>>13157i'm back again. this did not work. i don't like that community, i feel nothing for/from it. some of my fantasy posts got attention there, and that lulled me into a false sense of belonging, but actually paying attention to what these people are like made me realize that i despise them. i didn't even bother to argue with them, it'd be like yelling at a brick wall. they're a bunch of gross, retarded, low-empathy moids, just like most of the internet but uncensored.
i somehow found one girl on another platform with the same kink. her posts described a lot of the same feelings i have. she even does the same dumb hyperspecific thing that i do. that got me really excited, but she went inactive. i feel like i'm seeking a sort of understanding that's just impossible to attain. i don't want to burden my boyfriend or destroy our relationship. i wish i knew why i turned out this way, and how to be normal. i might just go back to writing stories under a pseudonym and posting them on ao3.