/x/ - /x/

>>10309
Thank you for your reply. Is there a good book that resonates with you especially? One that has emphasis on mother divinity? A lot of books I come across are very masculine.

>>10310
i liked the book by zuzana budapest in the OP under dianic wicca. You'll see I took a lot of inspiration from her. Mary Daly is good too.
The one that most resonated with me and broke me out of the spell of lies was reading the gnostic version of genesis. I had been raised catholic but since very early realized that the god of the bible was evil. It is especially obvious in genesis: the lie that women were borne from man's rib (and not the other way around), the curses the male god places on humanity like flooding the earth or killing innocents in egypt. He is jealous and vengeful. very unlike a creator and more like a usurper trying to control a creation that is not his. Even from a young age it felt like a trick. Reading the gnosic version is much closer to the truth, though i think their conception of material reality as evil is an oversimplification. the thunder perfect mind is a poem from the nag hammadi library, i think, which has a lot of hidden truths.
Unfortunately lots of traditions about the mother divinity were passed down orally, suppressed, eliminated, or assimilated. If you look, youll find fragments of her in your own culture. Take these fragments and follow them. She is not a vengeful goddess, don't worry too much about doing things the perfect way, just do what you can and she will show you the rest. Ask the women in your family, look at the female figures in your religion, or even look to history or mathematics and philosophy. You'll find her.

About the flooding, according to Plato's work Timaeus in ancient times there where many floodings that actually destroyed civilisations and their accumulated knowledge which they where desparate to pass on to the future generations to the point that underground libraries where built like the ones in Egypt.

Can someone recommend me an introductory book?

This interests me but I struggle to believe any of it personally. Can anyone provide me with some evidence or proof that any of the supernatural is real? Or that there's more reason to believe in any of this than standard Christianity or Abrahamic Religions?

What if Hell is real and most are doomed to eternal torture?

>>11367
Is it like a fear that there's no heaven/afterlife or a fear that we're already in hell or a fear that the apocalypse is what we're living through?

I want to flirt with cute shy nerdy boys, have them fall in love with me, then i want to beat them up, kiss them tenderly(once), knee them in the nuts, hurt them physically, disappear and never contact them again.

>>11541
Extremely based. I have similar fantasies all the time.

I imagine myself having a destructive, drug fueled codependent relationship with another woman. I want us to be possessive over each other, and nothing else would matter as long as we were together. I also fantasize about mindbreaking my pathetic ex. He’s already fragile and manipulative due to past trauma, and I imagine holding his face, staring at him wordlessly as he cries before forcing him down and having sex with him. I want to degrade and humiliate him sexually to the point where he feels deep shame and guilt but still comes crawling back to me to satisfy him every time he’s aroused. I want him to brand himself with my name, and for him to constantly be consumed with thoughts of me.

>>11971
I believe you can change and regulate small things like that over time by thinking about it hard (like in Dune). Do not look in the mirror for extended periods of time. Just do whatever it takes physically (eg wearing headphones for ears) and mentally to change. As for eyesight, avoid computer screens for a few days and especially when you wake up. Go outside and force yourself to read signs and stuff from afar. Put up a sheet of paper with random characters and try to read from as far as possible; then back up as you get better. You can do this at home. I think the body is much more flexible than most think. Over half of people have glasses; logically, shouldn't they have been culled out over thousands of years? I think they started with good eyesight and their eyes simply adjusted quickly and quasi-permanently when they started reading/going on a computer at a young age. If you force your body to another situation you should be able to reverse. Ofc, and this goes in general to anyone, eat well, drink well, run a couple of times a week and do a few pushups; and most importantly, work intellectually and/or read proper stuff. This changes you as a person (and thus your appearance too).

>>11972
I forgot to add that science actually shows people morphing over the years into their significant one; so such (admittedly slow) change is officially possible given the right context. But we also forget faces quickly. Hence my theory that if you don't look at yourself and strongly focus mentally on changing certain aspects you may be able to change yourself.

>>11972
Thank you for the reply

>wearing headphones for ears

Technically this doesn’t cause permanent change. But with miracles and placebo i guess it could

>>11974

I already hate mirrors :(

>>11896

how old were you then? how old are you now?

i don't believe you actually correlate any of these desires to love. i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.

it sounds like you don't think many people (if any) love you, including your parents - you probably don't interact with others enough to catch a glimpse of the spectrum of romance/sex/love or whatever - why the correlation to love?

>>11902
>how old were you then?
6-14
>how old are you now?
20s
>i think you feel like you have to call these, or want to call these violent impulses 'love' to avoid seeing these impulses as what they obviously are: anger, isolation, alienation, and likely a very weak psyche.
>why the correlation to love?
i know that those sadistic impulses stem from isolation and abuse and mental illness and whatnot, im not afraid to admit that because its a rather obvious conlusion, i just dont know what else to call them. like sometimes i will feel enamored by a person, i like thinking about them and having them on the backburner of my mind, i like how they look and i find them hot, but instead of wanting to make them happy all i think about is hurting them and i dont have any interest in doing anything else with them, when i stop having a crush on a person i stop wanting to hurt them. thats why i label those experiences as 'love', there just isn't any other catch-all term that describes the type of attachment that i feel

>>11907
NAYRT, but can you give us more insight into your crushes (since you mentioned you don't date)? are you usually friends with the people you've had crushes on? what about fictional/celebrity crushes?

>>11910
>are you usually friends with the people you've had crushes on?
not really. i kind of have a strange relationships with people in general, i dont usually like my friends as people and we talk exclusively about our shared hyperfixations (usually original characters or media) because i dont care about anything else. i talk to them as long as theyre willing to entertain my ideas and so in return i entertain theirs. its transactional to me. with crushes its different, theyre usually the type of person that id never be friends with because theyre usually not the artistic creative types and creating stuff is my only real interest
>what about fictional/celebrity crushes?
i dont get like that about celebs, usually because i dont find them interesting, but i sometimes have those crushes on fictional characters, tho not all of my attractions are fictional

>>11907
You can all but extinguish old/bad memories. That's why in the (((current era))) they keep talking about "opening up" and "embracing emotions" and so on. Because they want you to suffer. Once you've come to terms with what happened and have acknowledged it you can create a new reality; just experience as much as possible (both good books/media and in life) and ignore the old stuff. It'll get suppressed. The human mind is much more flexible and our mental strength more resilient than they'll let you know. It's also nice to have a proper goal in life (ie working towards something concrete and materially relevant).

>>8697
>>11934
Why do you believe that in order to permashift or respawn you first need to die? I never read it was necessary.

>>11944
i see, i'm honestly pretty skeptical when it comes to second-hand accounts like that, anyone could say anything.

>>11949
i would be happiest if there was nothing after death. none of the options given by major religions is satisfying.

>>11964
tbh i don't think it is, however the respawn community i was apart of for years was based on death-based reincarnation. however, it wasn't like you commit suicide then you reincarnate and more like you undergo the spiritual reincarnation first and then your body dies in the way you scripted. either way, i was a depressed teen and thought i wanted to die so i rlly liked the idea.

>>11965
>i would be happiest if there was nothing after death. none of the options given by major religions is satisfying.
I agree that most afterlife ideas have holes in them but non-existence would be the worst. At least if there is something after death there's a way it could all maybe work out even if we can't comprehend it. Nothing after just feels so definitive

To be more in line with the topic of the thread I wonder if some form of quantum immortality is true, there are lots of stories of people who were about to get into head on car collisions yet they walked away completely unharmed with their cars having not even a dent. It's very odd

>>11964
what even is the difference between permashifting and respawning? Arent't they the same (both being shifting with intent to stay in ones desired reality)

>>11969
Respawning is usually coming back to the current timeline as a new person, permashifting is going to a different timeline as the same person

>>573
Could be potentially easier and cheaper by setting a controlled fire inside your car and locking everything, but dont do it

>>9856
>>6598
Back on this thread 3 years after my initial post. Relationship fell apart after 2 and a half years and I'm living alone in a city with not a single friend or support system. I'm doing uni and even started an antidepressant in hopes of improving my mood but I'm still suffering from the same issues, unable to perform most tasks, can't engage with hobbies and interests etc. I am not really alive, just here.

Suicide is such a beautiful dream to escape into. Dreaming about waking up dead, being hit by a car, dying of disease and finally having some physical manifestation of what's going on inside. I'm craving an end to pain. I'm not fully committed to the idea as I don't think I've hit rock bottom just yet. I still crave love and conncetion though it's extremely far out of reach. Do you guys feel like it was doomed from the start? When I recall my memories it seems there was always a veil of tragedy and quiet alienation over my life. I'm going to keep trying for now but I'm researching methods in the background for when I inevitably give up again.

>>11758
i recommend sasu forum. i hope you find the peace you are looking for.

every now and then I hear about a bunch of dumbasses die because they ran their car in a garage for warmth
makes me wonder is it really that easy to die sometimes

>>11778
>makes me wonder is it really that easy to die sometimes
Yeah it is. I lost my grandma because she got a fucking bug bite while on a vacation and contracted a rare strand of cancer from it. That could've been anyone, you, me, someone we know, literally anyone can die that way and it's horrifying. Makes me feel almost agoraphobic.

I wish I wasn't so scared of death and what happens after so I could just kill myself and get life over with. I feel existential lots of the time because it's likely there's nothing after death which just makes death and loss more difficult. I don't kill myself because I'm scared of everything just ending and also I'm scared of possible repercussions after death

>>11908
I also wouldn't trust men to tripsit, I've seen many men admit that raping someone who's on drugs is their fantasy

>>11876
I had one by accident, I got weed that was laced with it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Literal hell dimension.

>>11926
Yeah I've heard lots of stories about people who feel like they visited the afterlife and how hellish trips make them never want to die

My theory based on stuff like near death experiences is that they have some underlying issues that causes their negative emotions to flare up and form into a realm/creatures but that's a complete conspiracy and I have no real proof for it honestly. Maybe it's a prison planet or it's just our brains being weird, who knows

>>11929
For me personally it felt very distinctly (don't ask me how I knew, I just did) that I was being trapped in a "punishment dimension" that was made out of every negative thing I ever did or thought or had happen to me, like a culmination of all the negative energy I ever encountered. I'm not spiritual in the slightest, I think it's interesting how drugs have very specific ways to interact with the human brain and I guess this is just what salvia does. I was trapped all alone in the universe knowing I would never have a human experience again like talking to friends or eating, I was fully isolated and removed from a physical body experience, and at the same time I could look around myself (not in the room I was in but drifting through a landscape) and everything was just covered with a thin veneer of normalcy but underneath I could see flesh pulsing. It was awful because I knew I was tripping and thought I had just smoked a normal joint, which wouldn't even get me super stoned usually, so I thought I had fried my brain the way you sometimes hear it with people who develop a weed psychosis or something. So I was 100% aware of what was going on and my only logical conclusion was that I was experiencing locked-in syndrome and wouldn't come out of it. I was visiting my mom at the time, and she woke up somehow and found me wheezing on the ground, when she found me it exacerbated my panic because I was convinced she would have to call an ambulance and they would put me away in a ward for people who broke their brains irreparably. If I had been alone maybe I would have killed myself from the hopelessness of it all.

>>11932
I think it's been proven psychedelics reduce brain activity (or possibly reroute it) so it's very possible you entered some weird realm of your thoughts. Then again some experiences are super random like people fighting with SoundCloud rappers or hallucinating bags of onions talking to them, some accurately produce near death experience results like tunnels, life reviews and seeing deceased loved ones

The funeral industry is exploitative and full of people using society's "don't talk about death" stigma to push Christian shit onto the dead even when they didn't follow that religion. I remember seeing a story of a taoist woman who was given a Catholic themed funeral, it's pretty clear this industry is full of some nasty behavior

>>11930
Relatives alone are responsible for carrying out the last will of the deceased. If relatives fail to do so, getting sent off according to local customs shouldn't come as surprise.

I think I’m biased towards cynicism but I think it’s all over

I'm not sure how nonas find peace in eternal nothingness. I think only having a very shor amount of time to have a chance to experience love, pain, etc any emotion is in itself cruel and unfair. The fact that each person is unique and beautiful (except for 90% of moids) but will inevitably fade away never to be seen again and b e forgotten some day is terrible.

But at the same time i find it hard to believe we just become "nothing". We still don't fully know how sentience works and for all we know this life we have right now is not our sentience's first. Maybe we die and as universe re-births itself so does our sentience. We have a different physical body but the sentience remains. or maybe this is all incorrect…

That's why it's so terrifying, the fact that we don't know. We don't know why the unvierse exists, why the space works like it does. We don't know what it all came from, the planets, the galaxies, and where it will disappear and if it might remake itself. We are just that insignificant

>>10878
Long reply but I have many thoughts. I see both sides because every option scares me. Endless reincarnation fucks me up cuz just imagine all that could/would happen (being born in 3rd world countries in the middle of war, tortured with alien technology on a distant planet, maybe even eventually living the same life again, 1914729938029272 bad lifetimes in a row) or just generally having to live through everything ever imagined. Hell scares me cuz endless torture. Heaven scares me cuz you could be there for an astronomical amount of time and it won’t be any closer to ending and could become psychological torture (look up SCP-7179 if you wanna see more about that). You’re right that never existing again is horrifying as well and I don’t know if I believe something like enlightenment exists like in Eastern religion. I just feel constantly pessimistic, cynical, and nihilistic so maybe that’s why I’m not able to stick to any belief. If our existence is finite then nothing we do matters and will be forgotten if it’s infinite then it doesn’t matter if you were Hitler, an average person, or Junko Furuta because all your actions are finite and don’t even remotely mean anything to an existence that goes on forever though I guess that depends on if you believe in a dualistic or non dualistic religion. I agree it’s all very disorienting and religion doesn’t exactly give the deepest answer for why it is this way. I mean hey if reincarnation is real what will this lifetime matter after the universe dies and rebirths itself trillions of times over? I really don’t know how to get out of this mindset beyond just hoping more people understand it and trying to push it to the back of my head, existential dread is not fun

I’m very scared by the thought of eternity so I feel like it may be eternally torturous no matter what. Imagining going through anything for trillions to googolplexes to Graham’s Numbers of years and beyond and it just never getting a second closer to ending is deeply horrifying. The speech that starts at 1:18 in this video really speaks to me. In terms of what I think may actually happen though, I think death is likely the end because all evidence points us to consciousness being a neurological process but I wish we had evidence that it may not be. Near Death Experiences are interesting but honestly I don’t know if they’re real and they’re pretty inconsistent so even if they are real I don’t think they give any information about what comes after.

Current evidence points to the idea that everything ends but I'd like to believe otherwise, I'm scared by the idea of eternity though