/feels/ - Advice & Venting

strawman^strawman type thread

>>129689
men will never give up porn. no matter which moid u get they will always want porn so if youre not ok with it you will never have a moid.

Go to therapy?
Porn addiction is an addiction, you can't stop it by wishful thinking and just saying "no stop that".
Think of it like training a dog, if a dog shits on your carpet or steal food from the kitchen you can yell all you want or even be abusive to the dog… but that's not how you make the dog stop, it needs conditioning and training.
Just talk with him, make him admit he has a problem and look for practical ways to end this addiction, maybe through therapy, taking part in some programs, joining some groups and whatever, he'll be extremely embarrassed but accountability can help dealing with this shit by using this embarrassment as a way to stop doing it.

The real question is if you actually love him or not, because dealing with an addict of any kind is an ordeal.

>>130011
porn addiction is not considered a real addiction medically speaking. it's not in any real diagnostic manual because what porn consumption is considered "healthy" is extremely subjective. A behavioral approach is sometimes taken if its really, really severe and the person in question sees it as a problem/is bringing them distress. OP can have whatever boundary they wish to set but a therapist isn't going to treat them for paying for a few OF accounts and having a porn twitter like its a serious problem unless they're a wacko fake christian therapist. sorry. if their boyfriend doesn't see it as a problem, which he almost certainly doesn't, it just won't be treated as one. i know people on here are extremely antiporn, but moral opinions aside, at the end of the day it's just not the same as being a crackhead lbr and won't be treated as such.

regardless i think OP should leave because they're bf is fucking bald and ugly. hello???

He doesn't deserve you. Leave him before you cheat on him or he cheats on you.
Or worse, he asks you to do something he saw in porn

>>129481
true as fuck
>>129429
Yeah ive noticed this too, People are blatantly rude to you when youre an ugly woman. Especially men. They are literally violent as fuck like gorillas. I hate them and im scared of them. Also nona, the guy youre with sounds like a total pos please have a back up plan in case you have to leave him

>>129555
shit sorry I meant to reply to >>129538

I feel like if you are below average and manage to bag a guy, it's still not worth it. He would treat you as a fleshlight at best, not romance to speak of.
Guys would court beautiful women only because they know their worth and are not easy, so that's where eleborate dates, flowers, sweet talks etc come from. As for beautiful women who don't get princess treatment… Girl, love yourself, you deserve better.
Anyway, going back to us uglies. We wouldn't get any courtship or respect because for guys, it's just not worth the effort and reserved only to pretty women, and even then guys will try to be cheap.
Do you want a relationship with a lazy slob who will get you on a single coffee date once and then just crush at your place for drunk sex while never showing you affection? Yes or no? Because that's all you'll get.
I know it because I was desperate enough to try having a relationship and it was the best I was able to get.
If it's okay to you and you have no self-respect, be my guest, go on and date.
But if you are an ugly women without a profound mental illness, please don't try dating, you will be treated worse than your partenered peers, you will compare yourself to other girls who get flowers and gifts, and you will hate yourself even more.

>>129429
what the hell is this and the nonchalant replies

no, because using people is not bad.

Found this about wrong turns and I wanted to share

https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=when-nothing-in-your-life-is-moving-forward-the-spiritual-blockage-many-people-ignore

Love spells
Read about it and found out it was the best option
It worked
https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=why-a-personal-spell-is-different-from-ordinary-rituals

No you're not bad, but be open about your true feelings towards him. Be honest since he is definitely putting so much of himself into this and has been good, he deserves the truth even though it will hurt. Leading him on is only pushing this conversation down the road and going to make it more difficult to separate. If hes still cool with doing all this for you despite your feelings, then thats on him. It will suck because its nice getting treated well, but he seems like a guy with a great heart and deserves to be with someone who is crazy about him. As well as you deservd to be with someone who will make yoh happy.

like salty bags of coins, milk and sand or something

OP are you abstinent by choice or not because you look great and I'm sure lots of guys and even other women would date you

Terrible and wonderful, depending on who you end up dating. Guys are either total moron apes with no sense of class, or absolute gentlemen but those are rare. I broke up wjth my long term gf of a couple years a few months ago and started dating. I got some matches on tinder and went on a couple dates, one of the guys was a complete fuckboy but i wanted to try out guys. He didnt hold doors, asked to pay half of the bill, drove a beat up old car, and was very insistent on going with him to an underground dj set that night. I left early and unmatched him. On the other side, i found an amazing guy that i wasnt too crazy about looks wise but we had so much in common,like playing same games and have similar hobbies, we clicked very quickly. He's polite, likes my jokes and goofy demeanor, holds doors open for me, and takes me out on cute dates all the time. I return the favor by cooking him delicious home made food he can reheat after he comes home from work over the course of the week.

The key is to not just look for attraction, but find a companion that will be your best friend and who you can rely on. Dating shitty guys feels like a waste of time and is unfulfilling, maybe you might get some action but its kinda hollow and tbh I get off better by myself. Try stuff out, get out of your comfort zone, and trust your gut.

Btw im 31 myself

>>130265
it was the best experience of my life, albeit that's because she was the most amazing, wonderful person ever.
but being single is enjoyable too

>>130299
its not actually op its catfish

>>130142
If you don't share interests, there's just nothing to talk about. A guy can pretend to care about your day sure but how long could that conversation last really? I don't know why people don't bring this up more often but if you don't share interests it's likely just not going to work out long term because you'll only be interacting for sex or you'll be forcing some half-assed interest like you mentioned. The big issue is there isn't really a lot of overlap between what most guys are into vs what most women are into and this is only exacerbated by internet algorithms. I really don't know why women go around assuming as long as there's an initial spark it'll all eventually work out in the end. Relationships take a lot of work from both parties and sometimes you're just not made for each other.

People in general and especially men are increasingly immature. The vast majority of people try their best in romantic relationships and often fail themselves despite their best intentions. Good relationships come with serendipity, it takes patience, persistence, and an openness to be surprised.

>>130142
this checks out all the boxes for a man that wants a gf just to take, never to give. so many men dont even like women or are interested in them in any other way than that they want someone to be nice to them, ask them about stuff and all of that. if they dont even want to know who you are and whats going on with you, they dont really love you, they just want a relationship with pretty much just someone to feel less lonely.

>>130213
>Validation from men?

Kinda, yeah. And I don't like how it resolved the issue /for me/ either. It's not what I recommend to everyone else - it's how it naturally happened for me.

Actually seeing how no-one gave a shit about the things I mentioned, especially the man I chose to be intimate with, just changed my view on how my body looks. It's like at that moment I understood that as long as I workout, eat healthily (most of the time) and try to look after myself then the rest is ok.

Plus I've explored my spirituality a lot more which has shifted my mindset, not to sound negative at all, but to me this body is a temporary vehicle to explore the world before I return home, a vehicle that was gifted to me so I should treat it with care - I don't identify so heavily with it's 'flaws' anymore.

Psilocybin (magic mushrooms)
LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide)
DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine) and Ayahuasca
Ketamine (dissociative anesthetic)
Salvinorin A (found in Salvia divinorum)
Ibogaine and Mescaline

>>130213
Have you never had a man validate you?

Why should your value be tied to your looks or approval from others?

>>130249
It doesn't have to be but some people will treat you like shit for refusing to play the game. You can make the personal decision to just not care what others think but it can be an alienating stance for people who aren't strong enough to deal with what comes after.

I keep thinking about how actions speak louder than words. If I am willing to sacrifice more and more every time I learn, it would mean that I probably do believe. That's how I'll tell.

>>130208
There are old paintings and other works of art depicting Jesus surrounded by the sun. It's said the sun is emblematic of his love. Always giving everything with nothing requested in return; in other words pure unconditional love. In that sense every non sentient object around us is love and when we die we will return to that pure state of love. There are schools of thought who say we can access this state of pure love even while still living through awakening to our true selves. I find these world views fascinating and they seem to connect lots of old world spirituality together

>>130210
>love
Well, that could tie back to this thread's topic too. I don't think seeing another one's suffering is necessarily sadistic. I think it could nurture empathy and love, too.

That's a pretty interesting paragraph you got here. I like it.

>>130211
It is said to awaken to your true self is to realize you are not your thoughts or emotions. You exist independently from them in a state of pure awareness. You are the space between thoughts. You are the silent observer. This connection to consciousness is present in all of us and connects us as one.

Actually, to be honest, I remember now that I do actually want to leave some kind words for the guys who say they never get any support or anything. It is what I would want for myself, and I was in that position where I needed to be seen. That's why sometimes I want to reach out, and say "I was there, I saw you".

One time I did just that. I supported some random guy online just by a few encouraging words. (just because he was eccentric and I enjoy people like this) He basically spent the next few days obsessing over that one "empathic" event. I actually spoke to him later a lot and he told me nobody hardly ever initiated conversations like me. Which is surprising because he seemed so much more socially active????

There was also another guy I talked to like twice a year and he seemed to be thankful for that. I think talking about our worries helped us steer away from the boiling point.

Ultimately though this kind of support makes your relationship feel way too intimate. Which is just inviting temptation and it is no good. I'd rather stick to CC and support other women on /feels/ I guess.

It's sad, I wish I could spread this feeling of familiarity, recognition… something like it. I think social interaction is pointless without it.

You have to persist and heal…. you're in the unfortunate circumstance of a catch 22. If you come out with your story he'll probably use whatever resources are at his disposal to dismiss and call you crazy, but you'll have a chance to give him a criminal record and maybe even put him on the sex offender registry. If you dont come out he'll continue to live his life but you will suffer in multitude of ways-your opportunities seem to already been shot due to this asshole. Unfortunately the entertainment industry is fillled with Moids who abuse those they deem lower then them. I know, I used to rub elbows with a prominent musician in the local music scene in nyc before he sexually coerced me into having sex with him.

I dont think my way of going about healing will help you. It might get you in more hot water actually…. but theres a saying that "haters make you famous." If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report. But thats going to require you to be able to stand your ground and refuse to become "blacklisted" cause some rich kid asshole wants to paint you as the villain. If you dont come out, you're going to live a life that you initially didnt choose for yourself because you were afraid of what might happen if you did. I believe you. I honestly do. But you gotta be prepared of people with internalized misogyny dismissing your trauma because of bulllshit.

Whatever you choose to do is entirely up to you. I didnt go to the police with my assault. But i did end up harrassing my assaulter in subtle ways cause i was a teenager and very, very stupid but persistent. However, I'm in therapy now and im continuously facing my trauma head on doing so. And! The man who coerced me is no longer in the music scene (as of right now. And it better stay like that ^_^)

I highly recommend therapy. I'll link some different types of therapy in the reply to this so youll have a more informed opinion when you choose to seek it.

>>128076
>I really thought he was going to be able to work on and uplift my work before he left.
loool

>>128077
Thank you, this is a really kind response and unfortunately most people don't understand you'll just be rubbing shoulders with so many abusive people in this industry it can all just blur together. People can laugh all they want, but the reality of working in theater is working with abusers 24/7 and learning to adapt in that environment as a woman. It's nice to see someone else in the city who really gets it.

>If you're willingly to be annoying and persistent on knocking this guy down a couple of pegs, then you should file title IX and file a police report
Fortunately, I have the texts of him admitting to it and us talking about me being referred to SA survivors group therapy. This isn't my first time going through something abusive, so I know what's required to get an investigation started, at least. I do have enough.

I'm conflicted, as I'm not really looking for revenge, more so to get those opportunities back and be part of my school environment. I spent so much time defending him and being a clear emotional wreck, people have really distanced themselves from me. Some people know due to a third party being really nosy about the abuse too and making it all about them for some weird reason. I'm worried I lost my casting eligibility going forward in school shows, too, not that my academics reflect that treatment. It's just academic sexism. I also worry part of me would always feel guilty for ruining his life, which is a crazy thing to say about someone who put their hand down my shorts after asking them not to, while I froze, blaming it on his ADHD and then not medicating. He's apologized ceaselessly, he'll say things like "nobody has anything to apologize for but me," "I understand if you hate me," or "I'll hate myself for this forever," but the only person hurting in any material way is me. I really wanted us to just break up like normal people, but this has so fucked up my life…

>I highly recommend therapy
I started going over the Summer after this happened. My provider is great, but I'm open to other options because I'm not feeling like it's enough and don't love IFS therapy rn, so thanks for your link. <3

>>128077
OP here. I did it. I did it all. The title ix, the play on my own. I think about your reply all of the time so I just wanted you to know. Thank you for your advice as it was instrumental to my decision making process. You were 100% right, and thankfully I do have enough evidence and witnesses I will probably win.

I somehow have multiple +180cm friends and family members old and young, they all complain about it and have horrible posture because they're afraid of standing up straight(bent knees, hunched back). They say they're attracting too much attention and younger ones say they get made fun of. They should be glad they're statuesque and you should be glad you're cute.

>>129794
>you should be glad you're cute.
doesnt really match my personality and the traits that i wanna present. wish there was a way to trade

>>129785
> Muscular looks weird, fat looks weird
hard disagree, unless we're talking obese or too muscular/too low fat percentage, n that case it looks off-putting no matter the height

there are some benefits if you ignore looks. short people have lower centers of gravity and are far more aerodynamic. gives you an insane advantage when biking.
beyond that, i haven't noticed any perks to being short, just many small humiliations.

>>130229
If you're smaller you need less food too I guess