/feels/ - Advice & Venting

It exists I had this with someone once. He thinks I manipulated him now when I didn’t he was always better with people than me. I miss him. I wish he didn’t think my sorrow was fake.

whenever the topic of unconditional love comes up, I always feel that it's always tied to unhealthy shit like overly idealizing a relationship, fantasizing too much or otherwise deluding oneself in some manner
I guess that's just how my experience has been. Even abusive relationships famously start out with an extremely strong honeymoon phase because the man conjures up some fake image of an absolutely deferential and submissive waifu

they exist! it's like… feeling beautiful. the kind of euphoria that druggies chase after.
ik people say 'be yourself!' but truly. have no filter, say your opinions, say whatever comes to mind, have an Open mind, listen to others, have Interest in others. The people who stick around you, because you are being yourself, you know they like YOu.
Other piece of advice if you're really into something niche (media, academic field, sex stuff, or otherwise) and you're like "my person needs to be into this" … go to online forums or in-person meetings for those things and be bold, make friends! (i say this because i found my bf who is an incredibly kind and generous person, on a kink site. love is real)

remember you're the only person who's going to die for you. So make the effort to appreciate yourself. start small and let yourself glow with comfort in your skin. Pick up a hobby or learn something new - there's something you can love yourself for. it's just remembering you're human, imperfect, and your existence is beauty itself. So don't let a man bring you down (if you find yourself too nervous to open his texts, or he reacts negatively to anything inherent about you like your humour or aesthetic/dressing style, Run!!)

Sry for word vomit. i think the main idea here is to appreciate as much as you can, live as yourself as much as you can, and when you begin to let your inner radiance shine, others will see that - including the man who will adore you.

stay strong, in the meantime look at some power lines or trees and remember it's going to be okay

>>122228
nice to hear someone having a good experience for a change

Not to be rude but you have to put in a lot of actual work even with meds. Meds aren’t a cure. You need to be self aware and you have to push yourself.

I don't know about ADHD itself, but ADHD symptoms may be caused by other things like trauma (cptsd) or nutrient deficiency. (like the first post nona said)
If you're always distracted by bad memories or are dissociating (spacing out) it could easily be trauma.

>>122231
I want to help you but we need more info. What does your day look like? What are you eating? How are you sleeping? I find my life is very heavily dominated by the main tenants of sustenance:
1. Eating well. Fast food, sodas, sugar, lack of vegetables, etc. hits us harder than neurotypicals. We must feed ourselves with care. High protein breakfasts are a necessity if you want your meds to work.
2. Sleeping. You must get consistent sleep and sleep at the same time every day. Obviously you can have a few days off, but I find the further I stray from my schedule the harder it is to get back. You’re also going to need more sleep than a neurotypical. Your brain works harder to do what our society requires of us, so we need more sleep.
3. Outside structure. We need to leave the house every day (which can be so hard with executive dysfunction). We also need outside structure… If you expect yourself to manage your life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. My grandpa has ADHD. When he was six years old, his teacher told his mother, your son is going to need a really good secretary! He’s lucky he’s been able to own his own business and do just that. He pays her extra to manage his whole life. Be upfront with bosses/professors/friends that you appreciate being held accountable. You don’t have to (I would even advise against it) share that you have ADHD.
4. Just stuff like exercise and socializing go a long, long way. Daily routines you can rely on and go back to but that don’t trap you. Learn how you learn, learn what helps you. Try new things. I find when I get stuck places putting on a TV show or some music helps immensely. It gives me just enough dopamine to get unstuck or stop doomscrolling. Stuff like that.

Life with ADHD is so, so fucking hard. It’s just enough of a disability to ruin your life but not enough for other people to believe it’s actually a disability. But there IS hope, and being medicated is a huge start. Is there something specific you are trying to do? I have various strategies I’ve developed for various things. They’re not foolproof. My biggest piece of advice is sleep. Everything for me comes back to sleep.

>>122250
youre so right this is a solid four point list to get my life in order. Food may be the biggest obstacle for me ngl i am very nervous of cooking meat … i will learn asap (my girlfriend is currently trying to teach me how to cook well)

the things i am trying to do? mostly academic things. i'm an undergrad student, i dislike my course (was pushed into it by family) but i'm finishing my penultimate year now so i might as well get the damn degree ..

i struggle with getting the coursework done because i really don't enjoy it. this is the biggest stressor in my life right now, i just don't like the stuff, so it's hard to get myself to do these things. Alas.
and i will keep sleep in mind. I've always known i sleep a TON .. never knew it could be cause of the adhd !

>>122246
forgot to respond to this one in my recent reply..
Yes i am also diagnosed w/ ptsd, though i never gave a thought to its 'interactions' with my adhd. working on finding regular counselling!

>>120355
>it's a very small percentage of people on websites like 4chan
hmm, not really, now it's the norm, you easily could see it on twitter or tiktok

>>121949
instagram too every video i see is just hate/racism/outing themselves as future offenders it's disgusting

Yeah this is a big reason why I decided to stay away from all forms of social media. I did try it a few years when it started becoming popular. But the overwhelming negatively I saw on many posts would too often ruin my mood, or the braindead content in most of the other posts just made me bored. Plus it's easy to become a target for random trolls by posting just about anything. And most posts I tried to make would quickly get buried in all the noise anyway. Overall it was a very depressing, isolating experience. Now I prefer to stick to more obscure places like small discords or forums. I will only chat with people who act like a decent human being. I would eventually like to ditch 4chan because I'm sick of seeing a lot of bad attitudes on there too but unfortunately it's nearly the only place I know of to see regular discussion on some video games or anime I like. Any recommendations for comfy places online with only nice people are greatly appreciated.

>>122212
who hurt you?

>>121953
my ex was a lolicon too and I absolutely destroyed him kek. he's still yearning for me

>>121960
how did you do it? cause mine was a hardcore shotacon and nothing I did worked. try and make him miss me, see what he lost for being a pervert? nothing. anonymously tipped his irl female friend who's a mom to a toddler with evidence of his pedo antics so she could protect her child? "fuck off, he's my friend". pray to the goddess of retribution? hasn't seem to done anything. I just want him to suffer for being a fucking degenerate but men like him are pretty much the standard and accepted/coddled nowadays so nothing really will get to him and yes, it makes me seethe. most he's done is post on twitter "when will i ever be enough for someone :c" sandwiched between two posts of drawn porn of women getting brutalized shortly after breaking up but that's it.

>>121966
well perhaps I shouldn't say this but I got physically violent with him. told him he had to atone for his sins by letting me slap him as hard as I could, then after I did that I'd continue to treat him coldly and refuse to touch him. I bullied him for months and would just endlessly try to make him cry, then I broke up knowing he had extreme abandonment issues. he flew down and stalked me and I'd just keep telling him to kill himself, got a restraining order. it's been years but he's still trying to stalk me online. I've moved on to date more conventionally attractive, wealthy guys which I know would make him insanely insecure.
> "fuck off, he's my friend".
thats disgusting, I fucking hate women like that.

take solace in the fact that he's probably depressed and is just going through the motions until he dies.

>>121968
thats rude anon

>>121398
talking to my own shit rn and i gotta tell u it’s much better than talking to the moid i just dumped

perhaps you could report him for this? threatening you, damaging your belongings

>>121962
He will just act more aggressive and try to harm my sister and me. He knows people that own guns etc etc.

>>121964
That sounds like a horrible living situation nona… If his biggest power is being a man, and knowing people with guns, thats not a lot of power. One up him. Buy a gun. Look at trailer parks near you. The worst that it can get is going to court, and he doesn't want that, but just in case, start keeping evidence. Best of luck nona.

>>122056
I would have done that a long time ago…unfortunately owning guns is not legal here

Are you me? I'm exactly the same apart from the not feeling horny part. I use erotic audios too.

there is no hope for us
i feel the exact same way, i found a guy who i really liked yet i couldnt imagine myself doing anything with him intimately, the like i felt was something closer to the way i feel towards my younger brother
i guess its something that comes with age

I feel ya, I kinda miss my college days, fuk'd alotta guys but now that working in an office sleeping with anyone will have dire consequences

>>122078
You get it…

>>122053
>Anyone else like being a whore?
You're the only one, sorry.

Find a real hobby and get validation from your own progress in it.

>>122053
yeah, go ahead and keep sexualizing yourself, throw away any sense of individuality, just make yourself easier to digest
yes this feeling is felt by all nonas across boards
yes we all do this
yes this is what women have been fighting for

I'd say the issue is mostly in that you're doing it for the sake of men in order to get their validation. If you just like looking good for you, that's mostly alright if not taken to the point of obsessive vanity, but desperately seeking out validation from other people belies a self esteem issue, which you no doubt are cognizant of. Basing yourself worth on beauty, something you just sort of have and don't really develop, as well as something that also has a time limit is not conducive to long term mental health and stability. While it's not as simple as >>122055 might make it sound, finding something to do with your life that isn't based on how others view you will probably make you feel better long term. You don't have to be good at it either you can just do it for your own sake.

Unless and until he is the ultimate and ultimate man idk why you would do all that …and for free?! Putting yourself in danger …are you dumb Nona? Check for mold in your apt

>>121751
Dating is for retardpilled worthless eaters and it’s completely irrelevant to my post
Sorry I forgot 99.9% of people are illiterate mongoloids and tried to have a discussion about something

>>121914
lol okay but i will continue to oppress fat ugly men like picrel by rejecting and ignoring them for the rest of my life and so will most women. i love fatshaming men

>>121915
Your individual actions aren’t relevant to the discussion of collective societal actions you self obsessed fool

>>121923
I mean use your brain for 1 second. If society doesn't agree on an ideal body type for men, why are male models required to be skinny or fit? Why are characters meant to portray attractive men in shows and movies often slim, fit and tall? If you look at any female centric media youll see that the moids there are conventionally attractive, not fat pigs. You can look up various studies that shows women's prefefence for lean muscular men but perhaps you'd nitpick those studies as well.

>>121744
I see more fat women with regular size men than vice versa. I almost always see fat guys with fat women.