/x/ - /x/

I hope it's lights out and that's it. I do not want a afterlife, I do not believe in heaven or in hell. That's all just weird psyops created to control the masses.
I used to want to be isekai so badly when I was younger. I tried reality shifting before that had a name and a trend on tiktok, but it never worked and I always woke up.
I'd always hoped to wake up in a better life were I would be loved and cherished.
Now I am glad there is nothing because living once is painful enough.

>>5965
beautiful

I think I’m biased towards cynicism but I think it’s all over

I'm not sure how nonas find peace in eternal nothingness. I think only having a very shor amount of time to have a chance to experience love, pain, etc any emotion is in itself cruel and unfair. The fact that each person is unique and beautiful (except for 90% of moids) but will inevitably fade away never to be seen again and b e forgotten some day is terrible.

But at the same time i find it hard to believe we just become "nothing". We still don't fully know how sentience works and for all we know this life we have right now is not our sentience's first. Maybe we die and as universe re-births itself so does our sentience. We have a different physical body but the sentience remains. or maybe this is all incorrect…

That's why it's so terrifying, the fact that we don't know. We don't know why the unvierse exists, why the space works like it does. We don't know what it all came from, the planets, the galaxies, and where it will disappear and if it might remake itself. We are just that insignificant

>>10878
Long reply but I have many thoughts. I see both sides because every option scares me. Endless reincarnation fucks me up cuz just imagine all that could/would happen (being born in 3rd world countries in the middle of war, tortured with alien technology on a distant planet, maybe even eventually living the same life again, 1914729938029272 bad lifetimes in a row) or just generally having to live through everything ever imagined. Hell scares me cuz endless torture. Heaven scares me cuz you could be there for an astronomical amount of time and it won’t be any closer to ending and could become psychological torture (look up SCP-7179 if you wanna see more about that). You’re right that never existing again is horrifying as well and I don’t know if I believe something like enlightenment exists like in Eastern religion. I just feel constantly pessimistic, cynical, and nihilistic so maybe that’s why I’m not able to stick to any belief. If our existence is finite then nothing we do matters and will be forgotten if it’s infinite then it doesn’t matter if you were Hitler, an average person, or Junko Furuta because all your actions are finite and don’t even remotely mean anything to an existence that goes on forever though I guess that depends on if you believe in a dualistic or non dualistic religion. I agree it’s all very disorienting and religion doesn’t exactly give the deepest answer for why it is this way. I mean hey if reincarnation is real what will this lifetime matter after the universe dies and rebirths itself trillions of times over? I really don’t know how to get out of this mindset beyond just hoping more people understand it and trying to push it to the back of my head, existential dread is not fun

nightmares about being sold into sex slavery, being naked in public, people mocking my body and calling me a whore. Never experienced this kinda trauma but ever so often I have sexually traumatic dreams. Also had a few nightmares about my mom dying.

>>10904
I feel you, sis. Me too

I’ve had a few bad dreams. I used to have a lot of dreams about school shootings when I was in school, they started maybe when I was 13 or so. As I got older I’d usually just die in them, or respawn like it was some video game. I had a bad dream about waiting in line for food at a restaurant once, and a strange man was in front of me. I said something to him and he became angry, and he turned around and lifted me up by the throat and started to choke me out. I saw his face morph from a stranger to my dad’s face and I woke up soon after that. I’ve also had a dream or two about my dad assaulting me which also made me feel disgusting as soon as I woke up. My dad would never do that to me, those dreams were happening when he was being emotionally and verbally abusive, I was very angry at him and bottled it up so that’s where those dreams came from.

I’m going to just spoiler the rest since it has to do with trauma.
By far the worst dreams I’ve ever had are about CSA. My little sister suffered abuse from family members but I didn’t find out until about two or three years ago and it fucked me up. A little before that I found out my dad also suffered from CSA when he was a child. With my sister it was COCSA from cousins. They were about 4 years old at the time but they still did things to her. When one of them was maybe 9 or 10 years old he tried to touch me too. I was a couple of years older than him (I was probably around 12) but he was on top of me. We haven’t seen them in years and frankly I don’t know what I’d do to them if I ever saw them again. Finding out about that really fucked with me. I still feel kind of guilty even though it wasn’t anyone’s fault. I didn’t know it was happening. I was a child too.

I think that’s when those dreams started. I really don’t want to go into detail but one of them was so bad that I think I became lucid in it. When they happen it’s like the dream is being projected in my brain and I’m forced to watch. I vividly remember begging it to stop, begging myself to wake up and to make the dream stop because I didn’t want to watch. I knew it was a dream, but my brain was forcing me to watch. I ended up waking up, feeling absolutely disgusting. I briefly thought about killing myself. I felt absolutely disgusting. It was incredibly disturbing, and it felt more disturbing since my mind had just made it up. I remember that it was an infPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Most of them end up being so horrible that I have to consciously force myself to forget about them and as a result, a lot of the details have been lost but some off the top of my head:
>Raped by family member
>Random dog mauled and dismembered violently in front of me
>Younger sister about to get kidnapped by 2 creepy guys
I can't remember the last time I had a pleasant dream and I hate it

>>10880
I’ve dreamed about slow and painful ways to die so much. Wonder if it’s past lives or something (tho I don’t rlly know how much I believe in stuff like that)? I also dream about discovering people in my family are incestuous, people/children or animals being sexually abused and that’s gross but they usually leave my head pretty quick but it disturbs me knowing shit like that it actually real and happening out there plus some are so vivid I still remember them

I had a really long dream about some actor/director/manager guy in this comfy worn-down city between some mountains, the sunlight was always nice. He was a funny guy, a scumbag, a jerk, an asshole, probably a rapist and murderer, etc. He spent the whole dream walking around town, meeting friends, having meetings, arranging gigs, going to parties, etc. He went up in the air in a blimp made by a genius kid who was doing props for a set. He offered to make the kid rich, he was rly generous with people. Then I think he was going to go to a sex party or something.

At the end of the dream, before the party, NOT at the party, I was showed up. We talked. He made it clear that this dream was a view of his life, his real life somewhere else, and was not about me, there was nothing here about me. I appreciated that clarification, so as dream-controller, right before I phased out, I "snapped my fingers" and made sure he had a really great sex party and got a couple hot twink boyfriends and made some extra good business deals or whatever.

I feel like someone drew a sigil and it happened to connect to me, like I was a demon in some other reality for five minutes once. I've been watching too many silly spiritual videos on yt.

The city was really nice though, very real feel. It had that nostalgic feeling, like it was worse than before, but still somehow as good as when you were a kid. Always sunset, sunrise, the roads and buildings were old, but plants always grew in the cracks. Th mountains really hugged the town. Idk. Strangely pleasant dream for how evil some of it was.

>>10437
> I was showed up.
Godddddd I hate how I jump around when I type anything long.

I heard a voice saying "Hey, health obsessed girl." I paused and then replied "Who, me?" The voice responded "No, you're white trash girl." Then I woke up.

Super weird one from a few nights ago actually, this one had me wake up in a cold sweat

>Sitting in livingroom of my apartment, talking on my phone to I believe my sister
>"Can a loved one fall for a skinwalker's voice?" I ask her, to which she responds with, "They are almost exactly like you from far away but the closer you get to them, the more you can see that something is just not right."
>a few moments later
>I hear my own voice coming from my son's room
>It is me cooing or baby-talking my 4 year old son, the door is open but I cannot bring myself to look in,
>I can tell that something is not right
>I peek in, the skinwalker or mimic or whatever doesn't see or hear me.
>my son is asleep but it looks exactly like my mom except bald
>it is still talking to him like he is awake and playing it's very bizarre, he is just lying there.
for context, I could tell the thing in my dream was not a future me or my mom it was just some sort of malevolent entity that was horribly imitating me and looked like my mom
In real life my mother is a drug addict who horribly abused me, I thought maybe this dream was my fears of becoming like her manifested in a weird nightmare.

had a dream where me and a friend were gonna go to an event in our local big city where they were having an Ensemble Stars event at a local café. I thought it was cool… but when we stepped into the café, we didn't see a single character from enstars at the event. Instead, it was ran by a lot of realistic furries that kinda looked like picrel. I was thinking in my head "maybe they're enstars furries!" in the dream, while my friend was so disappointed at what we ended up finding. Idk shit about shit about enstars, that's more of my friend's thing, but I just thought it was really funny.

I’m a flat earther but I think space would be cool if it were real. It really has the best urban legends. Like Voyager 1 being possessed and spamming gibberish. Black knight satellite conspiracy, lost cosmonauts, dark side of the moon, etc.

Neurowarfare absolutely exists and it’s likely that the government can already read minds. Just look at what’s commercially available right now, with many people saying they get ads for things they’ve only thought about, it’s not imagined or coincidental. Another logical conclusion (though not necessarily true) is that a great way to make the public think the government can’t successfully fuck with people's minds is to make sure that all the ridiculous and embarrassing failures get leaked and publicized widely and make it a bit of an embarrassing laughing stock, while making sure no-one hears of the successes. Just think about how much was redacted from the MKULTRA stuff.

>>10922
people bring up MKUltra as if it's not 36 years away from being 100 years old LOLE like get with the times old man… thjey're already readinog your mind and fucking with youyr brain to the point you beciome part of the hive bnefre you can even resist, All WIRELESSLY

I wholeheartedly believe that African swine fever virus was manufactured in labs for pork industry, so pork producers could easily get rid of each other.
ASF kills pigs very quickly, is highly contagious, there's no vaccines against it, but humans are not affected by this shit at all, which is really weird, because a lot of zoonotic diseases can spread to humans easily. Also there are no close relatives of ASF virus, it doesn't belong to any known family of viruses.
As I said, there's no vaccines, serums and drugs against it, so the only decision is to kill pigs as quickly as possible, burn the pig farm down and quarantine workers for few months. I worked on pig farm belonging to one huge company (in my country) and it's known fact, that they get rid of smaller farms by bringing ASF virus on them, so smaller farms have no choice but to kill all pigs.
Also, because of risk of infecting ASF, pig farms have complex system of biosecurity that allows a great control over workers, even outside of the farm. From my example, we were prohibited to eat pork from other companies, because long time ago they contracted ASF and therefore their production could be dangerous. Because of biosecurity we had to work in space, isolated from big world, we couldn't bring any means of communication with us (phones, computers, etc.), we had no idea what happened outside, we couldn't go away from our work places, even during emergency, we were completely stuck and isolated. We couldn't bring even our clothes, we had to bath together and wear shitty factory clothes. If something happened to us, no one would know.
And of course, ASF biosecurity protocols don't allow any trespassers, so it's very hard to get on pig farm unless you're its worker. I think, it was done, to prevent any sort of vegans and animal right activists from visiting farms, because if wide masses saw what happens on pig farms daily, they would stop consuming pork in a minute. But they don't see it and wicked cycle repeats itself.

>>10977
i hate humanity & animal agriculture so much it's fucking unreal

>>10975
You understand the MK Ultra was only brought up because of the redactions that were in the release, right? Maybe next time you post you could add a little bit more content instead of just self-aggrandizement.

>>10977
All the pig farms have been on in the US have been pretty good on caretaking, but they are extremely biosecure. I never saw any mistreatments of the pigs or anything. But I have the same feelings about the avian flu. The only difference is that they use avian flu to go after backyard chicken keepers and I don't know if ASF is used to punish small swine production. Maybe because it's less common?

There has never a case of chickens catching avian flu from wild birds, but many backyard flocks were euthanized because of the belief that they had avian flu. There's only recently been a case of a human catching Avian flu, and he was like 65 years old with comorbidities. I really think it's just to make sure people don't produce their own food from healthier flocks and happier chickens.

>>4152
The only time I shoplifted was around the age of 10. For a couple of weeks, my friend and I would pocket these cheap packs of candy we loved from the little gas station within walking distance. No one explicitly talked to us but one day when we walked in there there were suddenly new and very visible security cameras. We took that as a sign to stop.
I'm glad I didn't escalate further or get caught. I don't think the law would have done much to me at that age, but still.

For a while I used to fill up my bag with $100+ worth of meats, etc. and pay for a few of the cheap items so as to not arouse suspicion. The bag I use has a compartment at the bottom that I can fit small items into without changing the appearance of the bag, and I always take advantage of that.
I often buy multiples when it comes to products and clothing. If I know I'll easily get away with it, I'll take a reasonable number and only pay for one.
Many years ago I had a Nigel who supported my shoplifting habits, we often stole food together and cooked beautiful meals. When we were together I was more opportunistic and often stole small things like makeup brushes and skincare products from department stores.
I've never been caught. Only people with a shifty/antisocial vibe get caught.

When I was 11 I stole earrings and hair accessories in a mall and tried jumping the counter to get food on the same run. I got the cops called on me. Never stolen since.

I steal ewaste from work all the time because they just throw perfectly good things away whenever. If it can fit in my backpack and it’s on the disposal pile, it’s coming home with me. Not especially expensive items, but some of them have been pretty useful. I have a really ancient spinny 1TB hard drive that I’m using for file backup. I just consider it recycling. You can’t even dumpster dive this stuff because they put it through some kind of grinder, you have to get it before it goes to the grinder. We’re moving to a new building soon and if it has CCTV, I guess I’ll stop.

used to all the time from big stores. loss prevention at most of these places now is wayyyy too serious for me to want to try anymore. not worth becoming a felon for multiple instances of pety theft.

went to the grocery store recently and accidentally put something in the bagging area that i didn't scan at self check out. immediately the machine started beeping and then played a recording from above of me putting the item in the bagging area… along with exactly what item it was. scared me straight for now lol

>>10622
I can finally post something a bit longer, because I have access to a smart phone and not just a shitty flip phone.

> stalked and harassed since at least 2021
> only heard about gang stalking because of a woman that I thought was a schitzo who fried her brain with meth at the sober home i was living at
> all together there were three separate women out of seven claiming to be TIs
> buy a car because I work either really early (like 3 and 4 am) or work in the afternoon and get off late (11pm and 12am) and I'm getting followed to and from work by guys who look like ms-13s
> get kicked out of sober home by the owners for buying a car and only half of my rent
> kinda sperms out because it's December and ever offer to pay $150 of the $300 I owed and tat is pay the rest before Xmas
> owners record me and send it to everyone in the house with weird rumors about me relapsing and buying heroin at NA
> my grandma is an idiot and calls the owner and threatens him
> owner bragged about having "secret" or some other high security clearance
> live in a couple other sober homes and get my life together
> move into room with husband and pets at an apartment owned by some new age hippy
> realize apartment is really weird: barely any food, no silverware except for butter knives, the cat and dog the hippy apparently owned were missing, the doorknob on our door had no lock, no TV, no microwave, no vacuum or cleaning supplies, etc
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>10757
And this is what happened just this summer.
> decide I need to get out of this giant military town filled with intelligence agencies and private security companies on every corner
> husband agrees
> keep hearing about one particular city with a great punk scene
> my boss and therapist were both from there and made it sound like heaven
> husband and I visit and agree to move there,
> can transfer with my job and so can husband
> try finding apartment but keep getting rejected
> my credit score looks awful and was showing $40,000 in debt which was in no way accurate (I got it fixed)
> try apartment locators but they eventually quit calling my husband and me
> find tiny home for rent by owner through Airbnb
> is perfect and super cheap
> move in by husband needs to watch our niece while his sister is out of town for three weeks
> there's a few other tiny homes and RVs on the large property
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>10460
>>10630
Update a creepy white van with tinted windows and no licence plate has been driving around my street with the driver looking directly at my house. Whoever's driving this vehicle has done this like 3 or 4 times in the past month.

So, this might interest you guys. I've never posted before, but I read this thread and I thought I might contribute my experiences. I've never been a TI, but I have met a handful of people who have invited me to participate in what is essentially gang stalking. Only one of them has been self aware about it though. It's never been a government employee or anything, though it's not unlikely that intelligence agencies use it as a tool. Rather, it's usually just really unhinged individuals or groups of individuals online. Weird friend circles on apps like Discord and Instagram, finding people they think are funny or "crazy" enough to justify monitoring, and doing it as a social activity or group. Most of them don't even realize it's technically stalking, and woe be upon anyone who ever suggests to them how insane and creepy it all is. I think the idea that it's the government harassing most of you schizos is, truthfully, very narcissistic. Nobody here is going to be the woman to overthrow her government or amount to much, odds are it's just a group of unhinged moids (and especially girlies) thinking you're funny to watch chimp out, or crazy enough to get a rise out of. Gang stalking certainly happens, it's a well documented phenomenon, but if you're worried about it, don't look to law enforcement or your government (unless you're a journalist or something, obviously). You should usually look at the online friend group you were ostracized by, or the girl who acts nervous whenever you catch her pointing her phone at you, or the moid watching all your social media stories that you don't interact with and that doesn't follow you. Keep yourselves in good health and informed, my favorite schizophrenics.

>>10758
I hope you’re doing okay

Any thoughts on Antphrodite? He’s fairly popular and I was wondering if there’s anything worthwhile to his videos. I’ve watched some of them and from what I see he mainly does lots of celebrity stuff alongside conspiracy stuff. He apparently got big because he predicted the James Charles drama alongside some other stuff with Britney Spears and Ariana Grande. Idk if I really believe his stuff though but I’m a skeptic of most of this tarot stuff anyways so maybe that’s the reason why

>>10764
I just chanted the enn a couple of times and after a few minutes it happened. I tried doing it recently but it didn't work. I don't remember the date or what time I did it which I think may have played a role. I also meditate a lot. It's like one of those things you need to establish if you want to get on that path.
>I want to try something like that just to see if it would work but I'm not sure if there are risks involved.
There are risks but you can minimize it by protecting yourself. Also are you easily scared? I have saved a bunch of info about dealing with spirits and evocation, down to physical manifestation. I used to browse an old subforum that worked with the 6/7 Book of Moses. It is supposedly really powerful and has a lot of fiery spirits but if you dont know the basics and how to protect yourself, you might get fucked up.

>>10751
I used to hang out in this thread kek
Atm I’m really busy and tired but when I can gather mire energy I want to try spirit flight. I’m a little hesitant because in the past something like meditating made me really dizzy and I had to stop the meditation. Besides that I gathered materials from my local forest to diy a small broom and I’m very excited about that.

>>10780
Let's keep horoscope and Tarot out of the witchcraft thread, shall we?

Is there any sort of spell I can use to kill a moid or at least get them to break up with my friend? He's abusive but she's too stubborn to leave plus she has low self-esteem, so she thinks it's her fault he acts like that as well. Nothing would make me happier than to read that he just wound up dead in a ditch somewhere, but I'll settle for him just being completely out of her life if nothing else

man i'd love to read their journals

it makes make sick the size of the parents look at the moms chubby leggs ……my god

I bet the mom will have to be kept in solitary for the rest of her life, female inmates will fuck your shit up for hurting children.

One of the most horrifying cases I've heard of, things like this hurt me so bad and make me wish I had gone into child services

Many updates on the Turpin Case. After the trial some of the children ended up with abusive foster parents:
>Foster parents of several Turpin siblings sentenced on child abuse charges
https://abcnews.go.com/US/foster-parents-turpin-siblings-sentenced-child-abuse-charges/story?id=114930469
>The six youngest Turpin children were placed with the Olguin family at various times beginning in 2018, a lawyer for one of the Olguins previously told ABC News. Four were still living there at the time of the arrests, according to the attorney.

Jennifer Turpin, eldest sister of the family, just got married a few weeks ago to a dude that looks 20 years older than her. The theme of the wedding was gothic.
>Jennifer Turpin, Who Escaped 'House of Horrors,' Marries in Gothic Wedding Celebration Attended by Her Siblings
https://people.com/house-of-horrors-jennifer-turpin-marries-in-gothic-cemetery-wedding-celebration-attended-by-her-siblings-8748713
> The eldest child of the Turpin family has tied the knot.

>Jennifer Turpin married husband Aron (she has kept his last name private) on Oct. 27 at The Miller Gardens in Rancho Cucamonga, Calif., she revealed in an Instagram reel posted on Nov. 9. "10/27/2024 Wedding Day 🥰🖤💍," she captioned a video of her big day.

>The couple's Gothic outdoor ceremony was attended by her siblings. Turpin confirmed that she invited her 12 brothers and sisters in a response to an Instagram comment asking if they were in attendance. "We did. I just can’t post most out of respect/privacy ❤," she replied.

>Her video showcased the many unique elements of the wedding which took place just days before Halloween including custom glassware with skeleton versions of the bride and groom, a coffin ring box, napkins that read "Till Death Do Us Part" with another skeleton rendition of the couple, and black and red floral arrangements.

>>1305
Remember to kiss your local fish boy today and every day until you're no longer breathing.

When I was little and I'd visit my grandparents in the countryside for the summer, there was this one portion of the road that I always hated to go on. I used to throw fits in the car whenever we drove on that one section. I grew out of it, of course, but years later I learned that when they were constructing that road, they built it over a graveyard and neglected to move any of the bodies, only the headstones. Now when I visit, I try to drive very very slowly over that portion of the road because I don't want to disturb anybody beneath it.

I used to faint at this particular place in the town where my grandma lives anytime I went there. It's like a little square and one one side there's a medieval gate into a pakt where's a castle and on the other side there's a mini zoo for injured wildlife. For couple of years anytime I went there I fainted or got close to fainting. Very strange because I never fainted anytime anywhere. Now that I'm an adult I can go there no problem.
I also sometimes sence when I'm outside that there's a dead animal near. Not my the smell lol it's usually more far away to smell it, but it's like something leads me to the dead animal if I don't focus on where I'm going and just wander.

I've always hated going to the cemetery where my great grandmother is buried, even as a child I hated it. I always felt I was being watched. I haven't been in years and I feel guilty for not visiting her resting place but I don't like the energy there. It feels heavy.
I worked at a school that had this oppressive feel over it. A dark cloud. I hated it there and only worked there a year. It was the worst teaching year as well as personal year of my life. Everything about the place was just off.
I had a neighbor who was an energy vampire. She was too overbearing, too much, had crazy, manic eyes. My first few interactions with her just being friendly trying to welcome her absolutely zapped me, so I stopped contact and mentally put on a suit of armor if I HAD to deal with her. She had bad energy, and as an energy vampire she would attempt to take it from anyone. Smothering, overwhelming, demanding. The frigging yard man banged on my door one morning freaked out about her.
As a child I woke up to see a tall dark figure in my doorway. It was broad, had horns, and was nearly as tall as the door. I threw the covers over my head, then peeked out. It had come closer. So like any child, I yelled for my mom.
The next incident was the worst. Again, as a child, my dad was gone somewhere so I was sleeping in their bed with Mom. In my sleep I remember something whispering in my ear, "Hit her." I resisted and didn't, and the whisper told me to again. So in my sleep or twilight sleep I hit her in the stomach. I've never felt so guilty. Ever.
I hope the shadow figure and the whisper were just weird figments of an overactive child's imagination. In my teenage years my dog stood in my doorway and stared and growled at something in my room when I was home alone and in a different room but could see him. I haven't had anymore experiences like that and as I've gotten older and I've
visited their home when they weren't there I have conducted actions and spoken things for protection although I don't feel anything dark there and never have.
I truly believe there is bad, negative energy in places and in people. When it's in places idk if it's a place of bad things have occurred, unresolved anger or trauma, burial grounds, or even some kind of portal or cursed land.

My great grandmother's old dresser, which was kept in the same room where she died. I inherited it and kept it in my spare room. Whenever I looked into its mirrror, I always felt that I was not truly looking at my reflection, but some distorted perversion of it. Nobody in my house felt comfortable around that thing, especially in the dark when someone slept there. We ultimately got rid of it by selling it off.

I get “bad vibes” from people occasionally and it’s usually proven right: energy vampires, narcissism, cheaters, abusive, etc.

I’ve had a feeling of profound terror/fear for no obvious reason twice in my life. First was driving through a small town. The vibes were, as the kids say, absolutely rancid. Even without getting out of the car once, I was scared just being there and wanted to leave asap, which I did.

The second was when I was working a restaurant. A man, about mids 30s, came in to order food. I felt absolute dread the moment he walked in and was deeply afraid of him. He looked like an average dude, was “pleasant” enough in his interactions (maybe a little too charming), didn’t do anything “wrong”. But even my male coworker agreed with me when I said there was something off about him. Long after he left the restaurant, I was creeped out for the rest of the night.