I'm writing this for me, but it's for you. Once I've written out what I want to say to you, hopefully I'll be more at peace with it.
I miss you, of course, even you can probably figure that out. I wonder if you miss me too, but I'm pretty sure that as time goes on, you'll probably notice things you disliked about me and you'll be at peace with lightly disliking me and leaving me in the past. But you did say that you don't hold a grudge against me, and that you'll remember our time together fondly. I'll try to trust you instead of just going with my own version of what will happen, I never really trusted you and I'm sorry about it, although now I still can't say if that was a mistake.
I like you, romantically, I've never really told you outright like this, so it feels really nice actually typing it out. One time you accidentally said "I love you" to me and it made me feel really giddy. I've enjoyed holding your hand and resting my head on your shoulder pretending there was nothing more behind it. But we both know we'd be an awful match, which is why I always tried keeping it as friendly as possible, even though I failed miserably a couple of times. At least, you always seemed to be aware of this, and you expressed to me that you felt the same way. Dating or anything like that just wasn't in the cards for us, and I'm glad we never seriously considered it.
However, you've hurt me more times that I can proudly admit. With the things you say to me, sometimes I see the way you see me. Our arguments never were really big, but it was a warning sign that there would be more to come, because I could never change your way of seeing me. Sometimes I think you thought I was inferior to you, in some kind of "caring" way. Sure, I'm 3 years younger than you, but it was definitely more than that. You didn't see me like you see your other friends. By the way, since you're not reading this, I can say that a bunch of your friends seemed like pretty bad people, that annoyed me a bit. You always made excuses for them, sometimes I wondered if you were more alike to them than I knew, the answer's probably yes. I've had what you and I had a couple of times before, and it always started like this. Even though I cut things off soon, I'm pretty convinced that it would just have developed into something pretty bad. You already know this, but my pride is a big reason of why I let you go. I just cringe thinking at my future self seeing me forgive you again and again for cross
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