/feels/ - Advice & Venting

A thread for women to vent and share their experiences with being ugly and how they cope in this look obsessed society.

For a few months I was eating very few calories, and that turned into a whole mess that made me feel and somatize every single emotion to the extreme.
Sure, that was probably one of the triggers, but what really hit me was realizing how much time I was wasting—day after day—just endlessly scrolling for hours with no purpose. Not even the energy to reply to simple messages, let alone hang out with people. All this while I was still trying to keep up with my university classes, hit the gym, learn a language, and cook my “low-calorie” meals.

I ended up feeling completely paralyzed. Everything I once loved was just gone, and I had no interest in anything anymore. My days revolved around chasing dopamine through dumb reels and TikToks. I couldn’t even finish ten seconds of a video before skipping to the next, or saving it to “watch later”—a moment that never came.

I got totally obsessed with how I looked, constantly thinking about how skinny or “good” I looked. Which was stupid, because in the end, all that worrying left me unable to even look at myself in the mirror or on my phone camera.
I felt empty, dumb, my brain completely fried, like life was slipping away inside a virtual world.

And that’s why I’m here—because “normal” social media eats me alive. It feels automatic, something I do out of boredom in dead moments, scrolling endlessly just to avoid making any mental effort. I literally remember saving long texts to read “later” because they demanded too much focus and brain power.

After all this, I finally went to the university’s psychological services. During the interview, they asked me what I thought a “normal person” was. My answer: someone who’s actually present, who can tell what’s happening around them, and doesn’t have thousands of random thoughts or get lost in daydreaming all the time. Their response? ADHD.
I don’t want to take medication—and it’s kind of absurd to think that all of this gets pinned on something like that.

Honestly, I just want to go back to enjoying and learning from the things I used to love. Very few things spark my fried brain now. I don’t push myself to do anything, though I still try to take on longer activities even if I keep falling back into doomscrolling.
You can laugh, but I know a lot of people are going through the same thing right now.

most women are deluded when they think they meet a good man. all my life i've never met a good man. until i met this one. his behavior was akin to Jesus Christ. it seemed as if it was physically impossible for him to do anything which even mildly inconviences anyone, let alone hurting anyone. as for me, it seems like i am physically incapable of doing anything but hurting people. to cut it short, he absolutely did not deserve what i did to him. i met him online and within less than a month of dating i got blackout drunk and cheated on him. like an idiot i talked to my friends about it because i cant keep my mouth shut about anything. i talked to my best friend about it and what we decided was since it was so early on and i genuinely saw a future with him i should just move on from it. forget about it. so i didn't tell him. we kept talking.

we decided we wanted to see eachother in person. he spent $5000 on a plane ticket and an airbnb for 25 days. i started birth control- the Opill, 3 days before he came. the first 2 days were heavenly. then on the 3rd night we shared a bottle of vodka together. i was doing okay until i put on his boxers. i was reminded of what i had done to him. i grabbed a kitchen knife and started to cut myself in front of him. i cut my neck. then we went to sleep. the dream was over. over the course of the next couple weeks i just wanted to stay in bed all day. i kept arguing with him over the tiniest things. it was like i was constantly on edge. he said it felt like i was never actually there, never "lucid enough to have an actual conversation with." we only had sex a few times because he said he could only have sex with someone who he felt loved him and he didnt feel like i loved him. we didn't go out a lot, not a lot of "cute dates…" we went out to fast food joints a few times. then he broke up with me. he said we could still stay friends and he could keep "taking care of me" but we couldn't have a romantic relationship anymore. he said i should leave the airbnb for a few days. my best friend, who lives nearby where we were staying, asked for his discord tag because "he's a foreigner trapped in an airbnb alone and we (her and her roommate, an acquaintance of mine who also knew what i had done to him,) want to be there for him incase anything goes wrong." then i left to go home.

then it gets worse. basically to cut it short they told him i have something to tell him and i threatened suicide over it. i video cPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Why do people get married only to cheat or divorce? Shouldn't they know if they're happy to be together BEFORE they get married?

I struggle daily with finding meaning in anything, and feel so alone in all things. I recognize that so many people are just doing things to cope with that same dread and loneliness. It seems like no one knows what they are doing or why. It all seems so pointless to me. Why does anyone keep going? What is the point? How does someone even find real purpose? How do you all do it, nonas?

I'm tired of making female friends only to end up being ignored or excluded because I don't share their political opinions. Female friend circles seem to be built on fear, and I'm done with it. I made a decision not to pretend anymore—but now, I don't have any female friends left, just because I don't believe that anyone who identifies as a woman is necessarily a woman.

I just turned 27. I’m a high school dropout who has been a NEET since leaving school at 16. I’ve been a shut-in basically this whole time. I don’t have any social or life skills. I can’t even drive. I’ve also never had any sort of relationship or intimacy because I’m ugly as fuck. Not even a friend. Is it over for me? I want to change, but I feel like it’s all just too far gone. Even if I do change, I don’t feel like I’ll ever truly recover from all these lost years. How am I supposed to go out there and relate to people? I feel so stunted

I did the quiz multiple times and ever since I was 16 I got the same answer - INTP (logician). this personality type isn't very common for women and is predominantly men, which makes me feel even more like an outcast.

This is a genuine question, because I can't fathom any other reasoning. Courting is dead, it's gone. In no particular order the following occurs: love bombing, ghosting, mirroring, hot/cold method. Even my friends who fit the patriarchal male gaze to an absolute T (virgin, quiet, submissive) are getting stepped on. It seems like all or nothing, there is no slow progressional vetting before a clear decision is made. Many other girls around me in my career and academia have given up on the idea of marriage and children. The ones that haven't tend to have a man-child tier boyfriend or they're accepting to be chronically cheated on.

The ideology that women have to be top 1% of females to deserve a male counterpart that doesn't wreck havoc on livelihood and minds is insane. I've talked to many boomers and they agree something is universally wrong; we are no longer just homemakers, but we have the ability to be that and MUCH MUCH more, how are we all fundamentally somehow "never enough" for them?

Most people don't really like me and I don't really enjoy their company either. That's sad but I have come to accept it.