/feels/ - Advice & Venting

>>124850
Still need someone to shoo the cats off your corpse when you die.

>>124842
Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

If it's the first one, there's a whole childfree community where people date others who don't want kids.

If it's the second, IDK if what I have to say will help or not. If you already possess the capacity to fall in love with someone, fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values, and the loyalty to stay with them even when the honeymoon phase is over; You'll adapt to starting a family just fine if you chose to go that route.

>>124852
>Is it that you don't want children or are you scared of your identity changing as a wife/mother?

Mostly the latter. I'm not sure if I want kids yet, I think it's so risky and that you'll have to pour a 100% of yourself in it, honestly I don't even feel like that's worth it in most cases. What if I give my life to someone who I'll probably not even get along with?

>fall in love with the right kind of person who shares your values

That's the thing, I don't know if they're out there, I'm a pretty radical feminist and men aren't big fans of getting their privileges taken

>>124855
Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit) look for a guy who shares your core values and is willing to learn further, then build on that. If he's willing to learn that's half the battle fought right there. A relationship that results in marriage, and the marriage itself, is a ton of hard long-suffering work. It's not 50/50 either, each side has to give 100% of themselves to the relationship. Maintaining it, upholding it, and improving it. Communication is key and as long as you both can and will communicate then you can always overcome whatever life throws at you. My parents have been happily married for around 40 years. I'm the eldest out of 5, not including two miscarriages. I've seen them fight, and makeup. I've seen them be away from each other for weeks at a time because my dad was in the Air Force and was going TDY. We've been dirt poor, and middle class. My mom has COPD because she smoked, my dad had an aneurysm burst in his brain and that's spelled countless medical problems. Now they're both getting old they're in their 60s my mom has bad bones, my dad is dying of cancer. No matter what they still love each other. They put each other first at all times.

That is not optional. That is mandatory.

You have to find someone who you can be that with. One whole being. When the times are good and when the times are bad. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health. Until death do you part.

Don't let the overwhelming negativity of modern society get to you there are still people who are out there and want that. But it takes searching. You have to get off your ass and find it, it will not come to you. Don't be afraid of putting yourself out there because you are worth it. What you want and what you desire in life is worth it. It's worth getting hurt, it's worth getting rejected. That love does exist. But like anything that is worth something it is not passive. It has to be worked for, and you must set aside everything to obtain it.

Do you have the intestinal fortitude? The fact that you want it says you do. All that remains is for you to obtain it.

Good luck and Godspeed.

>>124858
>Instead of looking for a man who wants his privilege checked (because nobody wants to feel like shit)

Well women feel like shit all the time. I don't care if a scrote has to feel like shit for like a week in order to stop being a public menace. I think I might just try sticking to women.

For me the problem is not that someone may disagree with me, but that there are always a few crazy unhappy people who want to make everyone else deal with that. But also, did you have critical parents nona? I find that sensitivity to strangers is related to it.

>>124956
I like to think of an internet as a dive bar that anyone can go to. You might meet nice people occasionally, but a large percentage of them are miserable bar flies that want to bucket crab the people around them.

Also don't go to 4chan. That is like the dumpster fire behind the dive bar filled with porn and screaming racists.

>>124957
Relatable. I don't like to call it that though because Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes people think it's a trans thing instead of an neurodiversity thing and it's been co-opted by whiners who can't take any criticism and excuse it with that

>>124960
I personally had a pretty critical mom, don't know if it's different for any other anons though

I manage to post on here from time to time but then I'd have to suppress the urge to not delete before the 30 minutes mark

>>124965
Looks like you made it!

what you need is a good dicking

Oh nonono s…

>>124784
I hope you get one too nona you sound like you're a big fan of them <3

lesbian relationships suck most women are cunts

>>124901
That only makes sense seeing as how all women have them.

>>124755
This is her life, and that's what's frightening.

>>124755
He wasn't perfect, just lacked flaws. The truth is OP is clearly still mentally developing and needs to go through retarded milestones like being a mean girl at high school or whatever. A wholesome chungus bf that doesn't have a personality is good if you're all grown up and resigned to making a family, but that's like making a teenager hang out with a toddler or grandpa instead of their peers.

>>124690
Good for him and glad someone else can have him. No wonder so many men think women are insane.

>>124690
Reading this made me visibly angry. I feel actual hate.

>>124190
>>124923
Reading your story really resonated with me. A few months ago I was dating what seemed like the perfect man. Smart, intelligent, respectful and everything I could have ever wished for. However I was insecure especially since he had been in a two year relationship before me. His ex girlfriend was drop dead gorgeous and I found myself constantly comparing myself to her. I would stalk her social media mention her name to him and do all sorts of things that I know frustrated him. Despite his obvious frustration I couldn’t stop. I was convinced that he only got into a relationship with me because it was so soon after his breakup. I even convinced myself that I was just a rebound.

There were times when he lied to me when there was no reason to and I noticed he was insecure about himself which made me sad because he was actually stunning and incredibly smart. Eventually I began to find him pretentious which was really disappointing since those were the qualities that initially attracted me to him.

When he broke up with me he said he couldn’t handle the emotional strain I was putting on him. We had been in a long distance relationship met online and I’d even met his family. I begged him to stay but my insecurity and emotional immaturity only made things worse. It’s been a while since the breakup and though we still talk I always text first and he replies quickly. I’m even moving to his city soon. I tried to reconcile things but he told me he didn’t want the relationship and I understand now.

I also saw that he followed his ex back on Instagram which made me doubt if he ever truly cared about me or if I was just a rebound. He seemed to care but I realize now that closure might just be a myth. It’s none of my business what he did to me now. It’s over and I truly understand that it is.

One important thing I’ve learned is to be patient and self-aware in relationships. Before getting into another relationship it’s important to understand your own insecurities and what you need emotionally. Don’t rush getting to know someone. Let the relationship grow naturally during the talking phase and take time to understand the person’s values, intentions and character. Most importantly focus on building your self-worth without needing validation from others. I’ve realized that the biggest mistake I madPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

That sounds exhausting. Do your parents set up strict expectations upon you?

>>121279

yeah i know i just really did think i was safe when he was literally calling me his girlfriend i know I'm a fucking idiot i just was so scared that he'd reject me and I'd lose him as a friend and i just knew i was too ugly for him and i ended up being right anyway cause he left for a way prettier and younger girl

>>121269
sometimes you have to make the move yourself, people are just too shy to do it

>>121281
don't feel too bad. sounds like he wasn't worth it if he left you after all that

>>121271
> i literally gave him all the signs in the world
Such as? Moids can be awfully thick unless you're hyper explicit about what you want, what did you do exactly?

>>121271
He was banking on having you while also keeping it light enough to try his options. My condolences

>>122231
I want to help you but we need more info. What does your day look like? What are you eating? How are you sleeping? I find my life is very heavily dominated by the main tenants of sustenance:
1. Eating well. Fast food, sodas, sugar, lack of vegetables, etc. hits us harder than neurotypicals. We must feed ourselves with care. High protein breakfasts are a necessity if you want your meds to work.
2. Sleeping. You must get consistent sleep and sleep at the same time every day. Obviously you can have a few days off, but I find the further I stray from my schedule the harder it is to get back. You’re also going to need more sleep than a neurotypical. Your brain works harder to do what our society requires of us, so we need more sleep.
3. Outside structure. We need to leave the house every day (which can be so hard with executive dysfunction). We also need outside structure… If you expect yourself to manage your life, you’re setting yourself up for failure. My grandpa has ADHD. When he was six years old, his teacher told his mother, your son is going to need a really good secretary! He’s lucky he’s been able to own his own business and do just that. He pays her extra to manage his whole life. Be upfront with bosses/professors/friends that you appreciate being held accountable. You don’t have to (I would even advise against it) share that you have ADHD.
4. Just stuff like exercise and socializing go a long, long way. Daily routines you can rely on and go back to but that don’t trap you. Learn how you learn, learn what helps you. Try new things. I find when I get stuck places putting on a TV show or some music helps immensely. It gives me just enough dopamine to get unstuck or stop doomscrolling. Stuff like that.

Life with ADHD is so, so fucking hard. It’s just enough of a disability to ruin your life but not enough for other people to believe it’s actually a disability. But there IS hope, and being medicated is a huge start. Is there something specific you are trying to do? I have various strategies I’ve developed for various things. They’re not foolproof. My biggest piece of advice is sleep. Everything for me comes back to sleep.

>>122250
youre so right this is a solid four point list to get my life in order. Food may be the biggest obstacle for me ngl i am very nervous of cooking meat … i will learn asap (my girlfriend is currently trying to teach me how to cook well)

the things i am trying to do? mostly academic things. i'm an undergrad student, i dislike my course (was pushed into it by family) but i'm finishing my penultimate year now so i might as well get the damn degree ..

i struggle with getting the coursework done because i really don't enjoy it. this is the biggest stressor in my life right now, i just don't like the stuff, so it's hard to get myself to do these things. Alas.
and i will keep sleep in mind. I've always known i sleep a TON .. never knew it could be cause of the adhd !

>>122246
forgot to respond to this one in my recent reply..
Yes i am also diagnosed w/ ptsd, though i never gave a thought to its 'interactions' with my adhd. working on finding regular counselling!

I feel like I'm the guy from that Nolan movie who has to write literally every single thing down or else he's going to forget it after 15 minutes. Except, it's just a minute for me. I'd be thinking of something and I'd say to myself "I can remember this I don't need to write it down" and they often end up being famous last words - so for now, writing everything down seems to be helpful.

Also, I am starting to use a reward system to do things. If I don't like studying from something, I try to find something else that's more interesting. If I study for 4 hours, then I can eat a pack of chips. If I study for 8 hours, then I can watch a movie that has a runtime of 2 hours. I sometimes end up rewarding myself and then I go into debt.

ADHD brains can do something only if 1. you feel it's important to you in an emotional way, 2. it's something novel - but once you lose that sense of novelty you give up, 3. it's a challenge (like videogames) - but once you feel accomplished you just end up giving up, and 4. it comes with a deadline attached with huge consequences (getting screamed at, getting fired, etc.) - you have to mind trick yourself into making sure that everything that you do falls into these 4 points - eg. if there is no deadline make a deadline happen. I hate everything.

>>122231
Crush your meds and rail em'

>>123219
>fake it til you make it
>hey kids wanna hear some good advice? just be fake and nobody will be able to tell that you are fake!

what about those who can tell?

>just pretend they can't tell and become even more fake every time someone detects you being fake! just never admit how fake you are.

but doesn't everybody wish for people to be more honest? what about being authentic and unashamed?

>no just be fake instead and insist everything true and genuine is people being crazy.

>>123119
As ugly as you are, therew will be a guy who finds interest in you, social pressure makes ugly men look like social pariah's so, they're automatically feeling inferior to you. Also, no dude likes anorexic chicks (unless they fetishize it), so the only way you can fix it is to stop caring. There are also many humble dudes who just don't care, so approaching them may lead them to be willing to possibly spend their whole lives with you, think about it, if some dude has never experienced love in 20 or so years of his life and a woman changes it, would he not feel an obligation to possibly love that woman forever?
But sadly, girls are hardwired to avoid ugly, or even lonely men, despite all the opportunities out there, it's not your looks, it's your personality that limits it and you vent out here becuase your standsrds are too high.

>>123119
What exactly is wrong with you that makes you think you're ugly? You're probably somebody's type.

>>123119
It’s not possible to come to terms with being ugly, you’ll never be okay with the fact that people will always mistreat you for something that you have no control over. The only real advice I have seen regarding "accepting" ugliness is to ignore it as much as you can: fill the entire day with hobbies and treat romance as a fantasy, like unicorns and magic wands. You’ll never be happy this way, though.

You have to believe that it is possible for someone to be attracted to you. This is almost impossible to do without evidence, unfortunately. The only solution to genuine ugliness is plastic surgery.

Idk if this will help you but u will not be alone forever. Maybe you will just miss out on teenager/early adult romance but time goes on and people get less picky and superficial and value honest connection, chemistry and (material and emotional) availability over other stuff that is more significant for younger lovers.

Not everyone needs to get older to get to that "state of romance" so maybe u get lucky and found someone much earlier that u think. I promise you that you will meet someone eventually. In the meantime work in yourfelf but not only physicaly but emotionally, spiritually and profesionally so you are ready when it happens. Make friends so u know how to be socially adapted and know youself so u know what u want <3

Me too, I hate men so much. Men are so obsessed with sex, I can't fucking stand it. I have had so many men have crushes on me due to my pikachu hoodie. I actually wear a black coat and a face guard when I am not with my most trusted friends.

>>121977
You women(men) are fucking retardard.
>t 4chan users, fucking kys

>>121977
Good morning welcome to 4b

Does anyone here have a few men in their life? I have a few and I'm okay with them, but when it comes to the rest of the men in the world, I oscillate between indifference and mortal hatred (the mortal hatred is usually directed at internet moids).

>>124812
My dad, my brother, my husband. A coworker I don't talk with outside of work. I don't really hate men, I'm just not really interested in them.

What happened in Cassius' life after you said that? Was he punished?

>>124817
The teachers definitely didn't believe me. Security came in to question him but he's still roaming free, I didn't press charges on him. His social life and reputation? Not sure. I remember messaging my high school's Instagram confession page, telling them a fabricated story about how he sexually assaulted me. The account posted the confession. An old friend of mine reposted it. My other friend who argued with Cassius in public, told more people. He even printed fucking posters about Cassius. Maybe it's all died down now, maybe.

>>124818
What you did was wrong, but in all likelihood, you're better off not dredging all that back up. I don't think it'd help him, unless he's still living around the same people in the same place and most of them believed it. Does he know it was you who said it?
If you can, maybe go to him in person, treat him with fairness/kindness and apologize. Explain what happened, why you drifted away and how it's plagued you for years. If you feel comfortable talking about your past, you could tell him why you didn't come out before. Again, this is all contingent on him and where he's at regarding the whole thing. It could cause more harm than good if he's fully moved on in life (and could be construed as dickish and self-absorbed if you randomly barged into his life over your own guilt), but if it still affects him and he's at all receptive to talking with you, it might be worth a shot. If people around him scorn him because of it, I'd say it's also worth clearing the air (maybe say it wasn't him that exploited you in that way, and leave it at that). If everyone forgot or thinks the whole thing was a dumb teenage tiff (which is pretty common IMO), don't bring it up, just leave it between you two.
Do note that if he suffers from any kind of BPD, is vindictive or is unhinged, he'll probably try to ruin your life if you go to him.

he probabyl deseved i tbh, he would do the same to u hif he had the chance

>>124821
I really appreciate your response.

So, yes he knows it was me. I've mentioned that he lives in Carson but that's all I know about where he resides. I could try logging into my old discord account and message him but I think he blocked me. I'll give it a shot though. Besides, I still have to eventually tell people in my life about my behavior.

And regarding unhingness, he is a little weird. He's kind of sensitive, and not in a good way. I could see him seeking revenge. Like I said, I still don't like him. The worse that can happen though is that he probably won't forgive me. Oh well. Thank you for your reply.