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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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(vent) shallow relationships, narcissistic traits and avoidance as a result of emotional neglect Anonymous 129507[Reply]

im writing this because i wonder if anybody relates. soooo ive beeen thinking a lot, for months actually. i am a bad person i think, to some extent. i always knew i have issues with attachment and intimacy and getting close to people, just never knew how to fix myself.

one comment that my friend made about me has been haunting me for months, calling me out for my "shallow" relationships with friends and partners. first of all my narcissistic traits kinda wanna tell her to piss off like who are u to claim my relationships are shallow or not, but at the same time why is that lowkey true LMAOAOAOA. cause ive never thought about it that way.

ive always felt lonely with people. i know i tried my best to keep deeper connections but they all slowly and silently fall apart that i didnt even notice it happening until she called me out. i dont wanna sound like a cringe doomer but truly i was never deeply understood. no matter how much i tried to explain myself to people they never got it, and the more i explained the worse it got. i thought explaining would bring me closeness and emotional intimacy but it did the exact opposite. i hated how people could always approach me and feel safe and judge-free when venting to me cause i tried my best to be as understanding as possible, but when it came to me it was never like that. nobody EVER was understanding enough, almost every time i opened up i was judged and misunderstood. after all of that, it is not crazy at all to turn to myself and shut people off. only person i could count on was me. nobody ever consoled me, nobody ever truly listened. all i had was myself. and it seems impossible not to turn a little narcissistic and hyper independent after all of this. if nobody is there for you but youself, how can u ever truly trust someone and rely on them. im never off guard. im always hypervigilant, i can never let go and feel free to express my emotions and thoughts and feelings to anyone. cause if i let it slip im completely at their mercy and after everything how can i expect a positive or a neutral reaction. i automatically expect the worst and just decide to keep it all inside cause its safer than to risk being judged and let down again. i just feel like the more people get to know me the more they hate me. if i can name one person in my life who truly gets me judgement free its my long distance online best friend, but irl nobody is as tolerant and nonjudgemental as them. they dont assume the worst iPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 129508

Narcissistic is not a bad word. There is primary narcissism and pathological narcissism. Everyone SHOULD be narcissistic in a healthy way. Having no primary narcissism (boundaries basically) is a disaster.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_narcissism#Primary_narcissism

I can relate to what you've written. I think you could just be autistic, not narcisssitic.

Anonymous 129580

>>129507
Idk OP, not wanting to talk to people about your innermost feelings isn't narcissism. Narcissism is the grandiose sense of self. Seems like your "friend" might just be kind of a moron and using the wrong word. Sounds like you might be kind of avoidant though, maybe traumatized or autistic though if you really struggle socially. But if your buddy really thinks you being kind of avoidant is "narc abuse" or whatever I think maybe you're better off avoiding them, seems like they've got some weird ass projection going on abt something. That's a really volatile word to use for a friend who doesn't want to talk about their feelings and is distant.


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i have a phobia of female role in sex which makes me dysphoric as fuck and sex repulsed Anonymous 126444[Reply]

anyone else??? i just find the role submissive and humuliating, i dont wanna post it on nsfw board bc i dont wanna see anons talk about wanting to do humiliating sex acts i have a phobia of
35 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 129521

Tie him to the bed and blindfold him.
Now you can do what you want without any pressure. No female role, only your own desires at your own speed. You don't even need penetration.


>>129203
>And surely a guy who goes down on you is acknowledging your dominance and practically worshipping you
Make him deserve you. He show some devotion or he won't feel you.

Anonymous 129524

>>129522
You don't need to be raped to do that, and you won't be getting money unless you extort him out of court.

Anonymous 129539

>>126444
OP, if you are still here I think I can understand.

What you should do is to speak to your BF because you will get over it together or not at all.
Make him understand your problem and try to solve it, if for no other reason because otherwise he will stay dry.

The solution I propose is to have him be the receiving end. There is no need for penetration, play with him and tell him what to do.

If that is not reasuring enough, have him sexualized while you are not. Make him be naked for a full weekend, make him tell you how he value you as a person while you call him a walking dildo. This sort of thing will reasure you that you are not his lesser and that sex is neither humiliating nor submisive.

Anonymous 129547

>>129539
You don't know blackpill-chan? She absolutely does not have a boyfriend kek.

Anonymous 129563

just become ftm at this point


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Anonymous 129404[Reply]

hey so do I just stop texting this guy or

we just met 3 days ago, told him I have a boyfriend (because it came up in conversation) and we chatted a lot cause we have things in common.

I usually never interact with men on purpose but since I have a bf now and this guy looked alternative like me I thought i could make a friend

bleh
just don’t know how to approach this

Anonymous 129405

>>129404
why are you worried about hurting the feelings of some moid who’s acting like a whiny entitled retard. just stop messaging him and befriend a girl. men aren’t your friends

Anonymous 129513

>>129404
>Moid friends
Are you that naive? Maybe its an ego boost talking to a guy thats desperate to have sex with you but thats as far as the friendship will ever go.

Anonymous 129528

This guy is whiny and entitled, nothing positive will come from talking with him. Ignore and dont reply

Anonymous 129559

How did it go, OP?
I'm late but if I recieved that text and did still want to be friends, I'd say something like "there's nothing wrong with a chilled out friendship, don't assume anything less than total intensity means the other person secretly wants to ghost you. if i didn't want to [go to the thing]" I would have just cancelled it directly."
and if I did not want to be friends I would say
"lmao, if that's how you respond when I don't talk to you for a few hours then now I don't want to."


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Anonymous 129533[Reply]

Im so sad I'll never have a someone like Napoleon. Sometimes I read his letters and pretend they're directed to me and it's the only thing that motivates currently. I feel like crying since I'll never have a boyfie like this thats this in love with me obsessively. Why am I always falling in love with fictional/unatainable people? Sorry I know this is cringe as fuck but I just need to vent about this sigh. Im so in love with him

Anonymous 129534

I also always wanted an obsessive bf but after self-reflection i realizedit's because of insecurity and a need for constant ego boosts. Growiing up with not enough attention and care from my parents makes me feel like if someone isn't unhealthily obsessive with me/not love bombing me means it's not love

Anonymous 129535

>>129533
Napoleon usually wrote his letters while doing two or even three things at the same time. might have been geopolitic or diplomacy, or managing a network of spies. I wonder what else he did when writing this one.


>>129534
You do not want somebody who if fighting Austria half of the time as a BF.

Anonymous 129551

pli_DY.gif

>>129534
ye I think I have this issue too. It definitely comes from insecurity and trust issues. but I still want tbh, I want a bf that will love bomb me permentantly and forever since my parents didn't care about me that much as a child
>>129535
thank you for this fun fact. every time I read about hem I fall more and more in love heehe dkdjdjh. He is my favorite husbando at this moment im thinking of buying a body pillow of him to hump lul


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Jealous of other women Anonymous 129306[Reply]

I’m jealous of other women.
All of them. It feels like every woman in the world has something I don’t. Something I’m missing on a fundamental level. Not just looks. Not just personality. Something deeper. Like they were given a manual on how to exist as a woman and I wasn’t. I don’t measure up. Not in my appearance. Not in how I act. Not in how I talk. I feel like I missed whatever makes someone naturally normal. I feel like a failed version of what I’m supposed to be. Like some kind of glitch. Being around other women makes it worse. I don’t feel like I belong. I feel awkward and wrong, like they can sense that I’m different. I compare myself to every little thing, their confidence, their ease, their femininity, and I always come up short. What makes it worse is that I actually want connection with women. I want female friendships. I want that closeness. But I feel like my jealousy and insecurity just poison it before it can even start. I’m scared I’ll ruin it or that they’ll see through me and confirm what I already believe. That I’m not enough. The only people I really talk to are men, and I’m exhausted by it. Men only end up hurting me. But somehow I feel more comfortable there than with women, even though it’s not healthy for me. I’m just tired of feeling like a failure as a woman. Tired of feeling behind. Tired of feeling like everyone else got something I didn’t.

Anonymous 129313

Femininity is lame, so you're doing something right.
Anyway, connection and closeness is not something so mystical and wonderful. I think if you got what you wanted you'd realise it's just "okay" and you'd be just as fine on your own.

Anonymous 129335

i love you, internet stranger

Anonymous 129356

im really wishing the best for you anon, i have been struggling with deep insecurities for years. all i can say is you have to try getting on the path to healing, it will take time but it will be worth it in the long run. please take care hugs

Anonymous 129541

i struggled with this exact thing nona, and while it can come from a wide variety of places, what is important is understanding that there isn't necessarily one right way to be a woman. for a woman who isn't traditionally feminine like myself, it can feel like there's no place for you. this isn't true. the world is big and you are you, and that is exciting! there's a place for every kind of woman, and being patient with yourself while finding female friends will help open your eyes to this. it will get easier, i promise. take care


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Would you ever hire an Etsy Witch? Anonymous 129364[Reply]

Honestly, their code of ethics is rancid, but I truly wonder if the Etsy witches when in communion, can manipulate the fabric of our reality and make quite the pretty dress for me to wear to cure me from my mind and bad luck with love.

Anonymous 129371

my witch fren made an altar for me this full moon. not sure if it worked (or is working) or not but it's nice.

Anonymous 129387

nona you should hire me

Anonymous 129530

No, we have witches at home

Anonymous 129536

No. Magic isn't real.


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NEETs what do you do all day? Anonymous 125667[Reply]

NEETS = Not in education employment or training. I’m over 25, any over over 25 NEETs? What do you actually do all day?

I’m awake now, took two puffs of my vape. TikTok scrolled, Reddit scrolled and played a game on my phone and I’m immensely bored. Ideas are welcome , any of active forums I should know about? Any & all welcome

There’s a lot of times where I just bed rot and do nothing due to the depression but I think this isn’t one of those days. But I am lonely as I have no one and bored and I don’t feel like gaming tbh.
28 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 128736

hedgehog x ray.png

I'm a wagie but it's all wfh since 2020 so it feels like being a bedrotting neet anyway, but also I have to do boring stuff all day. It's terrible

Anonymous 128738

>>128736
Is this little guy dead? I hope so.

Anonymous 128740

hedgehog anesthesi…

>>128738
No he's getting an x-ray under anesthesia. Also rude

Anonymous 129531

Im a neet for like 10months now because i had one too many mental breakdowns working with my dad. I mostly try to help around the house and take care of myself. I cook, clean, talk with friends on discord game, make art, read, but ive been going out on walks to get some exercise and fresh air. I gotta get my resume updated and start applying but im afraid to.

Anonymous 129532

fuck around on the pc, browse my phone, smoke pot, harass my cats. I do occasionally go out for walks at the park and I definitely plan on being more active in the summer


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i hate dating so much Anonymous 129407[Reply]

i hate these freaking guys who follow only fans twitch streamers or whatever it makes me sick when im talking to a guy and i find out he follows them. Or when a man tells me he has like 15 bodies it just feels like so is that what I am to you? am i another one? what did the other 5 girlfriends do so wrong by you? I know its 90% cause of just my own insecurity but I literally cant stop it. I decided to try and be normal and date but i have never hated myself more. i want to retreat into my body and never face anyone again. I'm so sick of being the pursuer too like just once it would be nice to be pursued. never date nerd guys they all fucking suck. all guys fucking suck. It doesnt help that im not pretty and i have to consciously make the effort to cope and push it to the back of my mind. when im talking to or dating a guy the thought of him looking at another girl makes me physcially sick. I literally feel insane. I feel like im one of those crazy obsssessive ppl. which to be honest i lowkey am. I had a better time single and just watching edits on instagram. its crazy cause ive always been the avoidant type
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 129411

>>129407
>I decided to try and be normal
I think you did the opposite. You tried conforming to the abnormality in this world. Couldn't handle the loneliness, got swayed by temptations.

Anonymous 129412

>the thought of him looking at another girl makes me physcially sick
same.

I use OF and streamers as a litmus test for men, because it's very telling about their online behaviour and relationship to women. Having multiple favourite streamers he religiously watches full streams of is obviously massively unhealthy, and if it's softcore porn or political slop reaction content, then all the worse. Paying any kind of subscription to a woman media personality is instantly a red flag and can't really be excused in the vast majority of circumstances. It's just admitting he sees sex as a transaction: he pays her money which gives him explicit approval, consent if you will, to use her for his pleasure, and allows him to make a claim to some small part of her body and life. There's a reason he's not just jerking off to free internet porn.

>I decided to try and be normal
You can still date while being weird, but it sounds like you're overcompensating by trying to date "normal" men, who are in fact degenerates that trawl dating apps and will take a shot at any woman, or vaguely woman-shaped thing, that lets them get close enough.

Anonymous 129413

>>129407
there’s absolutely no reason your boyfriend needs to be following girls who stream on twitch for any reason. like ever… loser behavior. most women who stream on twitch are goon farming for simps. & i don’t really blame them cause men are pathetic enough to actually engage in this kinda stuff.. but yeah don’t ever let him try to convince you he’s not just following/engaging with these girls cause he finds them hot. cause that’s exactly what he’s doing.

Anonymous 129439

You're not crazy for not wanting your boyfriend to have a digital harem
They will claim it's just goonslop to have a quick release but in reality they can't even stay hard during real sex because they trained to find a screen with tits in it more arousing than a real woman in front of them
I found that after porn became a global phenomena male sexuality became less distinctive and grounded as hetero/gay/bi, and more about dopamine chasing from increasingly taboo content or increasing amount of porn they expose themselves to.
After knowing that you might have a dissonance why some man who watches juggling black midget clown orgy porn still decides to date a straight woman. It's because they need an emotional pacifier and there's no better emotional pacifier than a straight woman.
Once you realize men are just slaves to quick hits of dopamine and use relationships for status and emotional labor from your part it all clicks and makes it so simple. it's really not because you're not goon material or your tits aren't big enough, it's just that your role in their life is mommying them and pacifying them and making them feel like they're not horrible people.
It doesn't make dating any less depressing though. We all still want to care and be cared for, while all men can offer is trauma

Anonymous 129529

I hate dating too, i tried to find a guy through dating apps but theyre all terrible. Theyre either hot assholes that just wanna bang and forget about you, or some losers that have no confidence and are scared to flirt back. I had a guy i thought was decent and had everything going for him, except he wasn't very attractive to me. Not ugly but i just couldnt get myself to be into him. Maybe i really am only into girls


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I hate how invasive troons are. Anonymous 129459[Reply]

A few days ago I was contacted by a troon asking to be friends, I thought it was okay since I don't have any female friends.
I talked to him for a while until he asked me to do VC, his voice was that of an effeminate man.
The worst part is that I can't even stop talking to him or ghosting him because he could expose me as "transphobic".
I feel stupid for not noticing it sooner; it was so obvious. He was acting very "feminine" in a forced and performative.
If I don't answer he starts spamming me, also he asked me if he could do "yuri" with my character and his (I'm an artist btw).
I have to live with this torture if I want to live, I hate modern society.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 129465

they truly have the ugliest faggiest voices. i hate how hard they try.

Anonymous 129471

imma say this is fake
youd not talk to him if you didnt want to

Anonymous 129478

>>129465
fr tranny cadence is always detectable

Anonymous 129489

Just stop talking, if they or others whine then you can tell them you're not comfortable with the things theyre saying and leave it at that. Don't let others run your life for you, spend time with people that add to your life and want to be around

Anonymous 129519

>>129459
Just admit that you don't want anything to do with them and who are if they use a word against you?
They want to gain power over you, you don't have to respect them.


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Anonymous 129514[Reply]

nowadays it's so hard for me to connect with people irl, being autistic and lacking social skills plays a huge role in this, but i feel like many people my age have become so shallow and infected with "tiktok brain rot" which is why i feel so desinterested in the people around me in the first place. im not sure if im just paranoid but seeing how people interact with eachother hurts my brain because i cannot stop noticing those typical mannerisms, such as hand gestures and specific slang that obviously stems from tiktok. it is making me feel so sick. everything they do comes off so performative and it scares me to be surrounded by people that are a creation of their fricking tiktok algorithm. it seems like there is no point in trying to befriend anyone if all of them are just a product of a bot that was programmed by multimillionaires to turn them into insufferable people and bring them more profit. i cant cope with this.

Anonymous 129517

123020482.jpg

Majority in populations have been automatons since times beyond record, but now thanks to corporations you can easily recognize them right away. How convenient!


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