/feels/ - Advice & Venting

stop deleting the replies janjan. if there's anyone who would sympathize with SA victims it's obviously women. imagine protecting moid behavior

>>120177
Us women are better than men btw

I always heard my Mom calling out "Bonnie" (my recently deceased dog) during the beginning of the 2nd verse of this song.
Idk why, it might be due to a chemical deficiency in my brain, as that same verse puts it, but it has disturbed me for the past 9 years, ngl…

>>107666
So what if you can see
The darkest side of me

>>106385
I don't know if I buy this, I think it depends on how you teach radfem to your son. Guys literally throw a shitfit if you tell them that rape is bad after all, so ingraining it into them from a young age seems like the only viable solution.

>>120740
Left: countries that make divorce illegal through real or soft laws
Right: countries that acknowledge that women deserve at least one or two rights, maybe more

Anyway you can't honestly be in defense of a slave institution like marriage, what fucks kids up isn't step parents it's bad parents. Always has been.

You do not want a family. It will make shit worse.

>>124603
Hava nagila

>>124603
I hate being alone. I want to fall in love, I want to be part of something.
A family seem right.

I don't know about ADHD itself, but ADHD symptoms may be caused by other things like trauma (cptsd) or nutrient deficiency. (like the first post nona said)
If you're always distracted by bad memories or are dissociating (spacing out) it could easily be trauma.

>>122231
I want to help you but we need more info. What does your day look like? What are you eating? How are you sleeping? I find my life is very heavily dominated by the main tenants of sustenance:
1. Eating well. Fast food, sodas, sugar, lack of vegetables, etc. hits us harder than neurotypicals. We must feed ourselves with care. High protein breakfasts are a necessity if you want your meds to work.
2. Sleeping. You must get consistent sleep and sleep at the same time every day. Obviously you can have a few days off, but I find the further I stray from my schedule the harder it is to get back. You’re also going to need more sleep than a neurotypical. Your brain works harder to do what our society requires of us, so we need more sleep.
3. Outside structure. We need to leave the house every day (which can be so hard with executive dysfunction). We also need outside structure… If you expect yourself to manage your life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. My grandpa has ADHD. When he was six years old, his teacher told his mother, your son is going to need a really good secretary! He’s lucky he’s been able to own his own business and do just that. He pays her extra to manage his whole life. Be upfront with bosses/professors/friends that you appreciate being held accountable. You don’t have to (I would even advise against it) share that you have ADHD.
4. Just stuff like exercise and socializing go a long, long way. Daily routines you can rely on and go back to but that don’t trap you. Learn how you learn, learn what helps you. Try new things. I find when I get stuck places putting on a TV show or some music helps immensely. It gives me just enough dopamine to get unstuck or stop doomscrolling. Stuff like that.

Life with ADHD is so, so fucking hard. It’s just enough of a disability to ruin your life but not enough for other people to believe it’s actually a disability. But there IS hope, and being medicated is a huge start. Is there something specific you are trying to do? I have various strategies I’ve developed for various things. They’re not foolproof. My biggest piece of advice is sleep. Everything for me comes back to sleep.

>>122250
youre so right this is a solid four point list to get my life in order. Food may be the biggest obstacle for me ngl i am very nervous of cooking meat … i will learn asap (my girlfriend is currently trying to teach me how to cook well)

the things i am trying to do? mostly academic things. i'm an undergrad student, i dislike my course (was pushed into it by family) but i'm finishing my penultimate year now so i might as well get the damn degree ..

i struggle with getting the coursework done because i really don't enjoy it. this is the biggest stressor in my life right now, i just don't like the stuff, so it's hard to get myself to do these things. Alas.
and i will keep sleep in mind. I've always known i sleep a TON .. never knew it could be cause of the adhd !

>>122246
forgot to respond to this one in my recent reply..
Yes i am also diagnosed w/ ptsd, though i never gave a thought to its 'interactions' with my adhd. working on finding regular counselling!

I feel like I'm the guy from that Nolan movie who has to write literally every single thing down or else he's going to forget it after 15 minutes. Except, it's just a minute for me. I'd be thinking of something and I'd say to myself "I can remember this I don't need to write it down" and they often end up being famous last words - so for now, writing everything down seems to be helpful.

Also, I am starting to use a reward system to do things. If I don't like studying from something, I try to find something else that's more interesting. If I study for 4 hours, then I can eat a pack of chips. If I study for 8 hours, then I can watch a movie that has a runtime of 2 hours. I sometimes end up rewarding myself and then I go into debt.

ADHD brains can do something only if 1. you feel it's important to you in an emotional way, 2. it's something novel - but once you lose that sense of novelty you give up, 3. it's a challenge (like videogames) - but once you feel accomplished you just end up giving up, and 4. it comes with a deadline attached with huge consequences (getting screamed at, getting fired, etc.) - you have to mind trick yourself into making sure that everything that you do falls into these 4 points - eg. if there is no deadline make a deadline happen. I hate everything.

Use your privilege to help those who aren't. Charity, activism, volunteering, educating, giving back to the community, etc.

Running away into the woods like that Sean Penn movie simply absolves you of the guilt that comes from being privileged and is an out-of-sight, out-of-mind approach to this problem.

Of course, I'm talking about making the world a better place for cats.

>>124605
>Of course, I'm talking about making the world a better place for cats.

This is all that matters.

This and not being a billionaire vampire psychopath.

Don't live in guilt because you come from an some well off family it's stupid. People in general are equally shitty it doesn't matter what class they come from pffftlol just enjoy life because we'll all be dead some day

>>124604
>removing myself from society?

I applaud you if you actually do. Just take all the right equipment, don't forget the snake venom extractor and mosquito net

priveledge is a made up concept designed to profit off of you hating yourself. do whatever you want.

>>124569
i feel like im losing my mind, she gave me her phone password but that was after he deleted the messages

>>124569
Well I wouldn't want to start off with them defensive, so maybe cede an apology over your mean entries, then mention start your inquiry

>>124333
Are you both in positions where you can visit each other multiple times a year? If it works out is one of you willing to uproot your life to move to be with them?
You're both in the same country so that skips out any visa issues at least.

I'm dead serious: try a match making service before you resort to edating. If you decide to go through with edating, you need to meet up ASAP, be able and willing to meet up frequently after that and bridge the gap within 2 years MAX.

>>124333
If you dislike dating then don't do that. E-dating is far harder than IRL dating and works best if you and the other person have an open relationship or have avoidant attachment styles. Avoidants tend to do extremely well with long distance. Also, you should work out why you have a problem with dating, never get in a relationship if you have these conflicting feelings. Be ethical and consider the other person, that is the main part of having a relationship. If you are too in your head, you will not be a present partner and the relationship will die. Also, a lot of people will say well if you lay everything out and the other person agrees to a relationship anyway that it is fine but in many cases persons don't grasp the implications.

>>124372
Do not do open relationship OP. It's only for degens

>>124333

thanks for all of the replies nonas. we are planning to meet in a few months.

we are both pretty antisocial so i think there is a chance this could be a good arrangement.. also i trust him fully and we have both been alone for a long time so i don't think cheating is a concern

i guess now i just worry how about meeting in person will go

>>124527
yeah if I lived among muslim tier rapists I would probably prefer an asexual moid too

>>124487
I don't think he truly was attracted to me, at least not physically. He would only call me hot when I did something or said something that wasn't sexual or arousing at all. He just really liked me for what I thought, did and said; Never for how I looked. Your ex sounds awful too. Was he into weird things? My ex grew up isolated and never had a gf before, so there might be a correlation.
>>124523
>>124525
He was perfect in every way, and he wasn't asexual or low libido. He would get turned on from me doing or saying the most mundane things. I never even had to dress up for him. His arousal for me felt completely out of love and not lust, it felt weird because I never dated a demisexual before. He would plan out romantic trips, seduced me and made sure I never felt insecure, but he didn't lust for me. When I broke up with him he understood it too, he told me it happens all the time.

>>124551
Sounds like hell. You deserved better.

No, it is not wrong of you but it is a tad unrealistic of a goal to find both spontaneous attraction of high strength and attraction to you as a person together in a long term or life partner. Typically that is a recipe for inability to back off.
Send the demisexual men over to me.

>>124559
>Send the demisexual men over to me.
What's your contact? I'll tell him to reach out.

>>124388
You are demented.

>>124492
Nona I honestly think that is a shitpost

>>124490
I do not understand what you mean by warrior programming Nona. Please elaborate.

>>124501
>warrior programming

it's a reference to the way modern cultures have evolved. when you go to school, when you participate in monetary exchange, when you work and for the most part when you engage in any kind of social interaction; basically when you do almost anything normal in modern life: everything is set up for you to become a certain way as much as currently possible while the things that are not a certain way yet are currently being scrutinized in an effort to make them become a certain way as well. the culture is carefully set up like that.

most people are so entangled in these basic setups, that they don't really think about it too much and in a way i even have empathy for that. when you are trapped in an awful job that consumes your life you are likely to conclude that you are too busy to question basics. but people who don't question basics all kind of turn out the same, an eery unsettling similarities in key areas of their personality. they all seem to have similar problems that might manifest in ways that seem different, complex and unrelated but i don't agree they are.

when you live consciously for long enough, you see how the things that are, turn into the things that have been with such reliable predictability. few things will surprise you if any. at some point you get it, you will see something and you can tell how it turn out; maybe not every time but most of the time.

warrior programming is the attempt to summarize this experience of what i might almost call a cultural inevitability. a more dramatic way to summarize it would be
>curse of being normal.

toxic normality might also describe it well but it sounds too contemporary for my taste, i try to make it sound more timeless when i communicate.

>>124486
>w. Changing just feels impossible. I'm at that point in my life where I know that even if I magically changed tomorrow and became this amazing, beautiful person that I want to be. Finding a good moid, falling in love, having a child and being happy feels impossible.

Stop centering your life around moids. You should seek healing for YOU only, not for some hypothetical moid who may or may not exist.
If you really want to atone, the best thing you can do is let him be. Do you think obsessing over him like this is letting him be happy and free? No, you're still clinging onto him and he will never be free until you realize that you can live without him
Your entire posts is just "Harley, Harley, Harley" enough!
Go make female friends, volunteer at a shelter or something, spend time with children and animals, continue with the meditation like the other recommended and stop being a slave. You are your own jailer, literally picrel
If he could move on then so can you JFC, you were a bitch, sure but it's not like you raped or beat him. Stop making yourself into this martyr figure, you're only mythologizing your own self pity instead of taking action. You said you never told this to anyone, couldn't even admit any of this to a therapist, well this is the first step towards moving on.

>>124395
A lot of people share your feelings, but I think you all generally misunderstand the issue. There is nothing inherently problematic about things like instant messaging or the internet. The problems you see are purely a reflection of humanity. The underlying problems were there already; they just don't immediately manifest in "new" stuff.

>>124395
>>124468
Imo a big part of it is that post smartphone the internet stopped being a "place". It used to be you couldn't take it with you very easily or cheaply. So once you were off early social media or forums you had a break and had to confront the real world.
Now you can always be voyuring for social media, always be easily distracted and always be a click away from whichever self reinforcement you prefer.

>>124468
>There is nothing inherently problematic about things like instant messaging or the internet.

yes there is. if you understood the nuanced differences between early respectful/consensual/peaceful internet communication systems and the current, biased, infiltrated, automated, security-addicted, debt-based, disrespectful patronizing consumer-systems and the war that is happening behind the scenes you would not mention such ignorance.

plus you base what human nature is on everything that happened after the begin of agriculture a few thousand years ago. there is a timespan in the hundreds of thousands of years where the anatomical modern human climbed down the tree and survived without settlements. to speak of human nature without accounting for this time where things were different again to me is quite ignorant. makes me wonder if you are in the business of ignorance because amateurs usually don't exhibit such professional level of ignorance.

Many such cases…

Lucky

>>124505
> all other moids are [ . . . ]

he's 1 in 4 billion ? not statistically likely. either you're wrong about him (doom scenario) or (more likely [hopeful scenario]) there are more men like him out there

>>124509
yeah like statistically there must be more men like him but as long as i been alive he's the only him ive met, so how long until there's another him in the path?

>perverts
just because he's pretty doesn't mean he isn't a sex pest nona