/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I resent my bf.

I met him back when we were both 16, when we started to date each other, he seemed like a unique and honest guy, who i was truly falling in love with, we even got to know pretty early on that this was gonna be both our first serious relationship.

During one of our late night calls, he was at this birthday party with some friends of his, so our call ended sooner than usual. Couple of days later, we started dating for reals as a couple, and just a few weeks later I learned that on "that night" he kinda screwed with one of his closest friends. This led to a whole heated up argument that day, which eventually ending up in me still wanting to be with him.

Years later, I still havent forgotten about any of it. Ive become the most insecure version of myself ive ever known, whenever hes out i cant control my anxiety panics, i havent tell him anything, but i cant do anything but remember how i felt that day. I know this is all stupid, that i shouldnt make a big deal out of it, i know but i cant not think about it. and iknow that i cant really blame him for anything, since we werent a couple that day (we began the day after), he even apologized and cut friendships with that girl, but how could someone be telling me such delicate and romantic things on that call during that day, while at the same time thinking about getting intimate with someone else than me? How are men such incapable of perceiving love as us? Why arent they capable of not behaving like animals? I dont get it. I thought i wouldve forget it by now, i thought time healed everything, but every passing day i feel worse, i do still love him, but i also resent him SO much for it

What do you hate and why?

While others are finishing their bachelor's,I'm learning pre-algebra and primary school biology.I was kept out of school and taught nadda,and I am reaping the consequences of such. I downloaded a plethora of books to study with. Despite embodying an autodidactic spirit with insatiable curiosity,I struggle immensely with self-teaching mathematics and hard science.
I live in an area with few options for adult learners, creating an obstacle in upgrading my education. The GED→community→college→>state school pathway does not exist here. Post-secondary here have prerequisite secondary school courses. I aspire to earn a degree, but the thought of being strapped with debt is sobering. Taking out thousands of dollars in student loans, where every payment goes solely to interest and not principal, being normalized is disturbing.

I'm insecure about my lack of schooling. Perhaps the adage 'insecurity blinds one to their greatness' is true; others describe me as well-spoken. I'm a fraud; I bury my incompetence in problem-solving using an expansive vocabulary.

School systems have watered-down curricula lacking rigour in order to widen the disparity between the social classes,even stooping to graduating illiterate and innumerate pupils,but the value of a secondary school diploma cannot be understated.

e-bf of 10 months pronounced my name wrong and was fully convinced its the right pronunciation. i will never be loved or seen properly.

If both female and male friendships/relationships feel awfully transactional and fake/one sided for me then am I absolutely cooked nonas. Destined to be alone beyond romance?

It feels so much better being alone but very lonely than having to be offended and hurt just because I'm not the way someone wants me to be. I'm only worth talking to when it's convenient or when they have no one.

How do you handle seeing men for who they really are, not the idealized “prince charming” version we grew up imagining in anime?

Everywhere I look, I see cheaters, manipulators, narcissists, deadbeats, porn addicts, and abusers… and it feels like they’re not the exception, but the rule. Men are always more likely to leave then women when their spouse and children get ill or born sick. Men are always more likely to cheat and have side bitches. They don’t listen, they only make repeated attempts to make it sound like they know more than you about everything.

There's no care, no love, no empathy, no compassion, no understanding. They don't care if we feel safe or not. Men only want women for sex and the moment they get it, they move on.

Have known a guy for a year or two, but never pursued anything because distance. i originally met him in a group chat, then eventually told him how i felt. not soon after i ended up moving to the same state for personal reasons, not knowing he lived there.


i feel very strongly for him. he feels similarly. ive never felt this way before, but i don't have much romantic experience. dated two people in the past, had a situationship (?) that ended poorly i guess. he is everything i like in a guy. emotionally intelligent, kindhearted, giving (but not a pushover), patient, and kind.

he thinks its 'fate' because we fit so well. i am religious, so I guess it could be. but im a little nervous. im not concerned for myself but for him. if things go left i will be fine. sad, naturally, but okay. but hes put a lot of faith in us. he thinks im in his life for a reason.

ive decided that no matter what, ill do the best i can for him. i really do care for him despite my fear. im mostly afraid of hurting him, the last guy i trusted took advantage of me and i let him, until i couldn't take it anymore and decided to be worse. i don't want to do that to this one, because i can tell his heart is good.

i made him cry, by mistake, already. i realized then that i needed to do better. i told myself that so long as i live i would never hurt him again. it hurt so much hearing him cry, so I only want to make him happy from now on. im a little scared ill hurt him, but ill figure it out somehow.

I am 23 now and haven’t been able to hack it since I was a little kid. I went to the psych ward for the first time when I was 8. It was the only way my parents could get me to stop hurting myself. They put me on Prozac for all of Elementary school. I was in and out of the hospital or sent to residential until I was 19. (Trust me, I don’t hear the end of how expensive it’s been to keep me alive)

I have been in love and living with my boyfriend for two years. I told him about my life long struggle to keep myself on this planet but I think he's just now starting to realize how retarded I am. When in work or school I struggle the most (in college atm). I don’t think to eat, drink water (my legs have been cramping up for 4 days now) or clean myself until he makes me. I’m obviously fatigued and am having violent meltdowns often that scare him. I’m trying to better myself for us by working or going to college but It feels counterintuitive even though I know that these are the next steps I should be taking.

I’ve had 6 jobs that onset the same symptoms that I would either quit before doing something stupid or do something stupid that would cause them to fire me. I’ve dealt with being abused in the workplace for being autistic, making me do more/stay longer than everyone else because I didn’t know better. My mom waited all night for me to come home and told me to never let them keep me 2 hours after closing, especially if everyone else had already left. I had a manager grab my wrist and tell me that my very old raised/healed sh scars were disgusting and that I was an idiot to have done that to myself. She called me an idiot daily even though she was the one training me. I had accommodations in Elementary/Middle/High school to help me get through but in the real world you do not get accommodations.

I feel loved and supported but I still struggle very hard to see myself being able to hold down a job or take care of myself. I make attempt after attempt, I haven’t given up but it’s been so hard since the very beginning.

Can anyone else relate to finding it very difficult to keep yourself on this planet from a very young age and it not getting easier despite trying to get better? And I’m not talking about “I was depressed as a teenager so I didn’t think about what I wanted to do after high school so I’ve been working at the grocery store for a couple of years in the meantime.” I’m talking about couldn’t even hack 1st grade. CannotPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Share any positive feelings or positive things.

Garden your soul garden.
Every focus is infinite multiverses.
Keep watering the ideas/plants that make you feel the loveliest love


Here’s a thing that has made me feel so good and is important to me:
Thousands of Polska girls and Belarus girls are covering my NorthAmerican city with graffiti. They’ve somehow clearly gotten the idea to all become collectively like a splatoon. It has changed the energy immensely and really improved the omnipresent feminism quality~level vibe. These girls have religions about ancient euro queens and it really shows, lots of ethereal stuff.. I see so many soulful girls are more comfortable loitering around and making anywhere a party! That’s SO important! Sovl

Everyday it's more clear to me that women will never be free, it makes me feel suicidal even. We are nothing but pets and will NEVER stop being pets, even if that were to happen I'll be dead by that time. What the fuck do you do from here that isn't giving up?