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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

b90b9b2b649ad036fe…

my ex Anonymous 120725[Reply]

i need to look pretty for my ex i need to look pretty for him hes my ex my soulmate and he will come back to me i need to
get a wig same colour as woman he cheated me on
and maybe dye it the colour too because he cheatedon me maybe because it was too ugly
i need to get lip filler so its bigger than his (hes jamaican and im white so my lips so thin he probably cheated on me cus of them too)
need to get mroe tattoos that are of him.

idk i lve him a lot and i will look good when i drop off his childhood teddy maybe he will give mesome money too cus hes rich idk
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 120727

1659222097004933.j…

>>120725
I really hope this is bait. Simping for yor ex is ridiculously desperate.

Anonymous 120728

Dye your hair blonde get eyelash extensions and invite him over to hanukkah next time

Anonymous 120734

>>120725
nona, this is what happens when you get with moids who are out of your league (or atleast think they are)
they treat you like shit, use your for your body, then dump you for a girl who is better looking, and treat them right instead
they are literally all like this.

Anonymous 120735

I just know that he is not even all that

Anonymous 121313

GoPtJmSXMAAWvrY.jp…

>>120727
she said he was rich. imagine losing all that money.



5627130cf5191c0f22…

what is going on here? Anonymous 121272[Reply]

I live with my younger sister who is 20. I am 24. She has always had weird mood swings since she was a kid but every since she became a teenager who smokes/drinks/does drugs she goes absolutely off the wall if you tell her something she doesn't like.

for example, if someone asks her to clean something up she will go into a screaming fit, arguing with you about how she already did something a few days ago, or how you're "so fucking annoying and retarded", going around slamming doors and sometimes breaking my things.

If I ask her nicely, she ignores me or tells me to shut up. If I tell her to do it, she flies off the wall. If I wait for her to do it on her own, she doesn't do it.

She says it's "the way I ask her" but when she asks me to do something, and I say no, she flies off the handle too. Recently I told her to stop talking to me that way when she started screaming 3 sentences into a conversation and she told me
1. That I started it
2. That I piss her off
3. That I need to watch how I talk to her and ask her things
I told her it's her choice to get so angry over a simple question and she said it was my fault again.
I know for a fact that I did not raise my voice once when I was talking to her. I specifically kept it down because I didn't want to feel insane again, because these fights always get warped in my memory and she starts using things against me that aren't true, but I can't prove wrong.
Maybe I do have an "attitude" when I tell her? Am I just the mean older sister?

I want to figure out what I'm doing wrong. I don't want to get in fights with her anymore, we're adults and I'm sick of it. I don't know how to predict these moods, and they don't even compare to dumb sister arguments we have. But it's very frustrating that I can't ask her a question if she's feeling "off" because it'll turn into a screaming match.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121285

Speak with her formally and then see her reactions.

Anonymous 121286

>>121285
I have, has not gone well

Anonymous 121292

>>121286
Beat her up. I personally only pinch my sister and she will clean her room …these days I don't even I have to remind her.
We have a neglectful mother and I cannot run behind my sister as I have other things to take care of so I don't feel guilty



5a9c2b9f60f197a239…

situationship stuff Anonymous 121269[Reply]

>spend years crushing on this one boy
>he's cute and has the same nerdy interests as me and never judges me for them
>plus he's just really hot
>we make plans to literally move in together
>he constantly says flirty shit and even called me his girlfriend many times
>even defends me from creepy moids
>he's just so AAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIM

>we both end up making two new friends, hang out with them frequently

>one of them is a girl, the other a boy
>these two end up dating but break up really fast
>she is now with my best friend and crush
>he barely even talks to me anymore
>complete abandonment after everything

how do i even keep moving at this point I've never felt so broken I've never met a man like him I'm scared i never will meet another man who i can trust like that and this girl was so nice but i can't help but hate her now when i shouldn't and i just don't know what to do
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121277

Move on you will find a good man if you open your heart to love. When I was 13 I had a crush on a guy so bad I ignored everyone till I was 17. I think I let that energy get in the way of finding love. I'm better now. I still cannot ask men out thougn. Its never happening sorry!

Anonymous 121279

>>121271
>I gave him all the signs in the world

So you didn't have an actual talk with him about it. You just assumed he'd understand what you meant. Instead of just not risking it and saying it very clearly and concisely like an adult.

Anonymous 121281

>>121279

yeah i know i just really did think i was safe when he was literally calling me his girlfriend i know I'm a fucking idiot i just was so scared that he'd reject me and I'd lose him as a friend and i just knew i was too ugly for him and i ended up being right anyway cause he left for a way prettier and younger girl

Anonymous 121283

>>121269
sometimes you have to make the move yourself, people are just too shy to do it

Anonymous 121284

>>121281
don't feel too bad. sounds like he wasn't worth it if he left you after all that



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Anonymous 121097[Reply]

Nonas is it awkward to date a guy who is 10 years your junior?
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121107

Yes but prepare to foreverally be considered a hypocrite when a guy you know says hes dating someone 10 years his junior and you even raise an eyebrow

Anonymous 121114

>>121107
>be considered a hypocrite
Wouldn't that make him a hypocrite, though?

Anonymous 121121

1734994319369561.j…

Men will on average live 6-10 years less than women, if you want to plan out dying together it makes a lot more sense to date men younger than you.

>>121107
They're not wrong to point out that hypocrisy.

gen z ( and younger millennials ) have gone off the rails manufacturing fake outrage about age-gaps to fan the flames of virtue signal nonsense for twitter and tiktok points. Have any of you seen those forced pred catcher channels of vigilante soyfaced grifters fishing 15-19yo guys ruining their lives for 15 minutes of updoots? thats what its all devolved into. ''she was only 17 364 23 59 you sick fuck'' has become unironic amongst these mouthbreathers.

Its all a symptom of societal infantilization, but in contrast to that for people who aren't insane the dating markets are opening up. If you find a cute guy thats 10 years younger than you jump on it and fuck everyone else who wouldn't care if you're happy anyways.

Anonymous 121234


Anonymous 121263

6467f2d07236479801…

If anyone asks; you're their guardian / dependant



IMG_1629.jpg

Are friends even a good investment in my 20's? Anonymous 121251[Reply]

I grew up in a very feminine household with little to no male presence, with most of my friends being women up until the end of highschool. I fell out with some of my life long friends due to finding out they were only friends so they could steal from me, leaving only 1 that stayed because she didn't live in the same city as me. At the time I felt betrayed and closed myself off from the area I lived in, resorting to making friends online. I made a lot of friends, even getting introduced into their friend groups, but that lasted about 4 years until it imploded due to petty drama. I'm now 22 in college and I no longer hold hope for making friends despite being in a college that has more female than male students. I've had some bad experiences the few times I did try and reach out like not caring for me but being overly invested in my boyfriend, judging me constantly, or attempting to create a codependent relationship that is all about them. I've never had a friendship where I didn't experience at least one of those things. My biggest question is, does anyone have advice for how to overcome this cycle and make genuine friendships before I'm out of college? I want to make the most out of being in college, I'm not the most socially inclined person, but I do bring a lot of energy to conversations because I love connecting with others.

Anonymous 121252

>>121251
You will have to go through a lot of shit to find the gem you're looking for. That's how it goes. Maybe try finding friends in your hobby groups rather than university?
>judging me constantly
What? Why?

Anonymous 121257

>>121252
That's true, I'll check out some clubs the school offers.
They judge me over everything, it differs each day but it's usually about how I look

Anonymous 121260

>>121257
And what do you look like? I'm assuming you wear a particular style?



1661574965872508.p…

THERAPISTS ARE SHIT Anonymous 120688[Reply]

A lot of therapists are unbearable interpersonally. They learn how to manipulate people by choosing their words carefully when they're in school and completely lose the ability to communicate genuinely with other people.

For most people this isn't a problem, but as someone who knows a lot of therapists, it makes it harder to make friends with them. Out of roughly 20 therapists I regularly communicate with, only 2-3 are capable of communicating without using therapeutic techniques. If I say "I'm going on a date and I'm worried it'll go well and I'll have to make lifestyle changes" these people say "sounds like you're worried about what comes next". No fucking shit, dude. You're supposed to laugh with me about it and say "it'll probably be fine" or something

Most therapists are awful at their job. In this training I was in yesterday, the trainer told the group that asking questions in therapy does not help the client. You're just supposed to manipulate, sorry, motivate them into completing their goals by reflecting stuff they say back to them (but only the stuff you like). Mental health trainings are so funny. Everyone just talks about the most effective ways to manipulate people but if you use the word manipulation everyone will scold you.

Most therapists come from wealthy backgrounds, don't have addiction or trauma experiences, and had the resources growing up to learn coping mechanisms to help them live with their extreme neuroticism. I worked with a lady once, we were doing adolescent substance abuse group treatment, and she would get mad and basically ground the clients for misbehaving. Like she was their mother. She believed her role was to "get them in line". She was afraid of drugs after doing pot once.

Another dude i worked with told me this client was "externalizing" and upset because of his divorce. But the client was actually schizophrenic and actively psychotic, but the clinician believed he was "faking" his delusions "to mess with" him. One clinician stopped seeing a client because the client didn't bathe, even though the client was seeing them for depression for which one of the symptoms was not being able to take care of themselves.

Therapists are deeply self righteous individuals and most of them are crap. People usually see 3-4 therapists before they find one they connect with well and feel cared for by. Therapy can be very helpful to you if you are lucky or if you have the time to shop Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
10 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121087

>>121043
>I could care less
Always bugged me. My "english" teacher in middleschool spewed this out nonstop, so one day I dared to correct her and explain the logic behind it. With blank face she replied
>It's "I could care less"
People are stupid, and stupid people are too stupid to realize they're being stupid so they continue to propagate stupidity ad infinitum.

Psychologists are just a technology - a way to externalize the burdens of thinking and processing to someone else. Now if people are stupid then they're probably too stupid to glimpse into the stupidity of their therapist.

What is the cure to stupidity? It's worse than conscious evil, because then at least there's clear intention and can be anticipated and isn't forgiven after the fact, but we can't punish stupid people for being stupid, can we? Even though they bring en masse suffering to people with a braincell.

Anonymous 121095

>>121087
>but we can't punish stupid people for being stupid, can we?
I believe they're punished daily, no? Gambling is a tax for the mathematically illiterate. Other morons will buy garbage food, at exorbitant prices, that makes their bodies fatter, their minds tirederererer (more fatigued is the correct comparative, I think, but I'm tirederererer myself), and their wallets lighter; if they rubbed some neurons together, they would put something nutritious into their bodies (e.g. a banana, although your average man is too scared bananas might turn them gay and their wives straight) and spend twenty (2-wenty) minutes not plonked in front of the idiot box (i.e. a box for idiots, not a box that is an idiot) to afford them the time to cook something. Stupidity yields negative returns, and we're about three (3) generations deep, with zoomers almost completing the fourth (4th) generation of no-brained dimwits that are driving the world to unforeseen lows (a devastating turn of events, especially after the great heights [h8s] that were the nineteenth [9, 12.7182818…th] century [100ury] AD [80]). Morons punish themselves, so it's probably "immoral" to punish them twice (2ice) as an agent with free-will. You kinda just need to manipulate them for personal gain, but haters will call this "anti-social behaviour."
But who am I to judge? I made stirfry last night, and I burnt it because I got cocky and thought I could peel the carrot and chop the pak choy faster than the onions would fry to a nice respectable brown. I was punished for my stupidity with burnt onion.

Anonymous 121230

>>121095
>You kinda just need to manipulate them for personal gain, but haters will call this "anti-social behaviour." But who am I to judge?
nona, we all burn some onions(oh,ñons!) once in a while.
But burning people for my own gain seems to be nearly impossible since my parents have raised me to respect others(more than myself) which makes every instance of destructive stupidity all the more aggravating. I attribute every instance to a larger whole and see how it affects the world, and map my actions to avoid creating such bad outcomes. Which in turn gives me bad outcomes for my own life, why do I continue to care? Is there a way to develop a thinking pattern that is based on manipulation for own gain? To just turn cognitive empathy off for one second so it doesn't lead me to help others in their pursuits and instead I employ them for my own?

Anonymous 121237

>>121230
>onions(oh,ñons!)
Thank you for playing along!

>my parents have raised me to respect others(more than myself)

preaching to the choir!

>etc. & so forth

I was being… Facetious. Jocular, perhaps. Stupid people infuriate me, but I don't hate them, nor do I wish ill on them (even if their stupidity causes me grief). I… It's all luck. "Good" luck… "Bad" luck… one follows the other so readily that labels like "good" and "bad" seem inaccurate at best.

We (as in you and I, and not a general 'we' as in 'humanity') were born lucky, evinced by our shared capacity to string together a cogent sentence. We were also born lucky, evinced by our shared vexations with others. I have used lucky to mean opposite things here, perhaps you will get my message, perhaps not… I could care less (because I care some - I want my message to get across).

I yearn for a you, and perhaps you yearn for a me. A thoughtful friend with whom to share some silence; this, my life is missing. (I imagine that, if you are like me, you will sit by my side and say maybe three (3) words to me every hour (3600 seconds), and I in turn will ration out equally parsimonious locutions). Yet nature has scattered us far and wide for a clear reason - this reason is to punish us. Of course! God wants us (you and me, specifically) to suffer, and so suffer we shall. No, that's not right… Well I've been drinking anyway, I guess. Tomorrow is a public holiday so my festivities are, to a small degree, justified. I do this because I get so lonely. I get lonely despite having friends, because inasmuch as I love them, I can't help but feel that I'm rotting away out here. My tooth hurts. I'm sorry. I wish I could love my friends all the time. I am… an idiot. We should be kind to people. Being kind is the ultimate manipulation, because they will be kind to us in turn. Just avoid being nice. Being nice and being kind are not the same, and the former is an affront to all that I stand for.

Anonymous 121238

>>121237
Words of wisdom that ring (like a nice bronze bell) true to my ear. And to act upon wisdom gained, I shall wish you a good (Good) Friday, and this I say out of kindness (and not niceness!!).
>I imagine that, if you are like me, you will sit by my side and say maybe three (3) words to me every hour (3600 seconds), and I in turn will ration out equally parsimonious locutions
I often fear I am too predictable that way(like clockwork), how is it that choice words and great silence can bring a greater sense of togetherness than any ongoing noise which purpose is to remind that they whom are there, are in fact still there? Perhaps it is the kind gift of shared time to mull and ponder(pun, there) Which changes everything.
Why, I think(or rather, have learned) it's not a gift but a meaningful investment, for the resulting utterings are precious. Right you have been proven to be (B), nona.



berserk.jpg

opinions? Anonymous 120832[Reply]

So basically my boyfriend is kind and loving but his gradually began talking to me like shit more frequently and over silly things. I would not be worried but sometimes when we fight his began doing things like push me or i tried to leave his mums house once to cool off and he grabbed me by my hair and shoved my face onto his bed so i couldnt leave, but this is kind of an isolated incident. im not sure if it is going to begin happening more often because his begun hitting or throwing things when he gets angry. We got into a fight about a month ago and i said i wanted to break up not cuz i wanted to but cuz i felt it was the mature decision but he threatend to kill me. im not retarded and i know these are red flags in a way but do you guys think its just heat of the moment anger in like isolated incidents or should i be worried? he never use to be like this and his dad beat his mum growing up so i really dont expect behaviour like this from someone who grew up seeing that but idk because im scared in the future it wont just be hair pulling and threats and might become serious. when it comes to the way he talks to me he kind of is just apathetic and mean then will become super loving and misses me so i just feel confused. i feel like his turning into someone i dont recognise but i love him so much, more than anyone ive ever loved before. i will probably talk to him about this and mention him turning into kind of a shitty person when his mad so i can combat the issue before it gets bad but i just am posting this here to ask for opinions or advice because i feel a little lost.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 120919

why are some women so restarted when it comes to men. this guy is going to kill you. he's probably going to stalk you when you leave him too

Anonymous 121214

once he thinks he can get away with it he wont stop. cliche but you'll find someone else. nobody's special

Anonymous 121215

once he thinks he can get away with it he wont stop. there are so many people out there man, even ones that dont want to kill you!

Anonymous 121216

what hes doing is a CRIMEEEE!!!!!!1 i know people are quick to tell women to break up with their boyfriends, but what he did to you is serious and a fucking crime. if a moid pushed me, grabbed my hair, shoved me or threatened to kill me id shoot him in the fucking head. leave.

Anonymous 121235

>>120832
What is it about him that you love?
Aside from that, I think he was hiding this type of behavior from you, and now that he feels comfortable with you, he is showing you is true self. If he is demonstrating aggressive and violent behavior, he may escalate to higher levels of aggression and hurt you. How much do you love him? Do you think you could love someone else just as much? Why do you want this man in your life? How important is he to you? Those are questions you should ask yourself.



1741980163396607.p…

Anonymous 120571[Reply]

My boyfriend and I are on a break from our relationship because he tried to manipulate me in the past. He told me I wouldn't find anyone else who would be as patient as him if I were to break up with him and repeatedly sounded patronizing when we were discussing about deep subjects together. I wanted to break up with him immediately, then I noticed he acknowledged his mistakes before apologizing and now he's trying his best to avoid hurting me. I love him because I can see he's really willing to grow up for me, but I can't get over what he said when we were fighting. Recently he's been crying a lot because he wants our relationship to continue, should I forgive him and give him another chance?
4 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121149

>>120571
Honestly unless you say similar shit to him then no, that was completely uncalled for and he said that fully aware of what he was saying. Don't stockholm yourself for him, find other options right now and once you're secure, break things off with him.

Anonymous 121150

>>120571
Words are just words to guys he probably never intended to make ypu feel belittled at all if he's truly expressing a desire to change for you shouldn't you atleast give him a chance to?

Anonymous 121160

>>121150
>bullets are just bullets to guys, he probably never intended to make you feel shot at when he pulled the trigger
Moid apologism - not even once.

Anonymous 121205

>>120571
repeatedly sounded patronizing when we were discussing about deep subjects together

I would just dump him for this, can't stand know-it-alls

Anonymous 121233

>>120571
Forgive him if you think he's genuine. Everyone makes mistakes and as long as he's willing to grow up, forgiveness is an option. My last relationship got ruined for the same reason cus my SO wasn't willing to move on or forgive me even if I bettered myself. Now I'm happy in a new relationship where I've not made the same mistakes, I changed but he wasn't willing to accept it. ofc it isnt true for everyone but see both sides of the coin



410935993_69688674…

Anonymous 118981[Reply]

Why do many people who offer social skills advice act as if simply listening and asking questions is the right way to go?

A good connection happens very naturally between people making a genuine effort to understand eachother. You can't just ask questions like a job interview, otherwise it's totally one-sided and there is not really a connection. If they only talk about themselves and don't care about you, then you should just walk away.
1 post and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 119770

I kinda have an issue with that, I fail to 'connect' with someone, but my questions are so good they usually start opening up about very personal stuff with me. I've found stuff about people that they haven't said to their family or long-time friends after just talking to them for a bit.

It's a bit frustrating. At some point I get bored but I just keep asking well-placed questions and they're loving it, completely letting it all out. Like g'damn, shut up lol.

Anonymous 119792

I think its a good strategy but its a lot of work. if you keep asking people about them, eventually someones going to wanna talk to you also.

Anonymous 119803

>>119770
This is so funny, I don't get my moids have such a problem listening without cutting in every second with answers! like dude just shut up and listen.

Anonymous 121210

>>118981
You're supposed to ask questions until you find something you have in common and then talk mutually about that topic.

Anonymous 121217

>>119803
Moids are very problem/solution-oriented. If they see something as a solvable problem they will chime in with "advice" to feel useful and try to fill the void in their heart where an actual personality should be.
>>119770
I get the same thing but I use it as a tactic. If I don't feel like talking about myself I just ask the guy something related to one of his personal interests and he will just keep yapping until I need the conversation to be over.



5432c8441cdb3a4797…

I can't make friends Anonymous 120990[Reply]

can't really make meaningful friendship with other girls and it's been getting to me tbh. no one in my area has the same interests as me, and friend groups NEVER work out.

there's always some stupid petty drama that has the whole thing fall apart and has everyone hate each other until the end of time.

and other friends that i've had were always passive aggressive or in one-sided competition trying to "one up" me in any way possible to fuel their egos.

another friend i had just straight up started dating a known rapist from our old school and thinks life is all sunshine and rainbows.

idk, everything just feels kinda fake. i don't like how fake it is and have honestly just started removing myself from social spaces or groups entirely. my only friends are probably just my mom, sister and boyfriend of 2 years and i'm happy and fine but i still feel as though i need to have some kind of 'girlhood' or 'connection' in my life but i cba and dont know what to do at all because everyone in my area is just so boring and lame it feels like talking to a brick wall at all times.

hopefully when i travel abroad shit is gonna get better and i get to meet new people but man where i'm at right now just straight up fucking sucks and everyone is a copypaste of the next "big thing" online it's killing me.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 120999

>>120995
Oh wow…I really like reading comics western or eastern. I'm also a lot into films …horror films to be exact

Anonymous 121000

>>120990
>idk, everything just feels kinda fake. i don't like how fake it is and have honestly just started removing myself from social spaces or groups entirely. my only friends are probably just my mom, sister and boyfriend of 2 years and i'm happy and fine but i still feel as though i need to have some kind of 'girlhood' or 'connection' in my life but i cba and dont know what to do at all because everyone in my area is just so boring and lame it feels like talking to a brick wall at all times.

Most female friendships are competition, drama, talking behind each other's backs.

Try to make friends with women who aren't bitches.

Anonymous 121003

>>120991
>>120990
>cordial relationships with people irl like my peers and have friends online that I discuss my interests with
Real. The only adult women I have ever managed to be good friends with have been sourced from the computer. I've since met all of them IRL and know that women that I vibe with DO exist in the 3d space but I feel like girls like us in particular are cursed to never have local friends.

I also think that having close IRL friends as an adult is oversold to us as common and normal so we start to feel bad when we don't.

Anonymous 121004

>>121003
> I also think that having close IRL friends as an adult is oversold to us as common and normal so we start to feel bad when we don't

This part is so true. I feel like as an adult having friends is too risky. One and two are absolutely needed but more than that is annoying to everyone. I feel like as an adult your family is better and that should be your focus ( obv if your family is good )

Anonymous 121203

>>120990
I feel you on all that. Every time I try to make friends with my roommates or coworkers it seems to fall apart and im back to square one. Ive tried the online friendships too but they dont seem to stick around either. Had a rather traumatizing experience with one of the last girls I tried to befriend with her posting about me for months on end hating me behind my back and pretending to be my friend till I found out and called her out for it. Now im always concerned its gonna happen again so I dont even know if its worth it at this point



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