/feels/ - Advice & Venting

What's your dream bf like?

for me:
>16-66 years old
>in severe debt
>incel, never had sex
>bald
>173cm tall exactly
>widely considered to be a schizo
>has a number of congenital diseases
>has brain damage
>no friends
>might be missing a finger or two
>speaks Mongolian

So I need to get this off my chest and also I know it's totally my fault but idc I want to moan about it.

>I miss my ex (I'm retarded I'm sorry)
So I broke with him a year ago and rushed into a relationship afterwards, before we broke up we had been dating for 3 years! He hit a rough patch and honestly I didn't think he would get out of it (he was just depressed no abuse/addiction) and well I met my current boyfriend at my campus so basically I started knowing him and eventually decided to break up with my ex to be with my current boyfriend. And well now I regret it, my boyfriend got uggo and fat plus I think he is addicted to porn because he can't get it up anymore, plus we don't do anything outside of smoking weed and watching movies from time to time. And yesterday I got the urge to check up on ig how was my ex and he looks happy… plus he recently got a girlfriend and they look happy… He was a good boyfriend I know that now, he was just sad I didn't even try to be understanding. I feel bad

>looking back I miss him….
> I fucked it up so bad..

Share the good, the bad, and hell of pursuing a degree. Whether it be living in a dorm with a horrible roommate, classes kicking your ass, or something happening relating to school that has filled you with joy.

Spent all night talking to a guy and made a commitment that I will struggle to keep.
Do I like him? Yes. Is he everything that I could want? Yes.
But it's ldr. I can't handle another ldr. I don't want to commit. Sure right now I feel like I could spend every evening and night on call with him but I won't always have that energy.
He was going to visit this october before I asked so I have to figure out how to say this before we end up doing anything and making it more difficult. Even if I explain this to him later he'll probably stop hanging out with me and some of our other friends probably will too. I don't understand why I'm so stupid and why I didn't think before I let this happen.

venting here because i am too pussy to pay for a therapist.

but basically, my history with abuse, verbally and physical is something too complicated to talk about to a another person (a professional), so basically, ever since i was a kid i was screamed at, beat, bullied, laughed at ridiculed, and most of it were classmates but 80% of it was familiar.
through the ages of 5 to 16 years old i was treated with so much hate that i wondered if i even deserved to be alive and function as a human being other than a creature to be the peoples pain reliever.
one day when i got back from school, i was around eight years old, i had written "fuck" in my book, a very idiotic kid behavior when you first discover insults and bad words, my sister was cleaning my room that day and opened the book and saw it, then showed it to my mom, that day she hit me so bad and jumped me that i was scarred for life. she would beat so badly i dont think its even allowed to mention here but anyway, after that day i became scared and so fragile i couldnt make human contact, other than the physical abuse, my sisters would call me such disgusting names and scream so much at me that any tone of voice would make me uncomfortable, what seven, ten, fourteen year old me did that was so terrible? i was never one to pick any bad habits, i did start smoking at very early age but i was still antissocial and alone.

i grew to be a very sad and anxious teen after everything, still being treated like garbage, but there was one particular moment that really changed me (for the worst), my brother had turned the same age i was when i suffered all those things, and he is too "weird" and closed off, and autistic, he didnt talk much and he liked some weird stuff, but he is very mad? and agressive, he used to jump at me, beat me, call me names like whore, slut and tell me to kill myself, but in one day in particular while he was at school (we live close to the school he goes) we got a call from the principal telling my mom that "her son jumped at the teacher and strangled her", the cops were called and all my sisters went there to see the situation, after he got home, the treatment he got after that was "one week without his computer", thats all. when i was his age the simple word "fuck" in my book was enough to have my mom kneel down on my chest and beat me till i was unconcious, but he got sweet words and "just dont do that, okay?", seeing that happen radicalized me in a hardcore wayPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

tell me about your day cc!
stories also welcome

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If a mother’s heart, liver, or other organs suffer an injury later in life, these lingering fetal cells will actually migrate straight to the site of the damage. Once there, they can transform into the specific types of cells needed to help repair and heal her body.

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Feeling bad for the freezing driver, she went home and sketched out a lever-operated rubber blade that could clear the window from inside the cabin. She patented the very first windshield wipers a year later, entirely because she wanted a stranger to stay warm and dry.

3. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, a brilliant group of women known as the "Harvard Computers" completely revolutionized astronomy. At a time when women weren't allowed to operate the university's telescopes, they were hired to analyze thousands of photographic glass plates of the night sky by hand.
Despite being barred from the actual observatory equipment, their mathematical precision unlocked the universe. Annie Jump Cannon created the star classification system still used by scientists today, and Henrietta Swan Leavitt discovered how to measure distances in deep space—the exact "cosmic yardstick" Edwin Hubble later used to prove the universe is expanding.

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This condition, called tetrachromacy, allows them to see up to 100 million different colors—roughly 100 times more than the rest of us. Where a standard eye sees a basic green leaf or a gray concrete wall, a tetrachromat can perceive an incredibly rich, shifting gradient of entirely distinct shades and tones that most people simply cannot detect.

Women are amazing!

song lyrics

With boyfriends

If you have a boyfriend, where did you meet him? Do you think he’s attracted to you? Or do you think he’s using you? If you’re insecure, what made you feel like he actually liked you? Like what did he do?

Without boyfriends

If you never had a boyfriend, do you think anyone has ever had a crush on you?
Did you have an opportunity to be in a relationship? Why or why not did you take it?
Do you feel like life is heavily geared to couples and isolated?

I'm 25 and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I got a CS degree pre-AI but now with a horrible job market, just getting junior roles is really difficult and it feels like I have to grind my ass off just to get a livable wage in my field. I've been doing leetcode and applying soulless tech stacks to my resume that I genuinely don't even care about. My boyfriend of almost two years left me because his avoidant attitude turned every conflict or disagreement into a breakup scenario; which I just put up with, even though it hurt me deeply to feel so disposable in the relationship cus I had nothing else and didn't want to lose the only source of love and warmth I had. Now that he's gone, my life feels like a void again with not much reason to wake up. All I want in my life is to be happy with my family and have someone waiting for me at the end of the day, but with each passing year, that dream just seems more distant. Been feeling really nihilist, thinking if any of it even matters.