wellbeing, opinions and feelings of others is that is that likely, you WILL be abused, he WILL get taken advantage of for it, at some point or another.

Be glad you're not a narcissist. You should go out and live for yourself and do things that you enjoy and hopefully you will run into the right people for you.

Don't go out of your way for others who will just abuse you in the end. Try to find people who are similar to you and vibe with you.

I often think about why I am such a people pleaser and I realize that there is something insidious about it. One of the reasons why I do this because I want to get closer and be part of their life. I managed to people please the heck out of few people that they became so dependent on me for emotional support that even I got scared about how creepy it got. It felt like I was playing Persona with S Links and I'm not even joking in here.

Another reason is fear of missing out. I want to know everything and be everywhere.

Stop romanticizing some old man. Think about your situation from an outsider's perspective. Imagine being his wife.

>>119416
I managed to get a bit closer than before.
>Imagine being his wife.
Yes, I feel bliss imagining that.

He quit. I may see him for a few more days for his exit procedure to complete and after that it's over. Something in me is still in denial and can't believe that he will be gone soon.

>>118720
I think the point is OP doesn't like girls who center their lives on the male gaze but act like they don't or identify with cultures/philosophies that are supposed to decenter men

>>117486
>>117415
>>117429
>>117466
>>118114
Since this thread has expanded beyond pickmes to include all women who get shitty with other women over men:
Have you ever seen the dynamic where a less popular girl in a group becomes like a target for having some validating experience with men/a man?
Something like this happened among my friends years ago. The girl who was easily the least popular/confident/respected among us nevertheless became the first to get married. Right after she got engaged she became a subject of malicious gossip way more than she had been before. Most of us got over it as the years went on but I'm pretty sure this one girl is still bitter about it. like she takes every available opportunity to post unflattering pics of the less popular girl and her husband, or just post unflattering pics of her in general. Is she jealous that the less popular one got married before she did?

>>119325
my theory is she was only "less popular/respected" within the context of your friend group (i.e. maybe the rest of you are kind of shitty?) and outside of this hierarchy she might thrive, especially in the context of relationships with greater intimacy (marriage) which of course would set off the person or people who internally know how much they're lacking in that department or feel the clock ticking on traits they might've felt were their ticket into social success.

>>119325
also, how "unpopular" is she really if she's still being talked about to this day? even respected. no one punches down. not really.

So what are the signs or red flags of subtle pick me women?

I think WWII veteran worship and viewing the 1950s in an overly positive way are some red flags a woman could be a pick me. Of course there could be exceptions, but its a pattern Ive noticed.

But Im sure there are other red flags that show pickmeitis, such as?

you're only 26, you can just wait it out and see what happens

there's better men that aren't geriatric don't waste your youth

I'm in an age gap relationship. I'm in my early to mid twenties, he's in his late thirties.

It's worth a try, you might find genuine love. I like his friends too and we have lovely times together. We've been together for nine months and this is the first time I've ever felt loved. Some s here might think this is a big meme but there can be huge comfort found with older men, and not in a daddy issues sort of way. I'm someone this sort of relationship is right for - age gaps are not for everyone.

Thing is, as an aside irrelevant to your post, I'm also a big autist so I'm always worrying about unnecessary things or not making decisions about things which do matter. Lately I feel like I'm often on the brink of breaking up with him because of things of which age is a contributing factor - his stubbornness, his plans to donate his sperm. He's also a Tate fan. Honestly I don't care what people believe but he harps on about him and I get this close to telling him to shut the fuck up. I haven't broken up with him yet because I can't tell if I make myself feel upset because I feel I should or if I actually feel upset. But this is an individual thing; my friend is with an older man and he's more liberal leaning.

So yeah there are ups and downs. You need to make him lay everything on the table. Make it very clear that the younger partner gets the short end of the stick. Make sure this relationship is loving and worthwhile, because as a young woman you do have plenty of options. Think about if you want to help him into his adult Pampers and ensure he's stocked up on Viagra.

>>119490
Washing the professor's beakers isn't "experience in the lab"

youre the retard

I feel like this is fake

you are shallow. so what are you going to do about it?

>>119323
That it only looks fem if their ass is big kek.

>>119332
but like… in society, attraction to men is expressed from a feminine perspective and position. dressing up as women and connecting with that feminity is a way for them to connect with that attraction to men

I like feminine accents on men like small earrings, floral prints, and understated necklaces and rings.

No shame in not wanting men to invade our clothing sections or other areas that are supposed to be for us, in addition to our changing rooms and bathrooms, where they can and do SA women and girls.

Listen to your gut feeling. Theres nothing wrong with feeling disgust or creepiness about a male. Dont be gaslit or shamed about feeling bad that you feel disturbed about a potential predator trying to blend into your demographic. Men do this so they can access our vulnerable spaces, and/or get away with rudeness towards you, claiming "youre a hateful bigot!" if you defend yourself from his verbal/other attacks. The subtle or obvious tyranny of the consequences for refusing to use his fetish derived language in the workplace, or everywhere depending on the place, is only 1 part of mens attack on women.

Not really Icked out, but they always look ridiculous.