/feels/ - Advice & Venting

You have to persist and heal…. you're in the unfortunate circumstance of a catch 22. If you come out with your story he'll probably use whatever resources are at his disposal to dismiss and call you crazy, but you'll have a chance to give him a criminal record and maybe even put him on the sex offender registry. If you dont come out he'll continue to live his life but you will suffer in multitude of ways-your opportunities seem to already been shot due to this asshole. Unfortunately the entertainment industry is fillled with Moids who abuse those they deem lower then them. I know, I used to rub elbows with a prominent musician in the local music scene in nyc before he sexually coerced me into having sex with him.

I dont think my way of going about healing will help you. It might get you in more hot water actually…. but theres a saying that "haters make you famous." If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report. But thats going to require you to be able to stand your ground and refuse to become "blacklisted" cause some rich kid asshole wants to paint you as the villain. If you dont come out, you're going to live a life that you initially didnt choose for yourself because you were afraid of what might happen if you did. I believe you. I honestly do. But you gotta be prepared of people with internalized misogyny dismissing your trauma because of bulllshit.

Whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you. I didnt go to the police with my assault. But i did end up harrassing my assaulter in subtle ways cause i was a teenager and very, very stupid but persistent. However, I'm in therapy now and im continuously facing my trauma head on doing so. And! The man who coerced me is no longer in the music scene (as of right now. And it better stay like that ^_^)

I highly recommend therapy. I'll link some different types of therapy in the reply to this so youll have a more informed opinion when you choose to seek it.

>>128076
>I really thought he was going to be able to work on and uplift my work before he left.
loool

>>128077
Thank you, this is a really kind response and unfortunately most people don't understand you'll just be rubbing shoulders with so many abusive people in this industry it can all just blur together. People can laugh all they want, but the reality of working in theater is working with abusers 24/7 and learning to adapt in that environment as a woman. It's nice to see someone else in the city who really gets it.

>If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report
Fortunately, I have the texts of him admitting to it and us talking about me being referred to SA survivors group therapy. This isn't my first time going through something abusive, so I know what's required to get an investigation started, at least. I do have enough.

I'm conflicted, as I'm not really looking for revenge, more so to get those opportunities back and be part of my school environment. I spent so much time defending him and being a clear emotional wreck, people have really distanced themselves from me. Some people know due to a third party being really nosy about the abuse too and making it all about them for some weird reason. I'm worried I lost my casting eligibility going forward in school shows, too, not that my academics reflect that treatment. It's just academic sexism. I also worry part of me would always feel guilty for ruining his life, which is a crazy thing to say about someone who put their hand down my shorts after asking them not to, while I froze, blaming it on his ADHD and then not medicating. He's apologized ceaselessly, he'll say things like "nobody has anything to apologize for but me," "I understand if you hate me," or "I'll hate myself for this forever," but the only person hurting in any material way is me. I really wanted us to just break up like normal people, but this has so fucked up my life…

>I highly recommend therapy
I started going over the Summer after this happened. My provider is great, but I'm open to other options because I'm not feeling like it's enough and don't love IFS therapy rn, so thanks for your link. <3

>>125973
I have a huge preference for girls and am generally attracted to more feminine women. my issue is that i just don't know when a girl is gay too. I avoid looking at women in this way because i'd feel creepy if she turns out to be straight.
There's currently one girl I like at my work, I can assume that she's gay because she's kinda masculine (short hair, alternative), but she still acts feminine and she has soft features and she's just super cutee
Idk but my issue with girls is that I start liking them when I know I can (if theyre gay too) because it's just so difficult to find.

>>127263
tranny

>>127263
I wish I had this level of control over my feelings.
I ended up falling for one of my best friends and it's just hopeless. But I don't think it's creepy to fall for someone you know you won't have a chance with, you can't always control that. It only gets creepy if you act obsessed or make advances when you already know she won't be interested. It kinda sucks, but I'll just have to get over it, I'm responsible for my feelings after all.
I don't think you need to avoid looking at most women at all just because you think they might be straight though. How do you make friends if you're so distant with other women? It's not like you'll fall for every woman, right?
But yeah, you can't always tell if someone is lesbian or bi just by appearance…
Someone at my workplace invited me to a pride event and that's how I found out that she's lesbian, I wouldn't have noticed from her appearance at all.
I just try to get to know people at pride or at adjacent events and locations, like LGBTQ+ cafés, stores or conventions; much higher probability of meeting women I might have a chance with.
Anyway, good luck with your crush!
>>127268
Claiming that all butch women are secretly trans somehow is how certain misogynists wield anti-trans rhetoric to harm women. They don't care about women, they just care about the policing of anyone who's gender non-conforming, even if they're not trans at all. Don't fall for it.
I'm kinda butch, doesn't mean I'm a man trying to be a woman nor vice versa. So tired of this shit.

>>127270
thank u for your advice and insight! I didn't mean I avoid women completely haha, I just avoid viewing/thinking about them romantically unless I'm certain that they're gay too (which i never know).

>>125973
don't be sorry for being a homosexual, wth. Men taking horse piss pills won't turn them into a woman. There are radfems out there for you who hate men like you do! You know you can simply ask what people's sexuality is, right? Or just ask her out on a date.

>>125754
apartments are apart-ments not one big room with all your neighbours. what propaganda are you smoking ma'am.

>>128031
I used to feel that way too. It's the avatars, usernames and the overall UI that makes you feel like this. Now I only browse the dedicated forums for my games, like fenoxo.

I hate my job and I don’t want to go back in 5 days. I can’t do this. I only need to keep it for 6 more months but it all feels like such a long stretch of time looking at it now. I hate this town and I hate this job. Fuck my life.

Online dating is fucking awful

>They poorly introduce themselves
>They try "flirting"
>They call you angel, babe, barbie (if blonde), beautiful, "cute", goddess
>They offer you money to fund your next purchases
>Dick pics
>Randomly bring up their fetishes
>Ghosting
>They can't start a normal conversation without them pivoting towards sex
>Randomly start telling you that they have no confidence in themselves and want to reach out for your pity to coddle them
>The start commenting on a woman's appearance despite themselves being fat or balding
>A "coffee date" where they start bringing up sexual topics
>He talked about himself the entire time
>They randomly give you advice you didn't ask for or don't even need or want
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Men love to bitch how they are ignored by women but from my experience it is the women who are usually decent towards strangers regardless of their looks, when men are the ones who look at you with disdain if they don't find you attractive. I went from 50 kg to 62 kg and I lost a big chunk of my hair because of my autoimmne disorder a the way they treat me now is like night and day compared to how they used to treat me. And back then I didn't even wear any make up. I was just thin and I had pretty long hair. Men were very "kind" to me and now they either treat me like I don't exist or they're straight up mean to me. I don't even talk about showing any romantic interest, just basic human decency. And just recently a male therapist, looking almost visibly disgusted, told me I looked like I didn't take care of myself and that my hair looked bad kek, which isn't my fault; I tried all kinds of products and styling but since I got sick I can't do anything about the texture of my hair, it's also so thin at the top it's hard to style anyway. Even if I wasn't performing femininity, a man would never dare to say something like this to my face 5 years ago. But now that they no longer find me fuckable they treat me like shit

>>128011
You can't account for everything in a relationship. The best course of action here is to assume good faith or go with him to meet her so you can decide for yourself if they seem romantically attached onesided or otherwise.

My question is why even be with a moid who’s asexual? What even is the point?

>>128037
Because I love him and he loves me? There's much more to relationships to sex, which we will in fact eventually end up having by the way. I just want to wait till marriage. All I have to say is at least by dating a guy that doesn't need sex I don't have to worry about pleasing him all the time.

>>128016
He has expressed an interest in me sexually, and we have experimented in a few ways, but we have never gone so far as to have penetrative sex or oral. He almost ate me out but I changed my mind before he could actually get to that part. He does feel arousal but if I had to explain, for him it's rare and when it happens it either takes a long time or it comes from something simple yet not sexual in nature.

>>128014
We've been together a few months, not that long though. I don't really want to bring it up because I don't feel like it's necessary really. I have been more open to asking what he's been up to.

Depends on the source of the issues
It’s normal to be a bit anxious when you’re young imo and it gets fixed by more exposure
If the anxiety is very debilitating and doesn’t leave easily it could be trauma based
Also sometimes the person just keeps objectively fucking up these situations which causes feelings of inferiority , maybe a cognitive or health issue, maybe something else, at that point you need a different solution

But at any of these points what helps is having more social support, always

For me it was just exposure therapy. I needed money so I got a job and it was actual hell at first but over time you're forced to experience the socialization over and over again until you get a bit better at dealing with it.

There aren’t many methods of coping posted here which is very depressing. Is it possible to not care about this, even temporarily, without convincing yourself that you’re pretty? I find myself being upset about this every waking minute, even when I’m completely alone where it shouldn’t matter.

I hate having a wide face, I can’t even tie my hair back or put it behind my ears because I look like the moon emoji and charlie kirk. picrel

>>127744
> Is it possible to not care about this, even temporarily, without convincing yourself that you’re pretty?
Dear nona, I have some insights for you, do with them as you please. I want you to look back to yourself, as a child. Do you have any pictures to look at, or can you picture yourself in your mind? When you look at her, I hope, you probably think she's quite cute, still happy. I hope, you wouldn't say such harsh things about her, as what you may tell yourself now.

You might think how that's way different. You're older now! And you're right. What was the age you started becoming self conscious? For me it was pre-teen, I think this is similar for everyone, perhaps teen years. While we grow up, and our brains develop, we can process our life experiences and become aware of certain expectations. This is my insight: Unfortunately all suffering and misery can be led back to other people, and the pressure of the expectations they hold. I'm not necessarily talking about a certain person in your life, but how all people basically act and think due to how our society is set up. (and remember: women are, still, always at a disadvantage!!)

So When you feel sad/or are picking yourself apart, think about why? It isn't even making you happy! So why are you doing it? try to remember when you learned to see that aspect of yourself as negative, or even 'important' to think about. A nose is made for breathing for example, why do we care if it small or big? You will find out it will always be due to ideas from other people (either direct or indirect), and even though you can't do anything about this, it does redirect the 'fault' from you, to, well, others. This has made me at least feel better, because I, nor you, don't have any inherent faults or uglyness. It is always a result of societal pressures.

And social media doesn't help this at all. unfortunately the majority of people you see online are -in terms of beauty- exceptional. You don't see these people in regular life, but online it's become 'normalized'. It is a bit cliche, but recently I have completely deleted all social media (even messaging apps) , and I cannot begin to describe the benefits it has brought me. Aside from my immensely improved focus, not having something/someone to compare myself to (sub consciously even) has also incredibly helped my sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>127744
It’s like what people say about grief. You don’t get over it, you just learn to live with it. Just give it time is what I am saying, live life.

i constantly wear a full face of makeup and always have my hair done while only keeping heavily angle and lighting frauded photos in an attempt to delude myself into thinking i am prettier than i am. ofcourse, it doesnt work and leaves me with intense feelings of guilt due to being a catfish. I also try comfort myself with the idea that in the future ill get all these surgeries to fix what ive got going on, but in this economy i wont. being a 4/10 lanky, socially inept teen was a traumatic experience.

>>127980
nobody lucks out when their partner is into anime. anime is fucking retarded.

>>128009
Beautifully said. I am engraving this on my tombstone

>>128009
insert salieri gif

>>127962
No, he isn't gay, stop acting like a TIF and trying to dictate how much of a man he is. Or are you an undercover TIM posting here? If you are going to be crying about him not being some himbo, a monolith, a cardboard cutout instead of an individual then just leave him. He probably has a hentai addiction anyway.

every tranime-loving male friend ive had was bisexual

>>125583
I'll be honest i said i didn't care a while ago but it's been 2 months so checking in. Can u admit it was all a rouse?

>>125583
>being abused by this man for literal years
>"gee, I hope my husband can be convinced to go to therapy!"

Girl.

Maybe you can go to therapy is his place because your delusions are almost as bad as his.

Only update when you've decided to leave him for good.

>>127275
OPhere, it's not a ruse. I'm staying with my MIL tonight because things got out of control again. I'm probably going to start on seperating oncexthe new year opens.

OP here again, thinking about fucking his mom as a revenge

OP. Husband has completely lost it. I escaped last night and stayed with my MIL. I can't really affor a hotel so I'm going to stay at a manga cafe nights. The problem is my husband sent me shopping but didn't trust me with my own phone, so I have his. I can't access my email or line, or use paypay. Luckily I have cash.

No plan except never going back. Looking forward to freedom in 2026.

>>127946
Noo I wrote this myself😭 i thinks thats quite obvious

>>127947
I thought it was good. Don't accuse, explain how it affects you.

Your boyfriend sounds anxious and you sound a bit avoidant. That's the most agonizing dynamic in a relationship.

>>127955
It's true but I'm getting over it for him. I've been more open bout my feelings and forcing myself to communicate cause I love him and whatnot. It's hard but he's worth it to me

>>127968
That's cool. I'm praying for you Anon 🙏

you’re not having fun
i think that you should ride
call me when you’re ready to be real

did i get lost along the way?
lose my mind for a new identity?
i quite enjoy ruining your day
and i just wanna cause a entropy

you tried so hard
to make a hero out of me
but there are some rules i don’t obey
and i just wanna cause a little chaos and
entropy

you tried so hard
to take the discord out of me
but guess what?
i wasn’t born that way
and i just wanna cause a little entropy

and when you shame me
it makes me want it more

Friday night, time to get drunk
Go, go to the party, time to get drunk
Arrive in the Clio, get driven by a hunk
Straight to the bedroom, driven by a hunk
Plenty of boys in the yard
One look at me and they get hard

H-Hard as stone, ready to bone
Like Medusa on a party throne
DJ, DJ, DJ DJ DJ
Slow it down for an epic BJ
Thanks, man, so glad you came
I think I love you, what's your name?
Don't leave yet, we're having fun
Friday night, number one
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