/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I grew up in a very feminine household with little to no male presence, with most of my friends being women up until the end of highschool. I fell out with some of my life long friends due to finding out they were only friends so they could steal from me, leaving only 1 that stayed because she didn't live in the same city as me. At the time I felt betrayed and closed myself off from the area I lived in, resorting to making friends online. I made a lot of friends, even getting introduced into their friend groups, but that lasted about 4 years until it imploded due to petty drama. I'm now 22 in college and I no longer hold hope for making friends despite being in a college that has more female than male students. I've had some bad experiences the few times I did try and reach out like not caring for me but being overly invested in my boyfriend, judging me constantly, or attempting to create a codependent relationship that is all about them. I've never had a friendship where I didn't experience at least one of those things. My biggest question is, does anyone have advice for how to overcome this cycle and make genuine friendships before I'm out of college? I want to make the most out of being in college, I'm not the most socially inclined person, but I do bring a lot of energy to conversations because I love connecting with others.

A lot of therapists are unbearable interpersonally. They learn how to manipulate people by choosing their words carefully when they're in school and completely lose the ability to communicate genuinely with other people.

For most people this isn't a problem, but as someone who knows a lot of therapists, it makes it harder to make friends with them. Out of roughly 20 therapists I regularly communicate with, only 2-3 are capable of communicating without using therapeutic techniques. If I say "I'm going on a date and I'm worried it'll go well and I'll have to make lifestyle changes" these people say "sounds like you're worried about what comes next". No fucking shit, dude. You're supposed to laugh with me about it and say "it'll probably be fine" or something

Most therapists are awful at their job. In this training I was in yesterday, the trainer told the group that asking questions in therapy does not help the client. You're just supposed to manipulate, sorry, motivate them into completing their goals by reflecting stuff they say back to them (but only the stuff you like). Mental health trainings are so funny. Everyone just talks about the most effective ways to manipulate people but if you use the word manipulation everyone will scold you.

Most therapists come from wealthy backgrounds, don't have addiction or trauma experiences, and had the resources growing up to learn coping mechanisms to help them live with their extreme neuroticism. I worked with a lady once, we were doing adolescent substance abuse group treatment, and she would get mad and basically ground the clients for misbehaving. Like she was their mother. She believed her role was to "get them in line". She was afraid of drugs after doing pot once.

Another dude i worked with told me this client was "externalizing" and upset because of his divorce. But the client was actually schizophrenic and actively psychotic, but the clinician believed he was "faking" his delusions "to mess with" him. One clinician stopped seeing a client because the client didn't bathe, even though the client was seeing them for depression for which one of the symptoms was not being able to take care of themselves.

Therapists are deeply self righteous individuals and most of them are crap. People usually see 3-4 therapists before they find one they connect with well and feel cared for by. Therapy can be very helpful to you if you are lucky or if you have the time to shop Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

So basically my boyfriend is kind and loving but his gradually began talking to me like shit more frequently and over silly things. I would not be worried but sometimes when we fight his began doing things like push me or i tried to leave his mums house once to cool off and he grabbed me by my hair and shoved my face onto his bed so i couldnt leave, but this is kind of an isolated incident. im not sure if it is going to begin happening more often because his begun hitting or throwing things when he gets angry. We got into a fight about a month ago and i said i wanted to break up not cuz i wanted to but cuz i felt it was the mature decision but he threatend to kill me. im not retarded and i know these are red flags in a way but do you guys think its just heat of the moment anger in like isolated incidents or should i be worried? he never use to be like this and his dad beat his mum growing up so i really dont expect behaviour like this from someone who grew up seeing that but idk because im scared in the future it wont just be hair pulling and threats and might become serious. when it comes to the way he talks to me he kind of is just apathetic and mean then will become super loving and misses me so i just feel confused. i feel like his turning into someone i dont recognise but i love him so much, more than anyone ive ever loved before. i will probably talk to him about this and mention him turning into kind of a shitty person when his mad so i can combat the issue before it gets bad but i just am posting this here to ask for opinions or advice because i feel a little lost.

My boyfriend and I are on a break from our relationship because he tried to manipulate me in the past. He told me I wouldn't find anyone else who would be as patient as him if I were to break up with him and repeatedly sounded patronizing when we were discussing about deep subjects together. I wanted to break up with him immediately, then I noticed he acknowledged his mistakes before apologizing and now he's trying his best to avoid hurting me. I love him because I can see he's really willing to grow up for me, but I can't get over what he said when we were fighting. Recently he's been crying a lot because he wants our relationship to continue, should I forgive him and give him another chance?

Why do many people who offer social skills advice act as if simply listening and asking questions is the right way to go?

A good connection happens very naturally between people making a genuine effort to understand eachother. You can't just ask questions like a job interview, otherwise it's totally one-sided and there is not really a connection. If they only talk about themselves and don't care about you, then you should just walk away.

can't really make meaningful friendship with other girls and it's been getting to me tbh. no one in my area has the same interests as me, and friend groups NEVER work out.

there's always some stupid petty drama that has the whole thing fall apart and has everyone hate each other until the end of time.

and other friends that i've had were always passive aggressive or in one-sided competition trying to "one up" me in any way possible to fuel their egos.

another friend i had just straight up started dating a known rapist from our old school and thinks life is all sunshine and rainbows.

idk, everything just feels kinda fake. i don't like how fake it is and have honestly just started removing myself from social spaces or groups entirely. my only friends are probably just my mom, sister and boyfriend of 2 years and i'm happy and fine but i still feel as though i need to have some kind of 'girlhood' or 'connection' in my life but i cba and dont know what to do at all because everyone in my area is just so boring and lame it feels like talking to a brick wall at all times.

hopefully when i travel abroad shit is gonna get better and i get to meet new people but man where i'm at right now just straight up fucking sucks and everyone is a copypaste of the next "big thing" online it's killing me.

Bisexual nona here, since being pinkpilled and observing male behavior ive wondered if lesbian relationships are more kind and understanding than heterosexual ones. It seems like women(myself included) to prioritize bonding and emotional intimacy and a deep bond.
(talked to moids before never gotten to even dating just some interest ig and self inserted into f4f fanfic and have sexual/romantic feelings for other women.so i have no experience just wanted to put that out there.)

Nonas, I don't know how to really tackle this topic but I feel I need people to judge me and comment on my situation. I'm really not the brightest person around. I'm in my mid 20s and I still act like a 14 year old most of the time (I'm trying to work on that despite my mental illnesses which still, I'm self aware enough that I'm using it as a crutch to justify my problems when I'm perfectly aware I can work on them).

I dated someone for four years (he was my first partner ever), everything started great but eventually after the second year he became really abusive and I stuck around despite that with the whole retarded mentality of "I can make it work maybe, I can fix him, maybe I'm the problem (corny garbage in that same vein in general)." Eventually I managed to finally snap out of it and broke up with him. I am still hurt by that break-up and it still causes me a lot of emotional distress. However recently I just find gravitating myself towards people that are similar to my ex and I just keep getting hurt over and over again. I don't even know how end up across these people, I've been trying to isolate myself more and more and yet.

Is there any way I can start tackling this issue to stop with it? I want to work on this. I'm tired of dating abusive retards and yet somehow subconsciously I do end up seeking them out. Feel free to call me retarded or whatever, I need any sort of external judgement at this point.

>have bf for 2 months
>cute and romantic, caring, sweet, never pressured me to do anything
>lots of eye contact
>we had sex for the first time last night
>don't really want to, but follow his lead because it's what he wants
>it's over
>he didn't look into my eyes the whole time
>no cuddles or holding me
>cold and emotionally distanced immediately after sex
>things weren't the same after that
>doesn't really be caring or romantic the way he used to
>we don't talk or text as much as before
>ask if he is feeling okay, if anything is going on in his life, if i can help in any way (even if it's more sex)
>get nothing back

Why are men like this?

When was the last time you went out on a date and how was it?