/feels/ - Advice & Venting

ALL MEN

I wish my family was dead because they wanted me to be a boy when that's just not who I am.

Also, I want to kill Prozzub because he ruined my life.

I don't think I've ever wanted to kill someone myself but I have wanted people to die before. I just don't want to do it or be the reason they died.

When I was 20 I started dating a girl and moved in with her. She wouldn't let me leave the house and she raped me almost every night. After 6 months I escaped. The police were useless and told me I'm not really a victim and it's what I should have expected for being gay. When I called my mother she told me not to act like a victim. My grandmother told me it wouldn't have happened if I called more. And my father laughed at me before asking how that could happen and hanging up.

A few hours later my father called me back and said he was in the state and wanted to know if I wanted him to kill her. I thought about it and said no. He asked me if I was sure and I said yes. But sometimes I regret saying that. She was in the hospital for shooting herself in the head. She found where I was hiding and told me if she couldn't have me, no one could. She went outside and was on her way back in with a gun when the police showed up. She decided to shoot herself instead. She lived. So when he offered it felt like I could get what I was supposed to have. A final end. Never seeing her again, never worrying about her hurting someone else.

I know someone hurt her and she hurt me in turn, but I cant stand the idea that she could go on to hurt other girls like me.

I'm upset she is alive. But I'm happy that I don't have it on my hands.

>>120708
Hopefully not too much of a necro to get the full story? Was he a terrible person or were you an unusually bloodthirsty 10 year old? He beat your mom, he beat you, what did he do?

>>125062
The way your family reacted is absolutely disgusting, nona, I'm so sorry you went through that. I had a similar experience at a younger age and I think it scarred me for life to have it brushed aside so readily, maybe even more so than the SA itself. I hope you find people who treat the topic with the heaviness and respect it deserves, and that you can heal someday.

I hate my family dog because it killed my cat. I want to blow that dog up by strapping it to a firework.

I found out years ago that I developed possible cPTSD from this, and further research suggests I may even have schizophrenia. Possibly caused by being abused for so long at this school, or the ZoLoft I was on two years before.

>>124468
>There is nothing inherently problematic about things like instant messaging or the internet.

yes there is. if you understood the nuanced differences between early respectful/consensual/peaceful internet communication systems and the current, biased, infiltrated, automated, security-addicted, debt-based, disrespectful patronizing consumer-systems and the war that is happening behind the scenes you would not mention such ignorance.

plus you base what human nature is on everything that happened after the begin of agriculture a few thousand years ago. there is a timespan in the hundreds of thousands of years where the anatomical modern human climbed down the tree and survived without settlements. to speak of human nature without accounting for this time where things were different again to me is quite ignorant. makes me wonder if you are in the business of ignorance because amateurs usually don't exhibit such professional level of ignorance.

>>124514
>early respectful/consensual/peaceful internet communication systems and the current
Anon… the very fact that these two existed at all is proof of my point. I don't understand what you're disagreeing with me on.
Can you clarify your point on "human nature" or whatever? It's very unclear.
>>124512
The reason it was a "place" to people like you is because you were a tourist. If you want to gawk at things or "explore" there are plenty of alternatives even now.

Text messaging is the lowest form of human communication next to violence. I hope that smart phones are stigmatized some day and people will use them in moderation.

>>124959
>NOOO YOU CAN'T COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE USING WRITING NOOOOOOO
Guess I'll just get rid of all of this trash then

>>125054
They have been burning potter and Dostoevsky for eons scrote it won't make any difference most people aren't going to follow you there en masse because most books are written by and large for the masses and printed and reprinted for generations

>>124375
ppl like to act like they can “multitask” love, but splitting attention always weakens the bond. that’s why most poly stuff is just cope. depth requires focus. and yeah, some guys cut back on porn, but discipline doesn’t mean much if it’s still wrapped in “sex positive” excuses for disrespect. labels don’t matter if someone can’t actually give their partner respect and presence.

>>124375
>I've seen more guys now who are atheists or agnostic controlling their lust

that's because they don't have a libido lmao don't ask me how i know that

>>123128
Aren't women also attracted to other men? I mean, I am for sure, that doesn't mean I'm going to pursue them and cheat on my bf. I assume it's the same for decent men. To be a cheater you have to actually act on these feelings.

The fact that he follows these hot egirls is a redflag though. I'm not going to follow random tiktok lookmaxed twinks. Whenever there's one in my inbox I avoid talking to him. It's also weird that he tells you about the women he's attracted to when he obviously knows it makes you upset. Assuming you're not the one asking him about it all the time of course, but it seems he's the one who randomly brings the subject. Honestly I don't think this man respects you. It reminds me of these "practice gf" situations. I think you should consider if this relationship is a positive for you. You shouldn't feel insecure all the time in a relationship. And it doesn't seem that the problem comes from you only. He's definitely not considerate of you.

>>123128
that's not right nona, but ik what you mean, it feels like there's no escaping that now
i really hate what instagram and tiktok and swiping apps have done to romance
like it's one thing to see an attractive person in the street and give them a glance just kind of reflexively, that's just human, but i hate how there seems to be no such thing as a private relationship anymore because a whole world of online brainrot and egirls are invading what's supposed to be your cozy world for two

You should keep their eyes in a jar and only let them use it when they're around you

>>124968
If you don't finish your degree can you make progress in your carreer at your current job?

Nipp

>>124983
>>124985
this degree will make me a pharmacist, the pay will be almost double than what I'd be making right now. I only have one semester with classes left, the other one is internship again (this internship I did now was extra). I'm just afraid I'll end up failing any subject and then I'll have to stay an extra year like in my last degree and spend more money in tuition.

Some of my classmates work and study, almost all of them are either part time studying or left subjects behind.

Thanks for the help btw

>>125004
Well…

Pros and cons of working as intern
+ safety net
+ work experience
+ making money
+ people at work appreciate you and ask you to stay back (good coworkers is such a positive thing btw)
- already have experience
- maybe have to spend 2 more years balancing work and studies with 6 subjects
- they suck at teaching (can gain better experience at another place)
- this is extra

Pros and cons of studying fulltime:
+ can be mindful and focus on only one thing - better performance
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>125025
+ pay will be almost double
+ pharmacist degree will open new and more exciting opportunities

>>124992
I never disappeared, just you couldn't recognize my posts

>>124992
yeah, the retroachievements thread was obviously his in hindsight

This shit is so pointless, Marioipod13 is autistic and needs to be euthanized.

>>124982
> wears a pikachu hoodie like tama hero and pretends to be a girl
> hates this random online user for ruining his life
> openly announces he voted for Trump

100% autistic and needs to be euthanized.

Did I also mention this retard pretends to have periods?! Eeew, gross.

Talented or/and hardworking programmers are still finding jobs. The problem is that you are competing with people who have been doing it since they were 13. The fact that you say AI has "wasted" your experience just shows me you only care about the advertised lifestyle and salary, and not about the field or CS in general. You can't really compete with people who love the field, tie their identity to it and spend all the time programming or exploring technology.

I mean, is it really a "dream job"? Have you written any software outside of CS classes? Do you talk to other programmers? My guess is no because if you did, you would know that most do not take it as a serious threat and are preparing for an era of "vibe debugging" consulting.

when we kill all indians the tech job market will finally open up but it won't affect you as you will have been delegated to life as a concubine by then

>>124978
Young women are outearning young men more and more each day btw.

>>124044
If you don't mind working bedside for a while, become a nurse. Then get a job doing health IT, as an RN medical coder or working with a medical device company selling shit. Or you could become a nurse practitioner and have a chill 9-5 prescribing rehab patients suboxone or some shit.

>>124073

I'm fucking dead, an ex friend of mine does this and I can't help but thing of the rampant misogyny and sterotypes that permeates in that industry.

>>124044

Im right there with you Nona. Current personal and financial situations basically makes it seem like the tech industry is harder to break into nowadays but if its something you really want you should go for it. You can always try to network yourself at events or on LinkedIn. What are your thoughts on bootcamps? Is it the same as college?

>>124850
Still need someone to shoo the cats off your corpse when you die.

>>124842
Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

If it's the first one, there's a whole childfree community where people date others who don't want kids.

If it's the second, IDK if what I have to say will help or not. If you already possess the capacity to fall in love with someone, fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values, and the loyalty to stay with them even when the honeymoon phase is over; You'll adapt to starting a family just fine if you chose to go that route.

>>124852
>Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

Mostly the latter. I'm not sure if I want kids yet, I think it's so risky and that you'll have to pour a 100% of yourself in it, honestly I don't even feel like that's worth it in most cases. What if I give my life to someone who I'll probably not even get along with?

>fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values

That's the thing, I don't know if they're out there, I'm a pretty radical feminist and men aren't big fans of getting their privileges taken

>>124855
Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit) look for a guy who shares your core values and is willing to learn further, then build on that. If he's willing to learn that's half the battle fought right there. A relationship that results in marriage, and the marriage itself, is a ton of hard long-suffering work. It's not 50/50 either, each side has to give 100% of themselves to the relationship. Maintaining it, upholding it, and improving it. Communication is key and as long as you both can and will communicate then you can always overcome whatever life throws at you. My parents have been happily married for around 40 years. I'm the eldest out of 5, not including two miscarriages. I've seen them fight, and makeup. I've seen them be away from each other for weeks at a time because my dad was in the Air Force and was going TDY. We've been dirt poor, and middle class. My mom has COPD because she smoked, my dad had an aneurysm burst in his brain and that's spelled countless medical problems. Now they're both getting old they're in their 60s my mom has bad bones, my dad is dying of cancer. No matter what they still love each other. They put each other first at all times.

That is not optional. That is mandatory.

You have to find someone who you can be that with. One whole being. When the times are good and when the times are bad. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do you part.

Don't let the overwhelming negativity of modern society get to you there are still people who are out there and want that. But it takes searching. You have to get off your ass and find it, it will not come to you. Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there because you are worth it. What you want and what you desire in life is worth it. It's worth getting hurt, it's worth getting rejected. That love does exist. But like anything that is worth something it is not passive. It has to be worked for, and you must set aside everything to obtain it.

Do you have the intestinal fortitude? The fact that you want it says you do. All that remains is for you to obtain it.

Good luck and Godspeed.

>>124858
>Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit)

Well women feel like shit all the time. I don't care if a scrote has to feel like shit for like a week in order to stop being a public menace. I think I might just try sticking to women.

For me the problem is not that someone may disagree with me, but that there are always a few crazy unhappy people who want to make everyone else deal with that. But also, did you have critical parents nona? I find that sensitivity to strangers is related to it.

>>124956
I like to think of an internet as a dive bar that anyone can go to. You might meet nice people occasionally, but a large percentage of them are miserable bar flies that want to bucket crab the people around them.

Also don't go to 4chan. That is like the dumpster fire behind the dive bar filled with porn and screaming racists.

>>124957
Relatable. I don't like to call it that though because Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes people think it's a trans thing instead of an neurodiversity thing and it's been co-opted by whiners who can't take any criticism and excuse it with that

>>124960
I personally had a pretty critical mom, don't know if it's different for any other anons though

I manage to post on here from time to time but then I'd have to suppress the urge to not delete before the 30 minutes mark

>>124965
Looks like you made it!

>>124940
Is this Hitler? It looks off but vaguely like him.

I have a similar problem, nona, although sometimes I find solace in creating things I like. I get quickly frustrated cause I suck at it, though.

>so many people are just doing things to cope with same dread and loneliness
I don't think so. I've experienced failures after failures, and also I'm not normal and my frontal lobes are genetically fucked up. Meanwhile, you can see a glow in normies.
They still believe in god, they still believe in materialistic consumption, they still believe in looking good, they still believe in the lies that is peddled by capitalist consumerist culture on TV and mainstream media, they still believe that earning money and buying products will make them happy, they still believe that they too have a chance to get back at the world that has "failed" them, only if they tried hard enough, and anyone could become like the celebrity they worship, they still believe in a lot of things, and this drives them.

Maybe purposes don't have to be the same thing throughout your life. My primary purpose right now is so basic - to be "functional" (getting a job and becoming a responsible (tm) adult) and learn / develop systems to cope with my problematic behaviors. It's too narcissistic and navel gazing but this itself is a huge struggle to me.

Try some questionnaires (in picrel it's self-direction, stimulation, and security for me), online or with the help of a therapist. There's something in you that already intuitively tells you what you want to do, but years of inaction, suppression and failures has buried it. I once sat down for 3 or so hours and really thought about it, and came to the conclusion that I want to run a cat shelter and make the world a better place for cats, but unfortunately it's not sustainable.

>>124955
>My primary purpose right now is so basic - to be "functional" (getting a job and becoming a responsible (tm) adult) and learn / develop systems to cope with my problematic behaviors.
Good luck nona!! It may seem basic but I think these goals are respectable anyway, it takes a lot to get over a nonfunctioning lifestyle for most people.

>>124963
Thanks!