/feels/ - Advice & Venting

When was the last time you went out on a date and how was it?

back in dec 24, i found some messages on my bfs phone from a sex worker on reddit that he sought out. the way the messages were made it seem like it wasnt the first time he had done something like this, so since then i had been suspicious that maybe this was a constant thing for him.
i then found through an apple payment that he paid someone for something on of, but i couldnt get into his account, until today.
i finally got in his account and saw he was subscribed to multiple workers and also was talking to them. ik obviously for them, thats literally their job, to talk to people, but the way some of the conversations went made me feel hurt.
i want to also add that, as long as it isnt an addiction, i dont care if he watches porn, i do too. my problem is the fact he is paying a lot of money for it and the conversations hes had with some of them talking about his interests, recommending them music, etc. stuff that feels personal.
i feel like its borderline cheating, but at the same time i dont know. i’ve never been in a situation like this and don’t really know how to feel nor what to do. it just also sucks because lately things between us have been stagnant and stressful, just from things happening to us separately, it isnt helping us be our full selfs atm, so adding this really makes everything feel even worse.
he told me he wants to be with me, and i want to work it out, but at what cost?

i need to look pretty for my ex i need to look pretty for him hes my ex my soulmate and he will come back to me i need to
get a wig same colour as woman he cheated me on
and maybe dye it the colour too because he cheatedon me maybe because it was too ugly
i need to get lip filler so its bigger than his (hes jamaican and im white so my lips so thin he probably cheated on me cus of them too)
need to get mroe tattoos that are of him.

idk i lve him a lot and i will look good when i drop off his childhood teddy maybe he will give mesome money too cus hes rich idk

19 years old
I feel so ashamed every time I like someone and I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been asked out by a moid. I thought that once I entered later teenagehood, that these relationships would be thrown at me inevitably. However, the only people that have asked me out were other women and for the most part, none of them I wanted to be with. I have tried to make subtle advances on guys before even though I dislike doing it because I'm a freak with aspergers and can't handle myself well, but none of them have really reciprocated in a meaningful way.
There's a coworker I have at my job who is one year younger than me and I can't stop myself from thinking about him. He's not someone outstandingly unachievable and attractive, he's on the shorter side (under 5'10) but his face is so fucking beautiful, I can't even look at him unless we're talking. I hate myself so badly for liking him, yet I can't help myself from thinking about when the next time will be that I'll get to talk to him, when I'll get to see him, what he's doing.
I'd like to think I'm not super unattractive, maybe cripplingly average instead and perhaps it's just my lack of social skills that has done me in when it comes to relationships. I have received compliments from guys before (mostly older), have even been catcalled. I'm pretty underdeveloped for my age I guess, I'm shorter than average and underweight. I've been told I seem like I'm a very awkward person and hard to talk to before by a guy as well. I used to get made fun of a lot when I was younger but I think I grew out of a lot of the stuff I got made fun of for after puberty.
Despite that, I still don't have a boyfriend while all the other girls my age have boyfriends. I don't even have any irl friends as I was very truant in school and ended up being transferred to an online program (though that's another conversation), so I lost all the ones I did sort of have, yet I felt like they were always only friends with me out of pity. I always feel so terribly guilty and horrible every time I begin to like someone, like I've telepathically molested him just by having feelings for him. I can't ever shake this feeling of shame that makes me extremely depressed and I just end up convincing myself I don't stand a chance.
A lot of the time I tell myself that it's not worth it because it'll end up being more trouble than it's worth and that I'm too asocial and weird to be a good girlfriend to anyone. I always feePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Why and what did you feel?

and if so how did they effect your wellbeing as a child and now?

>have bf for 2 months
>cute and romantic, caring, sweet, never pressured me to do anything
>lots of eye contact
>we had sex for the first time last night
>don't really want to, but follow his lead because it's what he wants
>it's over
>he didn't look into my eyes the whole time
>no cuddles or holding me
>cold and emotionally distanced immediately after sex
>things weren't the same after that
>doesn't really be caring or romantic the way he used to
>we don't talk or text as much as before
>ask if he is feeling okay, if anything is going on in his life, if i can help in any way (even if it's more sex)
>get nothing back

Why are men like this?

What are your thoughts on asexuality and identifying as asexual?

Bisexual nona here, since being pinkpilled and observing male behavior ive wondered if lesbian relationships are more kind and understanding than heterosexual ones. It seems like women(myself included) to prioritize bonding and emotional intimacy and a deep bond.
(talked to moids before never gotten to even dating just some interest ig and self inserted into f4f fanfic and have sexual/romantic feelings for other women.so i have no experience just wanted to put that out there.)