/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>112493
im not the poster but heres my story, i lost my job i had for a long time (i was proud of my job) and my roommates were absolutely horrible like worst of the worst, i then had to move back with relatives, my gf broke up with me and i really didnt want to do anything at all i was super duper depressed ontop of normal super duper depression, i thought the same thing at one point then it happened to me.

it sounds kinda gay im not trying to vent im trying to explain the situation that created the fatalistic seditary mindset.

as for the poster, your friends and family love you, relationships are a 2 way street, make sure they know you want space and dont keep them on the back burner, even if its cringe you have to explain it maybe they have some insight.

you are the prisoner and the jailor, as for loneliness i will branch out of topic and say that personally ive found the best way to deal with it is to accept the reality that lots of people die alone, in the cemetary there are "single" plots places where people die and they do not have a significant other, it is not sad it is not unhealthy, it is reality, you will probably die alone, will you be with someone for a while? maybe; what you can do is look, that might change things for a while, and while your looking might as well try and not be shitty, boring, or horrid as a person not for someone else but yourself because youre the one thats going into the ground eventually, and youre going to have to live with yourself up until that point.


let the dead bury the dead

You never get over the lost of a loved one. You just learn to live with it.

>>112510
That's not true. Time makes memories fuzzy, softens emotions until eventually you're fine again.

I'm in the same position after losing my husband and unborn children. Really really really hope I die very soon. I have no advice, it's fucking awful.

>>112468
>No matter how sad or angry you are, it's not going to bring this person back.
>This person would want you to be happy and move on, not let the sadness destroy your life. Move on for them, no reason to feel guilty about it either since it's what they would want.
>Everyone dies eventually, so you have to learn to be strong and live on your own, both for your own sake and to support others. You can become what that person was to you, for someone else.
Some things I tell myself. Most of the people who supported me growing up are gone now, so I don't have much of a choice. It's either kms or learn to be strong on my own, and I chose not to kms no matter what because it's not what they would have wanted.

>>112538
nona… youre a beard…

>>112538
all i ever get is video and porn addicts.
how the hell do you find someone like this if you use imageboards?
either larp or CC tourist

>>112538
>he's tall AND he's rich AND he's handsome AND he's a genius AND he's got a huge dick AND he's literally a prince AND he's a great cook AND his family loves me AND I'm the only woman he's ever loved before!

Bait used to be believable.

>>110202
LEAVE HIM!!!!

>>112561
Sometimes people just get lucky. But this is surely a LARP.

>>112001
ntayrt

> he'll probably portray you as another stupid whore to his friends and new gf when you break up

OP, this is true. My husband never trashtalked any of his exes. If he calls them names, he'll call you names.

No. My Nigel's ex seems sweet and normal despite being born in quite unfavorable circumstances. I have nothing against her and probably never will.

>>112070
That being said, I had a big issue with my previous ex's ex because they were emotionally involved with each other the entire duration of our relationship. I was being retarded and should have just left him tbh.

Jealous over exes? Just wait until your Nigel cheats on you…

>>112601
Lel

>>112474
depression

>>112470
>>112545
Idk doesn't sound like you went out in a way that burned bridges. So it's probably fine. Just say you had to leave to work out some personal issues or something if you don't want to go into detail. Your reason is pretty valid. I can see how it's uncomfortable though.

>>112470
You can take the L safely and trust that it's when you're employed when other offers start coming so it makes sense to go back for a bit

I want to find a friend. But each time the communication is one-sided: the girl is passive. What am I doing wrong? I am kind and try to help, I give gifts. There are common interests. How do I come to terms with the fact that I won't find a friend with a Vibe similar to me in order to understand each other perfectly?

>>68875
talking to someone is devaluing?

what are you trying to hide OP?

>>112571
He’s a nice boy and stuff like that but I need a little space…. Like no one needs to know anyone that well. I like to have pieces of myself just for me. That’s why I post on anonymous boards. The only social Esq media he can’t stalk is my Reddit and who tf wants to exclusively use Reddit
>>112572
Uhhh nothing… I like to have personal space both in person and online. My social media is my outlet. I don’t want someone to stalk what I like on tumblr. I think that’s pretty fair. It’s like intruding on my personal identity and not letting me have my own space

>>112574
did you try actually talking to him about it?

>>112576
Ehh I don’t wanna hurt his feelings and it seems like somthing I shouldn’t be upset about

>>112578
This is how you poison a relationship. If it's upsetting you then it's worth bringing up, you shouldn't compromise and settle with behaviours you're not comfortable with. If you don't do anything about this you don't deserve our sympathy. He either needs to get better or to need to let him go, I'm sick and tired of seeing countless nonas on CC tolerate toxic moid behavior and then complaining abour it. You are denying yourself agency and letting the moid emotionally dictate this relationship.

>>112323
Thanks for this nona I’ll try do something similar to organise myself but I think my lifestyle is more arbitrary and I tend to have an aversion to strict schedules, maybe this is what I need tho. And yeah I did mean 10-12 hours a day, I feel likethat it’s what I need to do or at least aim to do in order to catch up, I don’t think there is any other solution at the point I’m at.

Also, can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?

>>112326
Aw well maybe it helps someone else in this thread!

>can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?
I think they recommend you to actively walk away from the screen to do something else for a bit, but I find 5 minutes to be too short for that. So I usually read a book, play with my cats for a bit or write in my journal. Sometimes I browse but I try not to do that.

>>112087
>I am not even studying like I should be
Why are you in university if you don't care about your field?
>I do care about my field
Ok then your university degree is denying you an education, not uncommon. Where is the gun to your head telling you you're not allowed to read outside of course material
>I have too many assessments
So you spend your whole time outside of class working on assessment?
>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead. If you spent that time reading outside course material you could be good enough to fool your current self into thinking you're smart (NB: this is a trap, you only ever get dumber by reading, but in a good way)
>But I don't do that
Why not? It's engaging to learn about things that interest you, pick up a book
>I have
Was it published in the last 20 years? If yes, put it down. Go to your university library instead and read the old books that have a bunch of stamps from when they used to be read all the time - universities used to be quality institutions so it's pretty likely that the popular book in 1970 was popular by merit.
>I can't find the energy to do that
You can either be the cool grandma or the infuriating grandma, but you have to make that choice now, and by now I mean within the next 5 years. You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

>>112353
i'm not in uni yet, i have my final exam soon which decides if i get into uni or not and thats what is stressing me out right now. im not passionate about what i have applied to study for but it at least interests me and has good job prospects for the future, i do have my worries about the prestige of the institution i will attend and how that will matter/affect me.

>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead.

can you elaborate? i know that no one is genuinely better than anyone else but these people have a lot more to be proud of in their lives and i want to be like that too but it feels hopeless or like im too late.

>You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

you are right nona, and i do appreciate your response it is triggering but very constructive also. i made the op 4 days ago and since then i have been more productive than what my past months lump of existence has been but still not where i want and need to be.

>>112321
Yeah good luck nona. If you can get that much going, you'll at least be able to go about your days without hating everything about your life including your job. I'll take self-dissatisfaction and a feeling of missed potential any day over constant stress, poverty, and no way to escape.

Of course I only really have myself to blame for said dissatisfaction - and so I do. But it's certainly a starting place.

>>112326
You know I always hated schedules too and never did pomodoro but looking back it would probably have been helpful for actually getting things done better. Nothing feels better than the rare days where I finish my obligations so my free time is actually FREE, without being eaten away by constant remorse over things I should have done or even should be doing.
And the idea of just timeblocking some work time, short enough that it's easy to just focus on "getting through it" till the next break without trying to cheat by whiling away the time - that sounds like a fantastic tool to give yourself peace of mind, AND also get things done in the process because you're using that time to ACTUALLY work.
Shit, I should try out doing that nowadays even, it might help me in my job honestly.

Taking a walk and stretching during your break is probably best from a physiological perspective, keep the blood flowing and relax your eyes from staring at the screen. Maybe having something interesting to thinker with (still outside the screen) would be good - a puzzle you want to finish so spend a couple minutes laying out the pieces, some handicraft project you tinker with a bit to make a small bit of progress. Or grab a slice of apple and a glass of water.

Sincerely wish you the best of luck in getting back on track, nona. Sounds like you really need to focus on these next couple of months, maybe even to the detriment of enjoying life (in a way that wouldn't be sustainable long-term), which definitely isn't ideal - but if you pull through then it will be worth it.

There are a lot of things to consider based off of what you said. Do you think you are asexual or was there something in your life that made you hate sex? Does your boyfriend's treatment of you during sex make you feel objectified? Or would you feel that way no matter how the act was approached? I think there is a significant amount of people who feel the same, I've felt the same in certain relationships, but I've never hated sex overall. I'm sorry for your predicament. It is going to be incredibly difficult to avoid sex while dating a man, especially in our culture. I hope things get better for you and your relationship.

If you dont want to have sex with him, break up with him. He will eventually break up with you anyway. Would you stay in a relationship where your moid never talks to you? You can't just remove one if the basic pillars of a romantic relationship and still call it that. You're just friends

Was random browing old posts and this one relates so much I wondered if anyone had advice for me. I've been thinking pretty much my whole life I'm probably asexual or something. For reference I'm in my 30s, been married over a decade living together, and I really don't want to ruin what we have because of this. I don't seem to view sex like most people, it's not like some moral thing, it's partly because I have some abnormally strong sense of disgust as in hating germs. Also I just seem unable to find people physically attractive and lack any urge to fantasize about nudity or sex. I don't even watch porn because of those reasons. So you can get the idea what kind of weirdo I am. I never cared for penetrative sex, I've done it a bunch anyway because that is what's to be expected in a marriage. I used to be able to tolerate it better but over the years it's gone from feeling like nothing to feeling uncomfortable or painful so I started agreeing to have sex much less often. I've tried explaining my reasons but he doesn't understand. I've felt happier with less sex. And things seem fine other than that. Despite not liking sex I've always been romantic, maybe not too differently from most women, I love cuddling and being close and we share physical affection like that everyday. I love who he is as a person and I enjoy our time together having fun with activities that are not sex. But sex is clearly much more important to him than it is to me. It's been over 2 months now since the last time we had sex and he's started asking for it nearly everyday. I feel guilty like I'm not doing something I'm supposed to, when he is always doing nice things for me and spending so much time together. I also believe he's not the type to cheat but I don't want to push it. Question is, do I keep doing stuff I don't want to do to maintain my relationship, or at any point could it become ok to stay selfish and keep refusing? Maybe a better question, is there any way I can learn to want and like sex like a normal person?

I honestly feel like this "matching sex drive" shit is just a psyop.

I went into my first relationship HYPED for sex because I thought it'd be like flicking the bean but intense and romantic. But sex with moids is just so bad that my """sex drive""" plummeted to zero. When we moved apart I got my healthy libido back since I wasn't constantly turned off by his presence and the idea of involving him in anything sexual, which always made me feel insufficient and dirty and used on many levels.

For years, the only reason I fucked him was because I thought it might keep him from cheating.

>>111975
Are you taking antidepressants and birth control? Both of those kill sex drives. I personally believe they are a deliberate means of population control. But regardless, get off those and see how you feel. Because not wanting sex is not normal and you should be able to meet somewhere in the middle if your hormones are at the proper levels. Moids still have a higher sex drive but it's not that great a gap if your hormones are at normal levels.

>>112439
She would not be so ugly if she lost weight.

>>112530
I've been thinking about this woman's phenotype and bone structure for the last 2 days and I have to agree.

>>112529
>so women turn down the majority of them
Those are swipe rates. You have to swipe yes on someone before you even get a chance to talk to them. So women are rejecting 95% of men before the men on looks alone.

>>112533
>looks alone
You can see some of profile before swipe. Also 90% of moids are super degenerate and trashy looking

>>112533
Men who are old/ugly/fat/weird always think they have a chance with attractive young women. So they message these women thinking they have a chance and get shot down.

>>111539
Discord dating servers
Just make sure that any man you date can afford a plane ticket and lodging to your city. Best moids for this are those who autists that live with mummy

>>111543
t. racist moid

I concede one technicality, if he is a social pariah there is less competition. However.. if he is racist because he is terminally online, as opposed to being a genuine southern boy raised different, then it is a red flag, and in the latter case you will want to fix him. So you are incorrect.

>>111572
OP needs bf and that’ll give her bf. I see no problem with the logic of going for someone who’s otherwise undesirable. Should OP date a loser? No. But will they date OP? Yeah probably.

Frankly any partner attained due to desperation isn’t gonna be that great but only experience will teach her that.

>>111579
>But will they date OP?
Doubt it. A terminally online racist is likely an incel and they are in fact very judgmental, they expect women to look like their favorite porno stars and celebrities and get very horny and angry when they approach women above their league and get rejected. They're a mess.

no you DONT need a bf bfs are trash

>>111819
thats terrible im so sorry anona

>>112120
Thank you for your condolences.

>>111957
Eastern Europe?

>>111815
got raped/molested three times on three different occasions with three different people before i was even a teenager, repressed the fuck out of it
i'm all good now though, i have a nice life and surround myself with nice people. very grateful every day

>>112035
unfortunately not that interesting
stuff like lizards and rare breeds of dog.