/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Thread to discuss Long Distance Relationships. The struggles, the pros… meeting the person for the first time… meeting them for the 50th time… vent both sad and happy things. LDRs can be quite a challenge but it's the right thing for some people.

i was proposed to but there are a lot of red flags and i’m really having some doubts. for starters it was an impulse proposal and i wouldn’t have wanted my engagement photos where i was dressed the way i was. he let me leave the house looking like absolute shit and only posted the ugliest photo. the other photos i don’t have a double chin. other girls have best friends that take them to do nails and secretly get them ready. a female friend was there and knew and didn’t do anything to help me with my appearance beforehand. he bought the rings there. i don’t know if he thinks i’m fat but my ring is sized so poorly i can’t wear it and we’ve been turned down so far at the shops we’ve taken the rings to because they don’t work with cheap metal or rings they didn’t sell there. like it’s not a size too big it’s dangling off my finger and i have no idea why he thought my finger would be so huge it makes me want to cry. my friends are all furious for me. he doesn’t make that much money it’s true but he could have gotten me a real ring. and then i came home. and i found out his ex got proposed to the same day. the same. day. and she had been aware of it and had a spa day with her friends and a gorgeous engagement shoot and party with loved ones. and it’s not even her real engagement party. hes talking about whether or not i think she’ll send him the announcement “to rub it in”. they have mutual friends and i can’t help wonder if my engagement was a last minute response to her engagement so he could post ours first? she had a professional photographer and mailed out announcements before she posted online about it. my engagement photo shoot was also an impulse - we were on a walk with a friend and he snapped some pictures and we called it an engagement shoot. my ex had been talking about his exes prissy snobby etc engagement and i think our friend felt bad for me. since then, he’s disappeared inside himself. he’s on the computer all day. he wouldn’t even pay attention to me right after at my dads birthday party, just sat in a lawn chair in his stupid yellow shirt drinking beer after beer scrolling on his phone occasionally hiding his phone screen trying not to make eye contact with me. we had a talk about it and i said i wasn’t insecure and my friends have been supportive and game with me when he won’t. he got jealous and has been making an effort to join in now and NOW he has a problem with screen time and wants to go out. to places he used to go with his ex or placePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Why should I have to settle for an ugly man just because I'm an ugly woman? I hate ugly men.

Men can impregnate multiple women at once so all women should just be able to share the few actual good looking men.

Do you guys ever just stop mid goon to cry? Like seeing people have sex and wanna have sex with each other just makes me want the same thing so bad.

feels like I'm excluded from womanhood because I have a hormonal condition (pcos) and I'm a tomboy
>Be me
>25 year old female ,who powerlifts
>Have a decent amount of muscle and deep voice due to pcos as well as body hair from the age of 12
>Join a women's only art discord server
>Women think my art is made by my boyfriend,I say no
>I join the VC , get told for my face to be stomped and instantly banned
>Had enough because this happens to me everyday,even in the women's bathrooms. Decide to join again and send my pussy and tits to the mod ,and get promptly banned again as expected (that's fair enough)

Damn

>girlboss it in the trades nona! rosie the riveter, nona!
>lots of money there nona!
>learn skills nona!
>it's not like the old days anymore nona!
>you definitely won't end up face-down ass-up on a disgusting man's disgusting truck floor like the world's least expensive prostitute nona!
If there are any other nonas in trades here - how do you put up with this world???
i could rant for HOURS but basically while i actually enjoy fixing things and being active and i don't mind getting a bit greasy, i just cannot deal with the people in this business. 95% of guys in trades are literal stone age far-left-of-the-IQ-bell-curve cavemen who salivate at any useless shiny bauble that says "Milwaukee" or "Snap-On" on it and THROW their money at the salesman offering 50% interest financing plans, condemning themselves and the GFs and wives they often somehow have to a life of debt slavery
My sister is like "oh at least there are hot guys" lmao these guys inhale hot dogs and soda and "self-medicate" totally avoidable bad knees with weed and vape. The soundtrack to every day is my colleague's douchecore spotify algo playlist (literally Nickelback, late Eminem i.e. "Ass Like That" and Thong Song and Kid Rock). Not attractive
The couple (literally 2) cute and possibly interesting boys I've met in this business have been taken and too painfully shy/awkward to get to know well respectively
Everything is filthy and disorganized and if you try to be a bit more orderly and organized yourself, apparently that makes you a princess
the vehicles are all disgusting because apparently guys who drive them all have no self-respect
I feel like my friends are slipping away because we can't relate to one another's daily lives and when I get home I just feel exhausted and like time is passing with no way to differentiate one day, week, month from another
Anyway that's all, just getting older with a wrench in my hand and my ass in the air and my face in the dirt

I think I’m reaching the end of my relationship and I can’t tell if I’m finally becoming honest with myself or just spiraling.

The weirdest part is that my boyfriend has no idea how much manipulation and performance existed at the beginning of our relationship on my side. Not even in a cartoon evil way. More like… I knew how to become what he wanted emotionally and I did it very intentionally. Sometimes when he says romantic things to me now, I get this horrible detached feeling because instead of hearing sincerity, my brain immediately goes: “yeah, but you engineered this.” Like I built the emotional architecture and now I’m uncomfortable living inside it.

But then another part of me wonders if ALL relationships are kind of like this to some extent. Maybe most people just aren’t self-aware enough to interrogate attraction and attachment this hard. Maybe everyone performs a version of themselves in the beginning and then later feels trapped by it. I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m uniquely toxic or just hyper-conscious of dynamics most people leave unexamined.

Lately I’ve been thinking about ending things. I can feel him trying harder to get closer to me, texting more, being more attentive, wanting reassurance. It almost feels like he senses me slipping away. And instead of making me feel loved, it makes me feel trapped and guilty. Sometimes I can’t tell if he actually deeply loves me or if he’s terrified he won’t find someone else who fulfills certain emotional needs for him. Then I wonder if I’m the reason he feels that way now. Like maybe I slowly trained him into emotional dependency and now I resent him for it.

What’s also confusing is that one of the reasons I liked him initially was because he felt normal compared to me. Grounded. Socially functional. Less mentally tangled. But over time he started becoming stranger, more isolated, more emotionally intense, and I genuinely can’t tell whether that was always inside him or if being close to me dragged it out. I hate even typing that because it sounds narcissistic, but it’s honestly something I think about a lot.

And despite all this, he gets under my skin in a way nobody else ever has. It’s almost physical. Certain tones in his voice or certain phrases instantly trigger rage or disgust or panic in me and I become obsessed with analyzing WHY he has that effect on me specifically. Sometimes I think I’m psychologically studying him more than loving him. WhPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I survived COCSA when I was in middleschool. Everyone in my family knows, yet none of them talk about it (I don't really expect them to), and I'm too scared to tell anyone. Since it happened, I have had to deal with this by myself. This of course didn't go well, since time after time, since I was eight, I've somehow ended repeating the same situation where I'm degraded sexually.

I have only learned one thing from all of this, and it's the reason why I feel I should step out of dating for a while (although predators always find a way to slip into your social circle ). But I have also learned that anything that you "seek" in a man, you can already give it to yourself.

Dating feels amazing, but if you're doing this for a specific and selfish reason, you should really question if whatever you're looking for can already be found within yourself (or other relationships like you girlfriends). Be kind, take care of yourself.

I hope things go better for me. I'm tired, terribly tired of going through the same situation agan and again. After all of this, I unfortunately forgot how a normal relationship should feel like. One where I don't feel disposed after they…well.

i really like my bf, but i can't help myself wishing i was with a girl. he''s amazing, does everything well, we get along super well, have similar hobbies, enjoy each other 's company, he's polite and fun to be around, even my parents like him. The dates are cute and fun, but i feel like im not really feeling much, kind of hollow. on the otherside I love my bestie, she is amazing, caring, loving, even drove in a snowstorm to save my ass once. we made each other bracelets, cook for each other, talk all day, she gave me a beautiful birthday card and took me to a concert, and we even say goodnight messages to each other everynight. I feel guilty about this because i feel like i'm getting something out of our platonic friendship that i cannot get from my boyfriend, and i keep apologizing to him because i feel like its not right. I told him before that i do love girls and he's my first real boyfriend that i want to try stuff out with.
>lmao just dump him and run away with Bestie
I can't do that since she is in a really sweet relationship herself. her BF and Her both had awful awful relationships in the past and they are sooooooo sweet for each other, i do not want to wedge myself in between them, despite bestie asking her bf if he'd be cool with kissing girls and he is. Bestie also told me she just wants to be besties and not do anything romantic, despite us both kinda crushing on each other since we met and we had to stop ourselves couple times before we did something. idk if im making any sense but i just know i want to have a relationship with a girl, but also still have a close companionship with my bf. Maybe the perfect scenario would be me being mainly with my bf, and occasionally go on dates with girls, but idk im just rambling eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help me nonas ;_;

Idk if I'm being stubborn about feeling this way but I genuinely don't want to have more than one sexual partner in my life. I already did it to someone I regret about doing with since we keep doing this rigamarole of breaking up and getting together. We're both young and in our twenties yeah and while I'm the slightly older one and should know better, I keep folding for him until this past week. We broke up again and I'm not even upset this time, but I'm still committed to my outlook because sex genuinely hasn't brought me much good in my life. I dealt with one miscarriage from our relationship and I just genuinely can't picture myself doing it again with another person.

My ex says I'll grow out of it but, he's not the one who dealt with losing a pregnancy or being a woman in a culture that values us based on our purity. We're both from a similar background so it's not like he isn't aware. Sometimes I regret putting it out for him, I wasn't forced by any means but if I could go back in time; I would've said no. I miss being a 'virgin' but what's done is done, I rather just not be intimate with a male ever again. Am I being too stubborn? Be brutally honest.