/feels/ - Advice & Venting

hello nonas i kind of need advice kind of just need to vent. about a boy
i've known this boy online for a while and we never really talked privately, but i wa offline then came back a few months ago. he was one of the first ppl i reached out to, mostly to be added back to a gc, but i also sort of had a crush on him and just kept thinking of him after a few months of being single.
we talked n realized we were visiting the same city at the same time, and he thought i was cute too. we met up and then we slept together. it was actually really sweet and we stayed up talking a lot. then he invited me to go to the next city with him. i said yes. we spent like 5 days together there and met his friends together and everything, and were 'acting like a couple' . he even peeled an orange for me around other girls lolol he didn't know the meme though
anyway on the 2nd night in the 2nd city he was a bit drunk but he told me, when we were back in the hotel room, "i think i might love you [after this i kind of short-circuited so the next part is paraphrased], as much as possible for how much i know you". i told him i was n love with him. he said we were "yeah, dating i guess" next morning. i told him i love him again at some point and he told me not to be irresponsible

it's been like 2 months since then and he still is not deciding if he wants to actually date me or not. we are basically as long distance as possible, like i think his city is one of the longest flights from mine, on a global scale, so also different countries. but i really love him i'm so obsessed with him. he's also much smarter and more attractive and successful than i am so he is way out of my league and it is a little intimidating. i have never "dated up" before and i've also never been rejected.

nonas is he leading me on or how do i make him make me his girlfriend
or how i do deal with rejection if it's inevitable lolol

post yr ideal partner

I've never dated before and need to know if this guy showed red flags. I would love any insight at all on any of these. I'm going to list some things he did or said in as close to chronological order as possible. But this all happened over the course of 5 months

1. spent years job hopping/bumming and smoking weed bc he wanted to be a rockstar after dropping out of college
2. got hired by his dad after a few years and moved back home(but works hard tbf)
3. generally just came on strong at the beginning, reading my tarot and saying i look like a saint/goddess
4.
5. told his whole family about me and showed them my pictures after the first meet up
6. told me he loved me the first time we met up, cried when i didn't say it back (i did not take this seriously but told him we could keep talking because he was crying)
7. said he was kind of autistic? (don't care)
8. has a cat (petty of me)
9. told me he liked me because i remind him of his mom while we were having a break up convo
10. would forget information i told him
11. would complain about food at restaurants as we were eating
12. didn't like spending money despite saying he wanted to spoil me
13. told me he felt we were going so slow when i felt he was going pretty fast for an online relationship
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can we please start a pros/cons list of the bf you are dating.

i am sick of seeing bf brag threads, we need a counterbalance with the crappy things your bf does on top of the good things. can be as little as pet peeves!

I would like to make friends to have someone when I go out places (store, mall, out to eat) but as a girl it’s hard to make friends when you’re not an “OMG GIRLIE YOUREE SO PRETTYY” type of person.

I feel like so many girls on my campus are like this. Idk if I’m autistic or what’s wrong with me, but I struggle to act like that.

idk if this is the right board to post on, or if i should move this to /x/… but is it possible to genuinely have permanently bad karma or be cursed or some shit? in the past 6 months alone, this is everything thats happened…

> house gets broken into by 2 men while im home alone
> really sudden and severe anxiety and depression resulting in a months-long disassociative episode that won't go away
> fallen off so bad from school / my grades so suddenly that all my teachers are surprised
> entire friend group fell apart even though we were very tight?? happened so suddenly??
> found this cute guy, talked to him, got his @ and found out he has a gf of 2 years.
> was put on meds for anxiety but the meds ended up making me so ill i missed / flopped an exam then proceeded to get the flu the following day,, its been 3 weeks and i still have a nasty ass cough lol
> guy #2 ghosted me after one message
> guy #3 ghosted me
> noticed by artist I liked who suddenly ghosted mid convo :skull:
> my first therapist dropped me because he thought i was beyond help
> girl i went on a date w/ turned out to be an insane psycho
> second therapist goes on leave for 2 months when i coincidentally need help the most
> anxiety meds don't work on me
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Most of what I saw growing up was gaslighting, being told im crazy, women getting trashed / revenge porned or being cut down for being this or being that. Having their minds fucked over by family, men, other women, and living as fragments of a human being.

So I decided i hated people and society and wanted nothing to do with them. I want nothing to do with what society wants from me as a woman and if you're going to spurn me for it id like to dump acid on your face. I just don't understand why other women go along with it, and pretend to be happy when i know they're genuinely miserable. I see them complain about their expereinces day in day out. Why do they strive to play out that whole farce and pretend and make each other miserable for the sake of a shitty performance when you can just duck out of society and have nothing to do with men or shitty misogynistic women, or any of it??? I always try to understand this. It doesn't matter how you look as a woman you will get trashed, gaslighted, and have your sanity destroyed by somebody.

I really never saw much else growing up. I have to vent because it makes me disgusted and want to stay inside for eternity.

What was the most fun/creative date you’ve ever been on?

If you've never dated, what are fun/creative dates that you would like to have?

I met this PhD guy years ago back in college (I'm a dropout now , whatever I still make decent money with my current freelance job). Though didn't really start dating him until recently. We were just kinda "there" in each other's lives for a while. But here’s the thing:

>I have been an ADHD loser all my life.
>I have literally zero friends IRL.
>I spend most of the day in front of a screen
>Hard pass on almost every moid who's tried to hit on me

At first, I was kinda into him, even kissed him a couple of times, but when it comes to sex? I've got the libido of a rock, like… literally zero interest, but I was always like this, I don't know why, I think I might be asexual, although I like the idea of having romance with a man and a good relationship, I don't understand myself. We’ve been together for some time and still haven't done anything. And tbh, the whole relationship's gone cold this year, especially with him constantly traveling and me just… existing all day in my room chatting and my freelance laptop job or doing ADHD-OCD things (worst combination ever).

I think I've caught the ick. At first, I thought he was cool, now he's just cringe. He tries so hard to be this "nice guy" but I just want him to be a little rough if he wants to have sex, because I can't get horny easy, and I like that style where a man is super into you and loses control. Is that too much to ask? But nope, "too violent," he says and thinks I only want this because of truama a coertive abusive relationship I had with a moid once who I've developed stockholm syndrome back in my mid 20s (I also never had sex with him because of distance, thankfully but he managed to make me send him a bit intimate stuff through coertion and emotional blackmail). And I'm not asking to get beat up, just a little passion. Whatever, it’s a turn off.

Casual sex? Disgusting. So no experience there, obviously. Every time he tries to initiate, I shut it down. Every. Single. Time. Plus, I'm converting back to Catholicism, so it's probably better if I stay chaste until marriage anyway, and the chances of marrying him are every day lower. So should I just break up with him already?

Share any positive feelings or positive things.

Garden your soul garden.
Every focus is infinite multiverses.
Keep watering the ideas/plants that make you feel the loveliest love


Here’s a thing that has made me feel so good and is important to me:
Thousands of Polska girls and Belarus girls are covering my NorthAmerican city with graffiti. They’ve somehow clearly gotten the idea to all become collectively like a splatoon. It has changed the energy immensely and really improved the omnipresent feminism quality~level vibe. These girls have religions about ancient euro queens and it really shows, lots of ethereal stuff.. I see so many soulful girls are more comfortable loitering around and making anywhere a party! That’s SO important! Sovl