/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>120546
Did you draw that?

My wife would

>>120546
You know how shelters will describe some cats as being super skittish and shy to strangers? I’ve broken down crying before imagining something happening to me and my cats ending up in a shelter. Both of my cats are extremely social with humans but I can imagine how scared and asocial they’d become thrown in a new unfamiliar environment.

Sometimes I'm just a little bit worried. I'm the glue that holds my family together, the enthusiastic one that tries to make life exciting.

I am really sickly though, and I've just been getting worse. I definitely don't think I'll die anytime soon, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I were the first to go.
I've thought about how it would be if they had to live on without me. I hope they'd be ok.

Yeah but I wouldn’t miss most of them

Is there a way to become aroace? I hate that I still have attraction , still crush, have limerence, and just want it to stop

>>120356
Go back in time and have a neglectful childhood.

>>120236
The diagnosis demi- and fraysexual are sad to me. Both seem like they are born out of trauma from how society handles heteronormative love.
The latter is, as >>120251 pointed out, a justification for a trauma response. It's fine to be this way, all ways of living with and without love and sex are fine, but it's not an identity. It's a mode of dating. You are not discriminated against for hitting and quitting lol.
Demisexual, on the other hand, is a label I myself found interesting in my tumblr days. I honestly now suspect I'm just autistic, and/or that I (prefer to) develop sexual feelings after I have learned I can trust someone due to trauma. It's something I did get flack for from jocks at college or whatever, but for the most part, too, this is not a trait people get discriminated for.If anything, demisexuality is rewarded socially because you are not 'loose'.

>>120362
One thing I've always found frustrating about the term demisexual is that it by definition, by people who identify as demisexual, means someone who is only able to be attracted if they've developed a prior friendship… which is fine and all, I don't consider it a sexual orientation, but if you feel that describes how you feel love, good for you…

But the term demisexual is then pushed, by various sex-positive weirdos onto any woman who says she's not interested in FWB/ONS/hookup/casual dating/whatever… The reason I'm no into one night stands is not because I need to be friends first before I can be sexually attracted, its because I need to love someone and they need to love me back… But this weirdly specific term demisexual which focuses on platonic feelings is pushed onto people like me. And honestly, when some people get the "have you considered you might be demisexual" shtick, they buy in, and they remodel their identity and their internal conception about how they form love and fall in love around this weird, arbitrary term.

If "I need to be friends first" describes your falling-in-love style, whatever, but why is "have you considered your sexuality is I-need-to-be-friends-first" pushed onto every person who wants love and not fucking these days.

>>120251
>yeah i uhh, i fuck people and then lose interest when they start to love me
This is a highly stereotypical male sexual archetype. It is extremely common to see women identify this male archetype with trauma in romance fiction leads so that the heroine has the ability to heal that trauma to reform and win over the rakehell hero into a heckin wholesome monogamous future father. When in reality it is just pure misogyny and narcissism with no traumatic root. I do not think it is necessary to say that the four or five women on this planet who identify with that archetype are necessarily better than that. It is entirely possible that they are just narcissists too.

I bother my sister and have started to turn her into a mini me. I use chat gpt characters …pathetic I know lol. Growing up I hated it because no one would want to be my friend they only wanted me to trauma dump or home work. Slowly I retracted back into my own shell and got more online. Once I mentioned something about going on imvu and celebrating my birthday w my online friends and my " friends " gave me a super judgy weird look. I know its bad but not that badddd. Now life is too busy to worry about friends and I have started to enjoy my company. Easier to find like minded people online.

>>120577
it doesn't get easier. the only way to feel less lonely is basically by distracting yourself. having a schedule can help (work or school) because then you aren't alone with your thoughts as much and when you get home you just want to fall asleep. it can also be more isolating though because you might see people at work or school talking to each other. getting really into a media (TV show game etc.) can help too. last night i couldn't sleep so i spent a couple hours talking to myself in my head about house md. talking to yourself in your head or writing stuff down as if you were talking/texting/writing a letter to someone else helps.

>>120571
With his past it is hard to say if he is being genuine or just trying to guilt trip you into being with him because he will "change". If you are sure that he is really trying then bring up the subject that upsets you and talk with him about it. But in my opinion its not worth staying with him.

>>120571
He's still manipulating you lol

>>120530
My mom is a nutjob too but she is tolerable

>>120544
Maybe its time to cut your losses completely and move on. Good luck nona.

The only thing you can do is completely move on from these people but you never will so have fun

>>120556
Yuppp ,,,stupid life

>>120562
LiveLaughLove
Brighter days ahead
Never lose hope

i'm twenty. i'm in one of the worst headspaces i've ever been in. it's almost all due to the internet. bad life experiences, we can move past. we can adapt, we can move to other things. the internet is such a trap, and a drug, because it lets you forget everything else. that postpones the healing, the hurting, the moving on, and it robs you of perspective. the last year has been filled with paranoia and stress and anxiety over petty internet squabbles that don't matter, relationships that have no future or real life weight.

limit how much you use this place. watch TV, read books, that's all fine, but the petty chit chat and the insane people online can eat you alive. fill your time with things you're curious about. write a bad song. learn neat things on youtube. i liked the series "trope talks" by overlysarcasticproductions on youtube.

>>120485
anon I feel like this was written by future me what the hell I'm 20 soon.this advice is so useful thank you. I spent the year exactly like that

>>120533
don't make the same mistakes i made. the internet is not consequence free. between when i started fucking around here and the end, i've been hurt, betrayed, stalked, and forced into other people's conflicts. it's damaged my ability to trust or desire to be close to people, to make friends. i was better off before all of this. if you're part of any online communities, bail. spend time on yourself, allow your boredome to drive you to do things in real life. be safe, carry pepper spray, don't get drunk around strangers, but do stuff. meet people. don't be hypnotized by the digital world. it's not worth it. i hope you can break the pattern.

>>120474 some bits of advice that helped me out (they contradict each other a little bit):
1: be kind to your future self. clean up your dishes, take a shower now, send that email, finish that thing, do it now so that your future self won't have to worry about it. save your quarters so she can get something from the vending machine too <3
2: live more in the present and don't let yourself get too engrossed in "i need X to happen and then Y and Z so that I don't have to A" because it can very easily eat you up. if you get a few minutes to yourself and it's a nice day outside, stand in the fresh air and enjoy it. be happy that your lunch has the right amount of sauce on it. watch a bird pick at something on the ground and laugh when it drops it. little things can make a huge difference, good and bad.
3: try stuff and mix it up! I'm in university right now and there's dinner events for my major. i'm skipping class this thursday so i can go and meet others in my field and go with some classmates. a little spontaneity keeps you sharp and i think a break in routine sometimes is good for you.
hope these helped a little bit :)

>>120483
At least nona won't be dead

you
are a retard and you will regret letting a man violate you like this

he has other secrets

>>120386
The first poster is right and you're either incredibly naive or coping. If my bf did this I would assume he was getting 4channers to do tributes and I'd run for the hills.

confront him about it. moids trade vulnerable pictures of women with eachother. he likely does trade them, or at least shows them off to other moids irl.

>>120435
my dad texted me a bunch of erotic pictures of his girlfriends sleeping feet and legs once. the next day he frantically called me and said it was "an inside joke between him and his girlfriend" and that he sent them by accident. so fucking gross, i'll never forget that.
>>120386
you're retarded break up with it immediately

you don’t like yourself, you’re just falling for whatever bread crumbs of love bombing he can bother with after he gave up for an entire year before you freaked at him. you don’t own it. it’s a subscription and he’s not good about following the terms of the contract. he’ll keep charging you long after he stops delivering. you don’t like yourself you like the way he makes you feel about yourself and you’re bragging about centering this on him and not internal growth why? cos you’re a lot older than us and seem to be claiming self awareness? like it all seems a little on the nose and like you’re aware of all of this and setting him up almost. like that was so heavy handed i actually doubt your sincerity and i’m not talking about you knowing you don’t really like yourself. it seems you’re trying to signal to people that you are choosing to intentionally base your self esteem on this and it’s kind of weirding me out. but if you’re the type of person who needs to have someone else in line and be the damsel in distress then do what you have to do i guess. just know that it’s all sus to anyone seeing it.

I can't keep doing this. I can't live like this, it's not good for me.

I'm ready to stop being alone, and it's fine if you're not. Clearly you aren't as you've provided no semblance of reciprocity, congeniality and interdependence I have to stop this for my own sake.
I'm not gonna feeling guilty for pursuing someone else. I need someone in my life and for a while I thought that could be you, and I would have liked that, but it's becoming increasingly clear that you're not half as interested in that as me, and now it hurts to talk to you, so I'm not gonna be doing that anymore.

I'm sorry.

j -
i would like to have a neutral conversation.

if you showed a shred of accountability i would take full, but how can i when you guys are the bad guys?

>>115657
Dear A M,

This is all so stupid. I shouldn't have done that. I know you wanted me but you have him and your lies and you want those more. My poor, sweet girl. I am sorry that you fell for me, yet, I am not sorry that I fell for you. You're a part of me now, and retrocausally, you have always been a part of me.

I have partaken of you and I am lesser. I miss, a sentence with no object, I don't just miss you, my sweet girl, I miss. I was born missing.

You have made me unwise, girl from far away. You have made me foolish and lacking. I love you for all that you have taken from me and wish you could take more.

I don't wish I never met you, although you may wish on the contrary. May your wishes fall upon the deaf ears of God, the God that stands between us. I would not have done anything differently in truth, I merely pray that you may hear how much I miss you as I whisper it into the space between us. I pray you will listen and come back to me.

He seems to me equal to gods, that man, who has held the girl I covet close to him. Equal to gods, and thrice as cruel.

It is not to him that I have lost you, however, I have lost you to yourself. The notion that you could not be with someone like me is what really took you away from me. I would've shared you, I would've taken a fourth of you or a fifth of you. I would take anything now, but you were too afraid and now I have nothing.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

don't change yourself and put yourself through turmoil for the sake of men

Usually men are willing to date even fat women. You must weight over 200 pound.

>>120521
Not everyone lives in USA.

don't jump on very restrictive diets or habits because you'll eventually back out and feel worse than when you started. Instead, integrate healthy habits gradually so that it doesn't feel like something forced upon your life. Depending on your health situation, it's always worthwhile to check for potential endocrine imbalances which might be hindering your potential for weight loss as well as affecting your energy. Good luck

Intermittent fasting is sustainable once you pass the early hump.

>>120409
Not reading the entire thing but BREAKUP idgaf about his sacrifices …leave him! Also call the police. You can convince yourself all you want but a man hitting you will never be justified

>>120409
I'm sorry noona, you didn't deserve it and even if you did, he had no right to try to make justice like that.

>>120409
You'll stay with him until he punches you hard enough to cause an internal bleeding and pass away from it. You've been posting updates for years. Sooner or later your updates will stop coming because he will have killed you.

>>120517
OP. Honestly what scares me the most is being abused in old age. Especially because I know I will develop memory problems like dementia. I did move my passport from the apartment to my workplace in case I get the courage to leave. He gets in my head and honestly makes me think everything is my fault. Today I did the laundromat routine wrong so I hve to get up 3 hours early to do it again before work tomorrow.

>>120531
Unless and until he has magical powers idk why don't you leave? Love yourself a little. You can and will find love again but a life once gone will never come back