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dreams? Anonymous 122029[Reply]

i had the strangest dream, ive never experienced a dream so long
apparently i was in a thruple with my bf (recurring theme) but i always get confused by the concept as being weird, like i counted and felt something was off but wasn't sure what
we were in his room, he was with this pumpkin headed fella, kinda looked like me but not really
anyways after awhile of this fella cuddling with my bf and having his attention, i began to be unsure of whether he was real
after doing a test by (non violently) pushing him against my bf or more like pushing my bf on top of him on the bed (smushing him) he faded from reality and i came to the conclusion that he was not real, and maybe needed my brain to be checked.
he wasn't really a representation of me i don't think, more like "a stranger."
i woke up naturally but very tired, like the dream itself was exhausting
a REM cycle lasting longer than usual?

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I’m a terrible sister Anonymous 121483[Reply]

I’m the failure of my family. I think my upbringing was pretty rough, but out of my 4. other siblings, I’m the only failure. My younger brother and sister are both well adjusted and normal human beings with jobs and houses. My older brother is kinda a weirdo, but he is super nice and makes a lot of money as scientist. And my eldest brother is the coolest and best person I’ve ever known. He literally took beatings on everyone else behalf and practically raised my siblings and I after a certain point. He always protected me and helped me out, even though I’m a worthless person. One time he beat up a kid who hit me and his girl friend always talked to me because she knew I had problems making friends in high school. He was the kind of guy who would stop on the highway to help cars on the side of the road or lend everyone else money. He even started a few side hustles for my other siblings and I, but I never really got into them.

A few years ago he got married to his girlfriend and was promoted to an amazing job . He had the perfect life, perfect friends, and perfect relationship, and he deserved it. I was always super jealous of him and my siblings even though it’s my fault my life sucks.

About 2 months ago my eldest brother’s wife and kid died so he started drinking. Because his job involves cranes and boats, he got fired when he showed up to work drunk too many times. His life has gone to complete hell and I’m pretty sure he is going to kill himself drunk driving.

All my other siblings and his friends are doing everything they can to cheer him up, but there is literally nothing I can do. My sister and younger brother keep taking him out to eat. His wife’s family is helping him clean up his house. Even my weirdo shut in older brother is driving 300 miles a week to hang out and work out with him. I don’t have money to do anything for him and there is literally nothing interesting I do to talk with him about. I don’t have a family of my own for him to be around like my younger siblings or share any interests with him like my older brother. I can’t even help with all the side hustles that are falling apart without my eldest brother, because I have no real skills.

I wish I was nicer to him and I wish I could do something for him. The last time we talked, he told me he was sorry for not helping me more to have a better life before his friends had to carry him out of the bar.
10 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121636

>>121624
I think they did. sorry my posts have been sloppy. I usually only post here after drinking a bit. I’ll try to write more clearly to the 3 people reading my posts XD. Even if no one actually cares, it kinda feels therapeutic writing about it, even if I’m not the one suffering most here. Also I’m going to be super rambly here, so sorry in advance. Also I know its probably obnoxious having me refer to my brother by older and young, but if I use a fake name, I’ll probably start using their real ones by mistake.

So, I showed up at my eldest brother’s house last evening. When I pulled into his driveway, I saw my second oldest brother since he was outside laying down a bunch of stones to make this terraced garden thing. In high school and college, he had a job in earthwork/construction, so he is pretty good at that sort of stuff even though he works in a lab. He zones out really hard with headphones and he didn’t notice me until I was right next to him. I spoked him and he dropped a big stone on his foot, but he was cool about it after rolling around in the dirt for a bit. He told me he was trying to make a cool new garden for my eldest brother because he wanted a nice garden and to change things up to remind him less of his wife and kid. I guess that makes sense, although I’m not sure why he doesn’t just move from that house if it’s that much of an issue being there. My older brother did not pick me up and threw me into a piece of furniture, so thankfully my dream about that was no prophetic.
When My older brother and I went inside, and my younger brother and eldest brother where inside playing call of duty zombies. I think my younger and second oldest brother carpooled after work to head over to my eldest brother’s house. My sister wasn’t there that day. For about 2 or 3 hours, we played zombies. When we were teenagers, we’d play zombies a bunch since my eldest brother bought a Xbox 360. I never liked playing it much, but because COD was the only game my brother would buy, the area I was in was too rough to run around, and I had no friends, it was one of the few things I had to do growing up for fun. The only person who hated it more than I was my second oldest brother. He owned a computer as a teenager that he’d play his own games on and was willing to do stuff outside by himself, so he never got as good at the game as the rest of us. We spent a goPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121637

>>121636
So, we start a fire in a firepit in the backyard and just hang out. We talked about some childhood memories and our family. It was pretty calm and nice. Eventually, my eldest brother gets messed up and My brother carry him to his room. Only my older brother came back out since my younger brother decided to pass out too. Things became pretty awkward since we weren’t talking, and he kept going over to the stick pile to keep the fire going. I don’t remember how, but we started talking about our lives and what we were going to do about our elder brother. He told me something about his old job being willing to taking him back, since he was one of the few people at the port who could get things done. I suggested we try to find him someone else to start a family with, but he said that it would be a bad idea. He also poked fun at me about being too alone myself to be a good wingwomen anyways, but I thin he wasn’t being mean since he doesn’t really have any relationship experience either. I have a lot of trouble reading him, especially when drunk. I remember asking him if I should go to the gym with everyone else and he told me I could but that I probably wouldn’t like it. He said he was going to try to find a beach or hiking trail this weekend, but I said I probably couldn’t make it. Not sure why I said that, but I did even though I never have anything going on. At some point we just start throwing asmany sticks and leaves as we can on the fire to try and make it huge. Then I remember sitting down and resting my eyes and waking up on a couch.

I’m 90% sure I was carried inside but I can’t remember for sure. I don’t know if this is weird, but I enjoy it when you smell like smoke and wood after being around a fire. I called out of work today because I was still kinda buzzed when I woke up and I hate my minimum wage job. I’m still at my brother’s house and I’m probably about to play zombies again in a few minutes as of writing this. I already cooked up some dinner with the help of my younger brother. I want to tell them I will go with them to the beach or whatever. My sister is coming too, so it would be super fun, I think. Idk, this whole situation feels weird, but I think I’m happy. I’m going to try and talk with both of my older brothers some more.

Anonymous 121692

>>121636
>>121637
So it sounds like you were actually useful Nona, you did very well! I'm sure they all appreciated having you there. And yes, you should totally go to the beach with them.

Anonymous 121880

Updates?

Anonymous 122001

>>121637
Sounds like it went way better than you expected


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one of my friends totally dropped me Anonymous 120770[Reply]

as the title says, one of my friends texted me last friday, and decided that we couldn’t be friends anymore. he said that our friendship was “too intense” and he couldn’t handle it for his mental health. this came out of nowhere, and he hadn’t expressed discomfort any time in the past about our friendship and what we talked about. we’ve only known each other since november but we’ve gotten really close in that time, and tell each other about our mental health, personal, and family struggles. i’m not mad that he did this, if anything im glad he’s prioritizing his mental health. but, it just really fucking sucks that he just,,, decided we can’t be friends anymore. i don’t even know if this is permanent. from the way he spoke, i don’t think it is, but i have no clue when he’ll be stable enough for us to be friends again.

on one hand, he’s kind of right? like, our friendship was a bit mentally draining for the both of us. but on the other hand i really miss him. i miss talking to him from when i woke up to when i went to bed. i miss seeing funny videos and sending them to him. i miss talking to him about literally nothing and everything. i think it’s worse because he still like, looks at my ig stories. he doesn’t hate me, we just can’t be friends for the time being.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 121717

>>120918
pretty much the same happend to me
for 2 year we sorta dated but i told him we couldnt be with him because im a lesbian
when he got over me and started seeing another girl i realised im probably just bi and stupid
but the coodependency hit really good while it lasted

Anonymous 121963

op here again bumping this thread!! it's been a while since this all happened, but i talked to him a couple weeks ago and i got some form of closure. he basically told me that we got too close, and that he was telling me things about him that he shouldn't, as well as thinking that we were too dependent on each other.

i'm doing better now! i still feel sad about our friendship not working out (especially since i couldn't do anything about it) but i'm not as worried. i just hope he's doing okay. he's a good guy, even if he doesn't always feel like it. sometimes i come across a tweet or tiktok and i'm like "lol toby would like this" and then i remember. oh yeah. can't send it to him because i have him blocked on instagram and imessage. i'm in therapy now (thank god) and hopefully i'll start changing for the better. :)

Anonymous 121967

>>121963
Proud of you nona. It is very hard to adjust to having someone in your life to not having them there at all. But usually time makes things better and it sounds like it’s helped for you. I’m also adjusting to not speaking to someone who I used to talk to every day. It’s very, very hard and I hope I’m able to be at peace with it soon. Happy to hear you’re doing better and I wish you the best!

Anonymous 121974

>>121967
thanks nona. its always really hard at first. but i think that eventually you just… forget? like, at first i couldn't help but think about him. from the time i woke up til the time i went to bed. but now i don't think about him as much. you slowly forget about them as you spend less time with them.

Anonymous 121978

traitors are to be EXECUTED!!!


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Anonymous 121969[Reply]

>his friends are liking his instagram posts, they must be cheating
>he reposted a tiktok, i think it's because his cheating partner likes it
>he's too happy, he must be cheating on me
>he's sad, maybe he's having conflict with his cheating partner
>that song can be interpreted as an relationship with infidelity, he's cheating
>his pupils are dilated, he must be thinking of cheating
>he breathes slower around strangers, he's cheating
>the murmurs he makes while sleeping could possibly be a name, maybe multiple, he's cheating
how do i catch my boyfriend cheating on me? i can't ignore the signs

Anonymous 121970

go through his phone

Anonymous 121971

>>121970
no i don't like confrontation is there a truth pill? i could drug him

Anonymous 121972

>>121971
nah not even the CIA could find a truth pill. well, thats pretty much how most people find out if their partner cheats. you can do it in sneaky ways, unethical but hey. if your intution tells you that hes cheating perhaps its time to break things off bc youre clearly stressed out, uncomfortable and dont find him trustworthy


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Anonymous 118787[Reply]

In your own words, what does falling in love feel like to you? How do you know there's a connection, a spark, a vibe?
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Anonymous 118829

It feels more self destructing and dangerous than taking drugs of questionable quality.

Anonymous 119008

>>118829
It is also the most sublime drug known to man. Better than an entire drug cocktail

Anonymous 119057

I knew for sure when I realized I only want to marry and have kids with him.

Anonymous 121955

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It’s a hunger a need for someone. When I love someone I need them for my life to have any meaning

Anonymous 121965

One side bliss, one side worry.
Every moment with him is wonderful. Laughter, passion, pleasure. I can open up and be myself with no facade.

Without him is anxiety. Did I mess something up? Is he okay? He’s depressed, so will he leave me? Did I hurt him? Is he eating? Did he get drunk? Is he okay at work? It tears at my heart.


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unsent letter Anonymous 121934[Reply]

You'll find that I'm losing myself more & more, not because I'm incapable of loving anyone else but you – but I'm forgetting you, I can't even remember what nicknames we had for each other unless I really sit and think, or if I go beyond my notes. I hate that I can't think of you and see your face anymore, your face is such a blur which is weird to say when your face is everywhere online. You and your friends can block me from your life, and you can think I can forget you but the fame you hold is to an extent where I can hear from you, or what you're up to. I wish one day you'll come home. I don't care how dirty you did me, all I request is a kiss

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how do I begin to heal Anonymous 121912[Reply]

I'm sure the subject I'm using has been posted here at least a hundred times but I believe this a slightly more unique situation.

For context, I met this guy online. Keep in mind he's much older than I am. (I have a preference…) We met online and chatted for about 6-7 months. During that time, we discussed me running away with him. Sure, I'm ready for a shortcut to escape my issues. I'll take whatever opportunity you give me, Mr. Sir. December of 2024 is when that internet idea came to real life. I ran away with him. I smashed my devices and left no trace of where I was last or where I was headed. No note. No verbal confession of either. I left with my last words being "I'll see you guys later."

I went on the run with him. I knew he was being looked for by the feds but didn't think much of it considering he convinced me it was purely over some discord scandals that happened years prior to us meeting. Sure, it struck me as odd but it sure as hell wasn't my first time running into somebody in the mix with the law for the wrong reasons.

We fled together. He did not tell me where we were going initially while we were online.. understandable lol. I loved this man dearly. We had our hiccups but, we always managed to overcome them.. When we got in person I didn't expect abuse as he assured me that he wasn't that way whatsoever. I was wrong to convince myself he wouldn't do that to me as he did. I was gone for just a month and a half but it felt like years. I ran to escape the exact things he would do to me. Eventually.. the case went national as they figured out I was no longer in the state. The fbi got involved and we were found after someone gave them a key lead.. his "identity."
We were detained at different times. I'm not sure who was first. I was taken by undercover law enforcement from the place we were staying and questioned about if we had any "activity" together by male officers after requesting female law enforcement.. I guess that's the least upsetting part of the whole thing..
I was returned home after questioning and holding. I still lied for him and covered his ass. I was not giving up the truth for anything. Not long after I returned back to my state, the lead detective on my case contacted my family and requested to see me.. nobody would tell me what for. So, I began to worry and get ahead of myself. A very long and excruciating hour and a half later, they arrived and I was met with the question of hisPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121913

>>121912
im so sorry that happened to you nona
i uh……………. have no words. im speechless.

but
>much older than you
>the feds were looking for him
>didnt inform you of where you were going
yeah these are some extremely huge red flags you never should have ignored

>how to heal
seek therapy. talk to friends and family. but most of all, promise yourself to never make the same mistake of ignoring red flags in men. you WILL heal in time, everyone does. and hes just some worthless faggot who deserves to rot in jail. he would just have dragged you down. i feel bad for his ex. what a disgusting creature

Anonymous 121916

>>121913

Really, I wish I had never ignores those signs. I was very clearly being decieved and allowed myself to fall into it. I loved and still love him and I do not know how to make these feelings go away. I guess the first part in healing is making these feelings go away. But I don't know how.

Anonymous 121918

>>121916
this sounds recent so it might take you months to fully process. try to occupy your time with things you enjoy doing like your hobbies or interests. i know this is very cliche advice but even just going to the gym 3 times a week can be enough to get you on the right track of trying to get your mind off him. try to seek out support groups of domestic violence. try to tell yourself that you were never truly in love with him, because like you said he was deceiving you. you were in love with a fake, made-up version of him. the true him is an abusive murderer, basically the lowest of the low. he succeeded in deceiving you because he found you in a vulnerable state of mind and manipulated you.
its easier said than done when youre experiencing something thats as emotionally taxing as this, but you just cant give up.

Anonymous 121928

>>121918
It's difficult to let go of something I loved so much. My heart aches to think about it. I've been worried I'm going to do something that is irreversible and it's eating at me. I just want to forget it ever happened and move on.


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looking for betterment advice Anonymous 118711[Reply]

I have pretty much no family that cares for me, I'm sure I've lost my partner at this point, I have basically no friends. And of course, it is my fault. I am extremely mean to the people around me and push people away with how insane and insulting I am.
I pushed my partner away because I am insanely jealous (over nothing) and I start arguments (over nothing) and I am extremely selfish. I do not want to be this way forever. This has gone on so long my partner does not believe I can change. I know I can change, I want to change.

I have nothing left, I'm afraid it is already too late to prove I can change. I have been seriously considering the obvious. What do I have to lose anyways? Who cares?

I just want to be better for my partner, I want to be able to have a healthy relationship. I want to stop being so mean. I want to change my behavior. Therapy and medication do not seem to help. I just do not know what to do at this point. I can't eat and despite only getting two hours of sleep, I am not tired. I am wide awake, I am starving, I am nauseous, and I am full of hate for myself.

How can I make myself better? I am a reflection of my mother and I do not want to continue living this way.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymous 118721

>>118714
It was originally created for borderline personality disorder but people with ptsd or generally struggling with overwhelming emotions have found it effective. I’m not a great believer in talk therapy but DBT is more about building practical skills you can use everyday

Anonymous 118734

>>118711
>> I'm afraid it is already too late to prove I can change

How old are you? It's rarely too late for change

Anonymous 121910

hi guys.. OP here. He actually kidnapped me and is now in police custody for identity theft and evading police arrest for 7 years. I'm doing fantastic now! I'm going to be starting therapy and moving on with my life. I've definitely changed a bunch.

Anonymous 121911

>>121910
I don't believe you but I'd still like you to explain further

Anonymous 121917

>>121911

hi! I just posted about it in feels with the frog as the cover photo! I can give you his name if you'd like


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Am I not depressed enough to get help or something? Anonymous 121823[Reply]

I understand obviously there's people with a lot more issues in their lives but I don't understand why I've been waiting so long for help despite actually seeking it out. Its been over a year without so much as a peep and I've been so super low it sucks. Do they want me to try to kill myself again or something? Do I need to go back to chopping up my arms? What's going to trigger them to get me the help I need?

Anonymous 121828

>>121823
What if you go and get help and then you tell us in this thread how it went? We will be here waiting.

Anonymous 121907

>>121823
Help is not coming. You must self rescue.


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i am getting more autistic as i age Anonymous 121894[Reply]

22yo autistic girl diagnosed at 16. up until last year i never thought anything of it. that it was just some stupid label given by the doctors to label me as difficult and stuck up.
but now it seems my autism diagnosis wasn't actually a lie. i never had friends that i could get along with like other kids since i was 5 until now. people talking hurts my ears. i didn't really like any of my peers, they were always too outgoing and bright for me. they always did unsoliticed physical contact that made me so uncomfortable i ended up not leaving the house for the next few days. for some reason i cannot handle theatre audio systems anymore. i have to wear ear plugs just so i can watch movies on a big screen in film quality. everything sounds too sharp, like nails on a chalkboard. i cannot maintain eye contact with my psychiatrist and my therapist while talking. i talk staring at my hands while i fold and unfold the paper with my queue number on it (i bought a fidget cube so i can stare at my hands doing useless shit for as long as i need, paper degrades too easy). making exaggerated facial expressions like other people has gotten impossible. (people have gotten worried because my face is unmoving while i interact with them)
i feel like myself in high school where i hated everyone because i couldnt understand them for being so excited and so loud. now im in college and i can understand them more due to reading more philosophical/psychological topics on the human mind. but no matter how much i fucking "nerd out" i can never be truly human and day by day i feel more and more detached with humanity.

i'm turning into a sociopath. the more i have to make myself acceptable to society the more i feel like i am disappearing. this sucks. what if i really disappear and when i do have a chance to be a mother to a daughter, my rhetorical daughter will hate me for being so emotionally flat/empty/dead inside?

say that my dreams of raising a daughter better than my parents raised me will never come to anything. it'll hurt and i'll cope with that but, there are some days i feel so detached and not myself i have this slight unease if i murder family. i already hate my parents so i feel like they'll be the victims foremost if i do lose myself. but what i'm scared of is being so far gone. i commit murder in catatonia and get assessed in court in a catatonic state. no longer human, no different than an animal.

chat im going insane and i dont thinPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anonymous 121900

>>121894
the early 20s is when people usually start figuring themselves out, but it takes a while and that process may be longer or harder for someone with autism/social difficulties. there is nothing wrong with being withdrawn or disinterested in popular hobbies/activities. look for things you like doing, appreciate the time spent doing those things, use your time wisely to cultivate your skills.
eventually you'll find like-minded people and form sincere friendships with them, but if you're not interested in that, there's nothing inherently wrong with it either.

if you still live with your parents, try to limit your time around them until you manage to live by yourself. understand people unfortunately will always have certain expectations, but not meeting them doesn't determine your self worth.

focus on what you can do to feel better and build a routine that isn't distressing to you, since you have a lot of sensory issues.
if you truly dream of having a daughter, dont give up on it because of current limitations. but for now you should focus on yourself. once you improve your situation then you can start thinking about that.

being scared of hurting others/going crazy are common fears for people who have gone through abuse. that drives you closer to humanity, not further from it

take care


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