/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>113257
I feel the exact same way as OP. Sure you can claim that it might not be completely hopeless, but that's just not what I'm experiencing. So where should people like us even begin to search for these 'lifetime people' that somehow we missed finding the first time? What are the steps? I swear it's not for a lack of trying. I have tried so many times to get involved with all kinds of groups and individuals both online and off. While it's not so difficult to find an acquaintance who will act friendly once or twice, they couldn't care less about actually getting to know me as a person, and regardless of if they show any actual interest they just end up ghosting me everytime. I just want people I can feel comfortable around. Who skip the small talk nonsense and can enjoy an honest discussion of interests and opinions with. Someone who you can randomly message eachother anytime and discuss your personal lives and thoughts and they are willing to listen. Why is it so impossible to find this situation? It just seems to me like after you're an adult, people stop trying to get to know or care about others. It's as if true friendship is a childhood thing reserved for the lucky few, and I've started to consider that it may possibly be just a fictional concept in general.

>>113228
> By late 20s/early 30s, it’s done.
ded post but i don't really think that's true.
> There are little support forums where someone will essentially roleplay as one of your lifetime people, but that’s like eating wax fruit. There’s no fixing it. There’s nothing and no one.
reminds me of those services where you hire someone to be your family/bf/friend. it's a bit strange.

i do think the interactions had on the internet tend to serve a different purpose than those irl. if i have a conversation on the internet, im talking about random specific things no one else cares about irl. if im really friends with someone, i can talk to them about anything.

>>113228
Only way to keep or make someone a lifetime person if the constantly remind them you exist at all. I have just accepted having to initiate everything though.

>>113253
Seconded. Many parts of the Internet (and presumably here, too, to an extent) are just littered with young people. None of us exactly know what we are doing, and have maybe two decades of experience, a lot of which was spent figuring out what the fuck life is.

This might sound self centered, but nothing makes me realize my lack of social support quite like reading elderly relatives obituaries, and comments from those who miss them, who share memories about them. Like theyve known each other decades, and they have accomplishments and events they hung out at. I never got to hang out with any relatives except for a handful of times as a child. It made me very happy when we did. But even then, I could feel their disdain for myself and my parents. A relative called my siblings and I mutts as a "joke" just for being of different European heritage backgrounds, Ig just to show that I will never truly be considered family by my literal relatives.

I cant help but compare these elderly peoples fulfilled lives, to my pathetic self who is friendless with no idea what career I want to do, dread for the future as it is increasingly more expensive and dangerous for women, and Im the black sheep child in my only immediate family so…Except for my now deceased pets, Im nobodies "number 1" person. For example, mom was worried that if my 40 year old brother, her fave child, went with dad on a work trip, dad would abandon him there. Then she turned to me and said, "cant you go instead?". Another time, mom said its a burden to bring me to a medical appointment, and other stuff that she would NEVER say or do to her son the golden child. Constant reminders that if I die, the only people I have in my life will be fine, hurts.

I keep hearing that women are going 4B and such, but it doesnt feel like it. Im just about the only classmate out of my graduating year that has done so, all others have husbands, families, their own houses, and careers…I have none of that.

I used to look forward to each year thinking Ill change my life around for the better, this will be my year, but no matter what I do it never happens. So ironically OP, youre not alone, not everyone has lifetime people, or at least lifetime people who truly value you. Thank you for bringing attention to us non social butterfly women. We need representation and love too.

>>109569
Men never have the intention to get in a relationship they just end up in them if gives them more sex than the contrary.

>How is your life right now
Meh. I have no close friends and the situation with my boyfriend isn't great, even fun things remind me of how alone I am because everyone my age is in a friend group. I don't like being around people much but I really miss having a trustworthy friend. The one I have is always gossiping about everyone so I don't tell her anything personal. I have to find a new job and I'm really holding out hope I might meet someone. I've been looking into working as a farmhand, I'd likely need a tractor license though. But I would like to move away from everyone, I lived in the same town my whole life and the only people I ever see around are old bullies. For some reason the familiarity makes me feel even more isolated.
>Do you go outside?
Yes. I love taking long walks in the forest, when it's dark I'll walk in the street. Also my job forces me to get out of bed but luckily I don't have to talk to people much.
>Any friends or company?
I have one friend I don't really trust, I like her but I don't trust her. My boyfriend makes me feel lonely and used so I've been ignoring him, I want to break up but I don't want to be alone. And that whole "dump him and you'll flourish" is fucking bullshit, I had to cut off my best friend because she was stealing shit from me and faking diseases and haven't made a friend since. I can't afford to lose anyone at this point.
>What do you do to cope with it
Daydreaming, imageboards, smoke weed, cook, watch cartoons and listen to music. Also plan hypothetical trips. I love learning about other countries and the history of them, especially former soviet countries.
>Share a highlight from your life
I've picked up writing again, even if it might be wattpad tier I love my characters. I haven't shared any of it yet but I might, the storylines might be nonsensical but they're my characters. I love coming up with dialogue, weird situations, visualizing everything, I love it.

>How is your life right now
Not good to be honest. Everyone is graduating but me. Decided to be a lazy fuck and got back into college at 21, I feel like my professional life is over.
>Do you go outside?
Ever since I moved to this city I haven't stepped outside for anything other than college.
>Any friends or company?
None at all! BF left.
>What do you do to cope with it
Listen to Boa and cut.
>Share a highlight from your life
Hahaha

>>114093
>no one cares about how you look or if you're weird, they're too busy thinking about themselves!
As a woman that grew up with parents who loved to gossip about others, that is not true at all

>>114096
This is an old post, but how are you doing, nona?

I NEVER FKN WIN
AND I DONT CARE IF I LOSE

Ok go ask him to kiss it better or whatever damn

lolllllllllllllllllll??????????????????

have you tried winning instead

You have low self-esteem nona, talk to a professional

>>119260
Maybe you're just a really boring person

Omg are you literally me? You should add me on discord pls. I'm avsn33d

Weird, I've been feeling the same way recently. It makes it hard to care about anything going on in life.

im actually here rn cus i feel this way. from everything ive been watching/reading on this topic the solution is to detach from being the initiator and to naturally attract the people who are right for you by treating yourself so well that your confidence becomes attractive etc. like by not caring whether people want to be around you because youre so full of yourself they will start wanting to be around you, which i guess if you think about it is what other people are doing when youre interacting with them and theyre just focused on themselves.

you are hanging around the wrong people

Going through the loss of 2 pets, and am about to have my grief wounds reopened in my own living space. Repeatedly, and at random.

A moid relative got his dog a pet toy that looks just like my pets tails, to the point that even his boymom noticed the pet toy looks just like my beloved pets tails.

Imagine walking anywhere outside your room, and randomly seeing what you think is your deceased pets tail, only to realize a second later that no, its just a pet toy and your beloved babies are dead. Every. Day. Yes, both relatives know it upsets me.

I couldnt take the mental torment, so I hid the pet toy when moving things, months ago.

Now they found the pet toy again, and Im already nearly crying at the thought of seeing it again. It looks so much like my beloveds tails.

I cant move out for a long time due to finances, with no other place to stay.

Is there anything I can do about this?

>>119475
Overcome oversensitiveness by watching gore.

>>119348
Wow that was really almost a month ago. We’ve patched things up since and things are going well again. I can’t lose this boy. I can’t. He’s perfect and all that I ever wanted.

Theres this annoying middle aged cart guy who works at this one store that has everything I and my relatives need for the week (some are health related items). I went out of my way to like 3 different stores for like a month to avoid him, but now hes even more clingy.

This time, I realized he could watch me browse a section, as he was talking with another employee within view of where he was. Then he stood in the middle of one isle, he made small talk as I was trying to shop. So I grey rocked him with "yeah, mhhmm" type of responses with a smile to get him to STFU. I rushed out of the isle as I couldnt think straight the rest of the time I was there, dreading seeing him pop up again, esp outside where the carts are.

Then he appeared again in the next isle, and he did this big grin. I felt so exhausted from moid harassment (also get this at home, long story) I didnt smile back at him. He usually only does the cart section, not the in store isles, so it was odd seeing him there. Then he stood there watching with a different moid coworker, both talking, as I rung up my items, and he laughed and said something to the coworker (I couldnt make out what it was) as I walked out the door. It felt like he was talking about me to that coworker, but Idk.

Another time I put an empty box in the cart, as Ive seen others do, as a present for my dying cat. The cart guy saw this, called attention to it and took it (he didnt know the reason why, I didnt get a word in).

He hasnt done anything really bad, its just a gut feeling. One time when he smiled at me I could see almost the backs of his eyes, it was terrifying. He helps put away groceries into my truck without being asked. I didnt want him invading my personal space, so I moved to the other end of the cart. He comes out with comments like "for some reason, my work hours changed", almost like he thinks I complained about him or something?

I have agoraphobia so I go out with an older female relative, and she thinks hes annoying too, but then she says hes "just being friendly" and "I hope he doesnt think we dont like him". She thinks the cart guy is good to have around us, because if another moid was ever violent toward us, the cart guy might see and step in to defend us (hah yeah right). She also said the cart guy is probably jaded from "these modern feminist bitches" rejecting his niceness, so if I try to establish boundaries with the cart guy, my own mom wont have my back.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>119505
Get friendly with him, then tell him that you're an mtf transgender

everyone will be so relieved

i hope it really does feel like falling asleep. i know how to do things better this time. i think a lot of people will feel finally free.

i think our mistake was at the start. you kissed me and started this at a place where we couldn’t walk forward. we had to turn around and walk back. i’m going to run forward this time and away from you and into the black and the water will be willing to hold me for the rest of time.

i miss the hold i had over you , the way you would listen to my every word , like a dog waiting to do tricks for a treat . i miss the tears you would shed for me , the way how i wld get under your skin so easily. i loved the turbulence and that was my problem . we couldnt have ever been in a happy stable relationship with the way my brain is wired, the wires in question being frayed and burnt.. lol. i dont regret anything. you disgust me , the both of you guys. so similar it makes my stomach turn . i can lie and say i wish the best and happiness for you both , but i dont. im pathetic in a way, i know. i never said i wasnt. i know what kind of girl i am in a oddly self aware way. i needed the two of yours love and validation. both of the relationships and love i thought was true were pure codependency . i needed so bad, for yall to need me, to never be able to live without me. i loveed the way yall hung on to my every word and pined for my attention.

to m&n, the thorns in my sides

i didn’t die i just gained a new dark secret tonight. cool.

>>119457
>moral compass
Reddit terminology

>>119459
I'm just using the same language as >>119453 so they'll understand me better

>>119399
>Should I change boyfriends or myself?
tl dr
Answer is BOTH

>They don't see it as some beautiful gift for their partner, they just see themselves as losers who haven't fucked, and they'll take the easiest chance to do so.

How can this even change when both men and women shame virgin men in general?

>>119463
We need to start slut-shaming men.
NO CHERRY NO MARRY

OP here. I believed his lies and went back again. I wish I had a friend I cpuld stay with.

>>119103
OP here, I'm not a troll. On Christmas I opened the gift he got me and it turned out to be an iron pipe that he yanked out of my hands and started beating the shit out of me with it. I'm typing from the hospital now after we just made amends.

I am intoxicated at the moment so please excuse me if I am not very articulate. So, he recently went out of his way to acquire a tire iron, wrapped it, and left it under the tree in order to commit a premeditated attack? Said attack was severe enough to hospitalize you, and then you reconciled?
I've read through the threads before and I know you have mentioned you have put him through things in the past, but at this point this man has been incredibly manipulative, abusive and violent for a significant amount of time. This man will kill you, either by literal murder or long-term stress, it does not matter what he previously put up with or helped with.
I know you've tried to leave before and it didn't work, remember that on average it takes around seven tries to successfully leave an abusive relationship, that's an average, it can take longer, you still have a chance.

>>119442
What a thoughtful gift, wonder what you'll get next year.

>>119442
Actual OP here, please don't pretend to be me even if it's to make a joke.

I'm jealous that your comfortable in your own company. It kills me to be alone with myself.

>>119402
>>119406

Yeah, I try my best to balance out when I decided to reach out.

Too little and everything fizzles out so quickly but too much can lead to everyone thinking you’re annoying.

In a way, I am fine with the waiting game. But I’ve been a little bummed out because it seems as if it only takes one sentence for something to bloom between anyone around me. However, that doesn’t seem to be he case at any time with me. Guess that’s been bothering me a little. Almost like there is something fundamentally wrong with me and it sucks because I think I’m normal-ish.

>>119405

And I hope for you to find comfort soon :)

>>119407

I suck with image board culture but I forgot to mention I’m the OP in the last two comments prior to this one, too.

But yes. I’ve always been like this, though. I have always wanted to spend more time by myself than with others but, as you get older, it’s not as easy.

Don’t beat yourself up about it too much. We are meant to be social so it’ll make sense that you’re uncomfortable with it.

>>119407
It does kill me, but what can I do.

>>119451
I really enjoyed the sonic 3 movie. Shadow and jim carry that movie