/feels/ - Advice & Venting

My boyfriend who I'll be moving to soon and I had a conversation. I asked if the money he is going to make is going to be enough, and he said yes. I said it would be better if I work too, and not be a leech plus the money I'd bring in would be nice and he passionately refused insisting I wouldn't need to work.
I'll say that I like the idea of being a stay at home mom and stuff, but being completely financially reliant on him is… restricting?
Is this what people call a red flag?
I have to say that he is a wonderful person whom I woud do anything for and I love him very much but every once in a while I think about this conversation.

song lyrics

I’m so frustrated and I feel so defeated because I just can’t make life interesting again. I can’t recall the days anymore and they all just fade into each other and time is speeding up so much because of it.

I’m 28 now but I feel old. I think of memories from just 2 years ago and I barely recognize myself in them. I used to be so adventurous and brave, and it felt like every day I’d have meaningful moments, even if they were just by myself.

Now my life is so dull and boring, it makes me want to claw my eyes out sometimes.

2 years ago I moved to the US on a hope and a prayer. I used my life savings to move on a visa and I had 4 months to find a job. It quickly became clear that I might not find one, and I’d have to go home and be broke and move back in with my parents and start over. But with an ego hit from failing in the US ontop of it. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to go through that humiliation and defeat, or even just how much energy it would all take to start over again back home - so I had it in the back of my head that I might just call it quits with life before then.

Because of this I lived each day like it was my last, I spent all my time on the streets day and night. I made so many good memories back then. I used to walk at night around, I remember sitting in the cold air by a pet cemetery at night just feeling so alive. Everything felt so real. I feel like I lived a whole lifetime in just those 4 months. But even before moving to the US my life felt so much more real.

Now everything just feels fake. I can’t escape the fake plasticness no matter what I do. Every person I meet is just sorta the same, I can make friends with them but its like they’re hardwired to never talk deep about anything. It drives me crazy and makes me feel something terribly alone. I got my wish in the end and got a job and stayed in the US, but its like some sick trick where my wish got granted but the catch was everything in life becomes hollow.

I seriously have no light in my eyes anymore. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I force myself to go to things and talk to people, but everywhere I go I just stand there with my eyes on the ground like a statue. I feel like part of the decor rather than a human.

How can it feel so different in just 2 years? I just can’t feel anything anymore, I can’t even fantasise about a happy life for myself because I can’t even figure out what would make me happy.
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Share any unpopular opinions you hold here.

What is being in a good relationship supposed to be like?

For me it always goes like this:

>They like it when I talk about them or try to share things that might be related to them or pique their interest
>Conversations don't flow naturally. It's just like a job interview where you have to try and care about their life, or talk about whatever they want to share, otherwise nothing happens
>They don't care about my life at all
>They only like it when I'm available for them
>They only like it when I am there for them
>They only like it when I am making an effort for them
>They don't want to know anything about me
>The don't care about how I feel
>They don't even want to hang out with me
>They talk about other women more than me, they just use me as a tool for complaining about their other women
>The compliments and "I love you" feel really insincere, forced and empty, like there's nothing there, just empty words probably copied and pasted
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my boyfriend’s porn addiction is making me lose my mind. I first found out about it in early August but I keep finding out things he’s lying about. At first he framed it as just watching a random video then closing. Then, I found out he used to pay for OF while we were together. after this, I found out that he was doing this shit the entire time before I found out and he had a twitter account for OF egirls + bought an anime porn game. He first blamed his problem on our relationship issues before I found out he was doing it the whole time.
He said that what I sent him wasn’t “enough to look at” compared to porn despite him literally being overweight with a receding hairline (quickly apologized but still).

After I found out about the OF stuff, I started cheating on him online. I was a very popular cosplayer and used to make lots of money off of my looks, so it feels weird and makes me feel resentful because I feel like he doesn’t admire my looks like this. Flirting with girls/guys online feels like an escape from feeling like I’m ugly + feels like a gotcha. It makes me want to show off my body and for a while I even thought of doing gravure work when I move back to Japan. I feel horrible for doing this. I used to hate male attention, but I feel relief when a cute moid hits on me. it’s like a “atleast someone appreciates my looks”.

He’s been a great partner and has been treating me amazingly since but I still feel this way sometimes and I feel like a horrible person. What should I do? Am I a bad person?

Why should I have to settle for an ugly man just because I'm an ugly woman? I hate ugly men.

Men can impregnate multiple women at once so all women should just be able to share the few actual good looking men.

I'm dating in the city, and I've noticed that poly people will just not leave me the fuck alone. It doesn't really matter how clear and polite I make it that I'm not interested in being with multiple people, these people will continue to push you, prod you, try to get you drunk to sleep with you or worse fucking lie to you about it for a long time. It's not even just men, a lot of the times its women, especially bi women pimping themselves out for their boyfriends, even lesbians. These people will make a big stink about how what they're doing is the most humane, down to earth, ethical way to fuck someone even while actively pushing your boundaries, even after straight up hiding this from you to take advantage of you. At this point I'm pretty sure some of them just have a fetish for coercing people into this shit.

I had someone reveal this while fucking me after talking to me for weeks, and I've reached a total breaking point.

This might be too much of a Brooklyn problem, but if you're in any major liberal city I'm sure you could throw a stone and hit any of these creeps. Anyone have any idea wtf is wrong with these people? How do I get them to leave me the fuck alone and go fuck each other instead?

I'm not sure if my boyfriend cheated on me or not. He tried to meet up with his ex but he hasn't. Didn't? I'm not sure. Everytime I try to talk about it he seems to sigh a little, maybe it's out of shame. I love him so much. He told me he wanted to stay. I'm letting us stay together, but I'm so nervous. I want to trust him again. I'm tired of being a paranoid schizophrenic about this. I love him so much. I don't wanna get hurt again. This is a horrible, no good, bad thing, isn't it? He held me and panicked a whole night with me about it. Oh, geez. Geez, geez, geez.

felt like this should be a thread tbh
what's everyone up to? i'm thinking of downloading tinder again