/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I'm exactly the same nona. Besides the dysphoric part. It just feels like people trying to pigeonhole you somewhere before you even tell them if you are interested or not.

you’re not dysphoric you are having a normal reaction to being under the constant threat of sexual assault and being expected to allow this to happen to you and smile sweetly. you need to start harming men.

>>126470
i am.

yeah. there's not a lot you can do about it other than being celibate which is what i do. you can't really change overarching social dynamics but at least you can control not engaging with them in private.

>>125902
>he doesn't want me to get an education or work, and I haven't had the chance to go outside or see doctors because he doesn't like it
Kill him.
>my boyfriend is a drug addict
If he blames his bad behaviour on any drugs he takes, he's still responsible for his bad behaviour, don't forget.
>he doesn't want me to get an education or work
Why? There could not be a flag redder than this. This is third world woman slavery level of controlling abuse.
>I can't see the doctor
You know, if you kill him, it's basically self-defence. Not just because of this particular red flag, but it's quite a glaring one, innit?
>he doesn't like it
Why? Because he doesn't like you seeing other people who could remind you that there's a whole world out there where you could be free and away from him? Are you literally his prisoner?
>I think I've only left the house about 7 times during the pregnancy. If I threaten to leave, he threatens
Yeah, he's definitely keeping you prisoner. Trying to brainwash you that this is normal and that if he can't keep you confined and submissive, he'll literally die, that's normal for a certain type of abuser. He's full of shit, he won't kill himself and if he does, is that so bad…?
>he threatens suicide
Unfortunately, he likely won't do it himself. My dad was like this too, always threatening to kill himself and that fucker never did, despite all the times he cut himself (shallow cuts) and took various drugs (also vodka, but also more illegal drugs and weed). When I was living with him and brainwashed by living with him for more than 15 years (you can't help having empathy for someone you live with for this long, especially if your safety depends on their mood, it's instinctual to feel like you need to care for them like a servant) I was so worried about him, like the so goodhearted teenager I was. But no, he did not kill himself, even decades later. If he had, I'd have gotten through that though. You and your babys safety are 1000x more important than your abusers fragile psyche and also his psyche is neither your fault nor even your responsibility! You are NOT responsible for this grown aPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>125902
>>125908
Sorry, that post was way too long…
Please work on getting away, it's not safe to stay with someone like that… What country are you from? Is there anyone you can reach out to? Anyone trustworthy? Anyone at all?

>>125902
If you live in the US then call nearby women’s shelters, community resources, planned parenthood, anything. You’re being abused and falsely imprisoned and they can give you resources and guidance to get out.

>>125902
was this baby planned/wanted? are you in your country legally/have citizenship?
Either way-your boyfriend is setting you up for abuse via babytrapping. you need to leave. it does not matter if he offs himself and it is not your fault because it’s his planned choice. threatening suicide is literally an abuse tactic. not letting you see a doctor is abusive because that’s extremely dangerous to your health. Take the cat outside, cats have survival instincts and can fend for themselves. You and your baby are more important.
Collect all of your evidence to be used in court against him potentially make sure you have things to identify yourself.
Does your family or friends know about this? Try and see if you can stay with them.
Block him everywhere and if he comes back with his bullshit you have to take him to court.
It’s not love to block your wife and future child from medical care. He cannot support you and values drugs more than you. This man is garbage

you need to get that thing sucked out of you

>>126443
I don't think a person that can't woman up and communicate with you directly and maturely is good for you. It's not a situation where you're getting treated with respect you deserve. I bet your relationship had been developing very rapidly and intensely, hadn't it?

>>126446
it happened like slowly naturally over time we connected, she would always respond to me in the groupchats and validate me and was genuinely interested in me so we spoke and spoke and spoke and i got attached to her and she told be she was invested in the friendship for ten months. idk why later on she stopped, she didnt tell me why.

>>126447
and nothing bad happened between us. i was so devastated when she ghosted, i was vulnerable and spoke with psychics out of desperation. im autistic and highly sensitive so it was all hard for me to take

i feel like shes my only true soulmate

>>126434
>>126437
>>126443
Regardless of the post being her or not, the type still seems obvious. She's a blackpill doomer who doesn’t feel worthy of your time or attention. Internalized shame, self-reproach, and a sense of being underhanded or unworthy mean she’ll inevitably ghost. It's a tactical retreat to avoid being perceived. A face-saving measure, by preempting rejection and sparing both of you the painful memory of having to play it out.
Be assured, she values you enough to care that much.

I can relate, but I never let things reach the Discord-buddy or 1-on-1 stage, just to avoid disappointing people. Maybe you two could stay at a comfortable distance as anonymous imageboard friends? The Altchan userbase is small enough that "relationships" like that can linger

>>126026
Wait, just to get it right:
Suit guy 1: cool
Suit guy 2: fetish

Because of suit guy 2 you decided that suit guy 1 is also a pervert and dropped him for a toothless bum?

Toplel

>>126389
reading comprehension deity… I kneel

>>126390
Even if it's about the same guy - kinkshaming is out, fetishes are weird. Droping somebody bc of that (and then proceed to fall into depression) is asinine.

Cutting him out and be cool about it is one thing, cutting him out and fall into depression another.

The tactical question arises: what was the point of this whole exercise? Apparently to make you miserable and show him that his likings are not okay. Both people sad, nobody won.

>>126405
you sound like you're really into suits

>>126408
Archons pushing new, meaningless words for goyim to use as weapons in culture war against each other.

>>126195
It's possible to be in love with one person and also have some sexual attraction to someone else, especially in the early stages of a relationship when you're just starting out. One of my friends felt this way about a guy she met even though she was already dating someone else, but she decided to let go of those feelings because she loves her boyfriend and wouldn't want to hurt him like that. It was a fleeting sort of attraction and she never intended to do anything with it. Some people never feel this way about others while in a relationship, but if someone does, it doesn't mean they'll just cheat on their partner. It'd be a cruel and frankly stupid thing to do. Even if things are not going well in a relationship, normal people will break up (if they can/aren't in an abusive relationship) instead of cheating. For one, because most people wouldn't want to hurt their partner and also because being a known cheater has the potential to endanger future relationships.
>screwed with one of his closest friends
Sounds like he'd wanted to have sex with her for a while and wanted to do it before he couldn't anymore, presumably because he doesn't want to cheat. You can have sex with someone without it being that romantic, although a friendship can feel similar I suppose. I'd imagine that this step messed with their friendship anyway though. Probably also made it easy to cut ties with her.
>I resent him SO much for it
>I haven't told him anything
He did apologise and cut ties with that girl, but imagine if you confronted him now. Is there anything he could say to ease your worries? Anything he could do? Or just listen and be empathetic?
>I've become the most insecure
Can that one instance really do that? Did he ever flirt with anyone else in front of you or said things about being able to get with other women easily? Bragging about anything even close to that he could be a player if he wanted to? If yes, that's a definite red flag, but if not, he's probably fine, right? Maybe you should tell him about your insecurities regardless. In fact, why haven't you talked to him about it? Do you think he'll blame you for feeling that way, for not being able to let go, are you worried about him being angry about it? If you convey that Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Both men and women will get in entire separate relationships and carry out a weird not even necessarily platonic friendship relationship at the same time. Some even a third work husband/wife. Most people now are so hyper focused on themselves that they don’t even see this as cheating. They don’t think about anyone else who isn’t in the room ever. They can be seated next to their gf ignoring them for the female friend they really want. They can be innocent and have the male or female friend desperate for them. These things can stop and start again with no conversation. People and relationships are complicated.

>>126382
My best friends current situation has no idea about me and neither does my own partner. The relationship he and I have is actually the most important to him. I even saved his sisters wedding. No one besides his family my second family really has any idea. We will be together when the coast is clear but right now he and I both agree it’s best these last few years to keep it private between us. His gf has no idea they aren’t getting married and I’m going to go from his best friend to his partner. I pretend we are friends.

>>126322
Fulfilled by and attracted to food, how magical

It's pretty nice I enjoy it

reading this post just made me want to smash my head against a wall. it's so bad that even the slightest mention of a "happy couple" sends me into a downwards spiral. i hate being lonely.

>>126349
Don't chase the bonding chemical highs lol

>>126350
people really get drunk on brain chemicals and then think when they’re depleted or you’ve developed a tolerance it means the spark faded. there was never a spark. he was just love bombing.

Paying income tax is too much findom for me already, don't know how people could stand even more findom

>>126346
i agree. you dodged a bullet nona

i hope you left him. he should’ve been giving that to you. not marriage material at all. hope he goes bankrupt.

don’t say anything to him. collect all evidence of it you can before you do anything. maybe also reach out to her - she likely has no idea. she likely has access to things you didn’t see. she would be able to tell you things if she’s willing you won’t be able to find out. do all of this before speaking to him. if it goes sour you will regret not having proof of this to show people. you could also probably post him as a personal cow so other girls in the future can google his name and it’ll show up. just format it when you post about it as if he’s a stranger you have tea on and post anything else embarrassing on his socials. it likely won’t get deleted like other websites would and will show up when anyone investigates him.

>>126364
tbh findomesses are probably well aware some of their clients are like this
it's like with prostitution

>>126305
hiii :)
thank you so much for the advice!
it's hard coming to terms with doing so badly considering i've been a straight A student my whole life, but i guess my issues had to catch up with me at some point. better sooner than later i guess.
thank you for the kind words and advice :) much love<33

>>126299
>i'm struck with this debilitating fear that this is all I'll ever amount to
Sounds like catastrophising. Maybe check out this: https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#catastrophizing
My cptsd and personality disorder really led to some distorted thinking and I had to get used to just challenge my own thoughts when that happens because sometimes, you're just stuck in that way of thinking where you think that pessimism is realism because your life just sucked and the worst outcome feels emotionally true and inevitable because your nervous system is just wrecked that way… But it definitely won't stay that way noona, I promise! Intellectually knowing that some of your thinking is a bit distorted by bad experiences and low self-esteem helps a little, but emotions just need more time to catch up with the intellectual stuff. Be patient with yourself, it's okay, you'll get better for sure, it just takes a bit of time.
>because I simply cannot deal with myself enough to do uni.
Depression will do that to you, I couldn't get out of bed for the most simple things for a while, it was so damn hard to just get up, I tried to just roll out of bed to hit the floor and damn, it didn't help either. Sometimes you're just so done… there are good and bad days ofc, days where things are just easier but really, motivating yourself to get up will also be easier over time as you heal.
I sometimes still feel a bit like I just wanna stay glued to my bed, but… I can actually just get up quickly these days if it's necessary. It's not like it used to be, now I can just get up when I want to and the want is enough to make me move. But I do remember times when it wasn't that way and damn, I really feel for you noona…
What I can say in retrospect to all that is that I beat myself up too much and I really didn't have to and you don't have to do that either, please please noona be kind to yourself, you deserve so much kindness after everything and you really deserve it from yourself. It may sound appealing to just beat yourself into shape so you can get up and do what needs to be done, but that maybe works one time and what ends up happening is thatPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I was in your position my first year. To the point I had to write a letter about all my issues to get my financial support back. You need to access your university resources, such as Counseling and Psychological services. It should be either free or really cheap (under 60 bucks), you can get to be medicated (which sounds scary but is better than ending up an alcoholic/another addict later on in life or just becoming a burn out).

Focus on that. Really, don't jump into a relationship because it makes you feel good unless analyzing it as well as a 19 year old can. I did that mistake and now I'm at square 1 in my senior year of uni. Make friends though and get to feel comfortable with your professors and environment, even if you feel like a fuck up. You are 19, many people do.

If you have the counseling services and a person who is treating you medically you can ask for accessibility in your university. You can also access this service if your meeting an outside doctor as well. This could give you more leeway, deadline extensions, and just a general understanding given to your professors about a very face value of your health. Also if things slip too far out of hand and you depends on grants/scholarships/pell grant/etc. they can write to financial services that you are a student that needs extra help and your circumstance and diagnoses, and to get you out of the bureaucratic issues of failing classes.

This is all from an American perspective so I don't know your situation. These are general steps you can take at an American University/college if you want to stay in Uni and to get help.

I've heard Asian households can make getting mental health care difficult, like it's shameful. Your parents won't be notified that your using Counseling resources. They only could maybe be notified about anything if you take the route of medication (as an intake assessment might be routed to your insurance company and also prescriptions, but they would be general labels). You could choose to use insurance or not, depends on how fearful you are. You can always ask these people about costs, and they should get a billing person to speak to you. If you're going no insurance route you can use GoodRX coupons on medications.

These are some of the steps I had to take at your age. Please do them sooner than later. There's probably other things to do like study groups, etc. that could combat the inability to work if no one is watching you as Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>126312
hi nona! this is op!
1. thank you so much for taking time to respond to my post, i really appreciate it.
2. I've been to counselling services and been set up with an academic adjustment plan, but they really didn't do much else besides that. I've also sent emails to professors due to missed assignments or tutorials, but I just feel kinda greedy getting too many special considerations or grants. So i've been really conservative with those, because there's only so much extensions can do when the real problem is just me.
3. I was medicated on lexapro, and then setraline, but I was forcefully taken off it because my parents 'don't like me taking meds,' and refuse to help me find other GPs or Psychologists to get me back on, since I'm out of sessions with my past psychs and my main GP is on leave for a long time. I'm aware that I can do it myself since I'm an adult, but it's just hard and I don't know where to look and stressful accounting for everything else in my life. They also don't really believe in mental health either, and I can't talk to them about my mental health since they are the causes of it and since they think that I'm like this simply because I'm lazy and don't want to get better. I tried to talk to my mom about my OCD and she just told me to hit the gym and sleep better lol.
4. i'm currently working so my main goal is to just save up and get at least uni accoms, maybe getting out of this environment will help greatly with my mental health, who knows.
Thank you again for the response<3 big love

Maybe consider going to uni part time instead of full time? It might make the work load easier despite going to college for a longer time. Heck, it'll cut down the costs for sure though

>>125983
update: ive made a pact with a fren to not overthink for all of october and just do things.

i call it "omit overthinking october"

so far i have talked to at least 5 people i have barely spoken to in the past year and it turns out they do not in fact bite

will see how the rest of the month goes

i recommend everyone tries this challenge

>>125984
Share pls

ok

>>125984
youre beyond youre prime anyways stop trying

Okay..

>>126152
So have you ever met in person?

>>126159
yes, frequently