/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I writing this during big girl emotions, but I swear if I ever and I mean ever kill myself, I am ruining everyone’s life with one single note speaking of all the ways they ruined my life, the jinx is these people only spiritually ruined my life because I am insane, mortally it’s corrupt, personally it’s revenge

This thread is for people who have hit rock bottom. Not people who are having a bad day, but people who are living in the depths of despair. Whether you're a nona who is struggling with serious addiction, mental or physical illness that severely precludes your life, constantly feeling suicidal, whether you're being abused, have any other serious life issues or if you are simply unable to function and don't know where else to turn, vent here and let's try to support each other.

Growing up, I was a really bad student. I had a bad home life so I would just smoke weed in parks and get drunk and shit during the day until I had to go to court for my absences. Eventually just dropped out of high school and got my GED. I actually managed to get an associates in a technical field and did that job for awhile but it was so boring I started daydreaming about getting cancer and dying lol.

That brings us to the modern day. I ended up quitting my job and going back to college for "a useless degree". This time around I'm actually making straight A's, after making straight C's and D's my first run through college. The program is incredibly strict, like, if you miss 2 appointments in a semester, you're out.

The only thing that has changed is that I have developed an attachment to a professor. I'm not sure if I'd call it a crush. Perhaps it's some weird Freudian thing where my creative energy is unfocused. This has caused me to become completely addicted to academic achievement. It gives my life direction and meaning. I have nothing to look forward to besides lectures and homework. When we get breaks in between semesters, I fall into a deep depression. I am so driven, I no longer recognize myself. I went from being a juvenile delinquent to this. I'll probably get my master's in a few years.

My future is so uncertain. I'm worried that I won't have an identity outside of school and will just kill myself after graduation. Life feels like a dead end. But for now I'm very happy, and my professor is proud of me. I feel an extreme amount of guilt over how limerent I am for this man. He's married with kids. But at the same time, I know the limerence is partially to blame for my excellent grades. Oh well. Whatever.

I recently stood up to a girl in my friend group who has been treating me like shit all year in private and doing petty mean girl stuff like kicking me out of our group chat, making plans with me and then canceling without explanation as to why, and also ignoring my texts when I asked if she'd be willing to be mature and talk things out in person instead of being passive aggressive to me all the time. It was at a party a mutual friend of ours was throwing and I basically texted her an essay there explaining how she's done me wrong all year and how I hope she learns some maturity for next year. Then, instead of addressing me personally, she ran out of the room crying, acting like a victim and everyone at the party basically turned on me saying that somehow I'm the one who was passive aggressive all along and now they're manipulated by her into thinking I'm the one who was an instigator. I fucking hate being Gen Z and I fucking hate being apart of this generation of crybullies.

I HATE TATTOOS SO MUCH

STOP FUCKING DOODLING ON YOURSELF

IT LOOKS SO BAD

EITHER GO ALL OUT OR DON'T DO IT

tell me about your day cc!
stories also welcome

Boyfriend keeps calling me fat and disgusting even though I'm only 28 pounds overweight. Picrel accurately describes what my body currently looks like right now. I'm basically skinny fat but because he's a short skinny manlet he thinks he can talk any type of way to me and calls me fat and disgusting and it only makes me feel more depressed and want to eat even more. The truth is, before I started dating my current BF this year, I got broken up with this really hot skinny guy that I was seeing and he was like the guy of my dreams. I only settled for my current BF now because the previous guy broke my heart real bad. If I really gave a fuck I could be a skinny sexy bombshell Stacy if I wanted to. I've always been pretty and I already used to be underweight in my early 20's, but I simply stopped giving a fuck about my appearance because even when I was a skinny healthy Stacy I still attracted the most disgusting human sludge ugly male bastards known to existence. It was truly a black pill and made me realize that no matter how pretty and skinny I was, I still attract ugly bastards meanwhile other Stacies could attract actual Chads here simply because they're whiter than I am. It's because my hometown is shit and only ugly weirdos want to come to me with my darker skin color and appearance. I'm just glad that I'm not as far gone as my other friend who looks almost like me, she ended up becoming morbidly obese and trooning out on top of that. I keep telling my boyfriend (we're long distance) that eating my feelings is not as bad as how my other friends turned out but he still doesn't listen to me and only accuses me of being fat and disgusting and stealing away his chance of getting with actual "Stacy me". Well sucks for him because the more he talks shit to me like this the more I'm just gonna eat my feelings. Oh well.

I cannot stand the political climate that exists today. As a leftist, I’m told to hate Republicans. I live in a very Republican area and these people are not bad people. I have a very bad cold and I can’t really breathe and I had to go pick up medication and it was like $100. I didn’t have enough money and I had to call somebody to ask to borrow some money and while I was calling, this old lady overheard and paid $100 for my pills. How can I hate these people when I know that they’re good at heart?

22yo autistic girl diagnosed at 16. up until last year i never thought anything of it. that it was just some stupid label given by the doctors to label me as difficult and stuck up.
but now it seems my autism diagnosis wasn't actually a lie. i never had friends that i could get along with like other kids since i was 5 until now. people talking hurts my ears. i didn't really like any of my peers, they were always too outgoing and bright for me. they always did unsoliticed physical contact that made me so uncomfortable i ended up not leaving the house for the next few days. for some reason i cannot handle theatre audio systems anymore. i have to wear ear plugs just so i can watch movies on a big screen in film quality. everything sounds too sharp, like nails on a chalkboard. i cannot maintain eye contact with my psychiatrist and my therapist while talking. i talk staring at my hands while i fold and unfold the paper with my queue number on it (i bought a fidget cube so i can stare at my hands doing useless shit for as long as i need, paper degrades too easy). making exaggerated facial expressions like other people has gotten impossible. (people have gotten worried because my face is unmoving while i interact with them)
i feel like myself in high school where i hated everyone because i couldnt understand them for being so excited and so loud. now im in college and i can understand them more due to reading more philosophical/psychological topics on the human mind. but no matter how much i fucking "nerd out" i can never be truly human and day by day i feel more and more detached with humanity.

i'm turning into a sociopath. the more i have to make myself acceptable to society the more i feel like i am disappearing. this sucks. what if i really disappear and when i do have a chance to be a mother to a daughter, my rhetorical daughter will hate me for being so emotionally flat/empty/dead inside?

say that my dreams of raising a daughter better than my parents raised me will never come to anything. it'll hurt and i'll cope with that but, there are some days i feel so detached and not myself i have this slight unease if i murder family. i already hate my parents so i feel like they'll be the victims foremost if i do lose myself. but what i'm scared of is being so far gone. i commit murder in catatonia and get assessed in court in a catatonic state. no longer human, no different than an animal.

chat im going insane and i dont thinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

How would you describe the feelings and differences of

>Young love
>Love at first sight
>"Just Dating" / "Seeing each other"
>Loving a friend
>Someone who you genuinely appreciate and feel grateful for being able to meet, and can make you emotional because of how they make you feel
>Being "in love"
>Long term love
>Falling out of love
>Settling