I have very long, healthy hair down to my hips.
I have read about hair care and tried and experimented with different things for quite some time to get my hair to what it is now and this is what i can tell you:
First, i've been told it's genetic too, don't listen to it. What is true, is that there are different hair types indeed. So, if you have thick, curly hair, obviously you need different care than someone with rather fine, smooth hair.
First rule, as in everything else: Less is more. Try washing your hair less often. Yes, it will take a very long time (meaning at least several months) for your scalp to adapt, but it'll be worth it. I wash my hair once a week by now.
The keyword is patience.
The hair is made up of an exterior layer of scales, and under these scales is it's actual substance, keratin, which is a type of protein.
This is also the part that has the melatonin, the colour, in it, so when you bleach your hair, the exterior layer of scaled needs to be cracked in order to get the Melatonin out from the inside. This is why bleached hair becomes frizzy.
This is also why you shouldn't wash your hair with soap, because it usually breaks down proteins. (And, incidentally, why you need actual wool detergent - because wool is hair too and the keratin in it gets broken down by normal detergent.)
In general, washing and any kind of mechanical strain, meaning your hair being moved, touched, brushed is wearing it down and damages the scales layer.
So this means, you'll only want to put shampoo on your scalp, because this is where the talc is that you want to wash away, while you don't want it to dry out the long part. When rinsing your scalp, more than enough shampoo gets into the lengths, so only shampoo your scalp. Also, take as little as possible.
Vice versa, conditioner is supposed to keep your lengths smooth and hydrated and not your scalp. Don't put conditioner on your scalp.
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