/x/ - /x/

I'm not as much of a huge occult fag as I used to be, but I've read a couple of books about blood sorcery which were kind of interesting in their theories. https://archive.org/details/copy-of-enochian-vision-magick-lon-milo-duquette/BLOODM/page/113/mode/2up

I pretty much abandoned hope in getting any sort of power through magickal means to favor a more agnostic worldview; constantly reading about disciplines and what makes a good occultist is all just adding your own structure or form into something as formless as energy. Reading about satanism made me realize how corny and moid dominated most of it is anyways.

If anyone is interested in dianic witchcraft here's The Holy Book of Women's Mysteries: Feminist Witchcraft, Goddess Rituals, Spellcasting. I'm almost finishing it and I'm finding it excellent.
https://dokumen.pub/the-holy-book-of-womens-mysteries-feminist-witchcraft-goddess-rituals-spellcasting-and-other-womanly-arts-1-2nbsped-0937081019.html

Just chant zin uru over and over again lol

http://www.esotericarchives.com/solomon/arbatel.htm

This is a good start for y'all.

Deeper Into the Underworld by Chris Allaun was a neat book.

Wadiyatalkinabeet

one time on youtube i saw an audio about a guy on a radio show retelling about how he was raped by the sasquatch, and i told my friends about it but i couldn't find it so i just sounded like a total schizo, where can i find that video? it lives in my mind rent free

>>8511
Thats just another shitty rape joke. Same as mens obession with the ancient greek "butternut punishment" or fantasizing about men getting raped by other men in prison showers.

So back to the topic, I don't need to go to some wildlife park to see the missing link chimping around.

it's just a typical dude who hasn't shaved in a bit.

>>8511
Probably Peter Caine. He's a troll who trains dogs for a living, and makes art, but he's also a creep who dates 18 year old girls. I don't know what you meant by "seeing audio" and I know this isn't being said on radio, but maybe this is what you meant anyway.

I can't imagine how horrific drowning to death in molasses would be, nor how incredibly humiliating.

not a specific case, but there is a disease that gradually turns your muscles into bone, eventually making you completely unable to move.

it has 100% fatality and there is no cure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibrodysplasia_ossificans_progressiva

>>4919
i went to the mutter museum and saw the skeletons of the individuals mentioned in that article. its crazy. i looked at them for like 15 minutes straight just thinking about what it must have been like. i am very grateful that they were willing to donate their bodies. what a sad but fascinating disease

this disease is also just as fascinating/tragic to me
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesch–Nyhan_syndrome
what disturbs me so deeply about lesch nyhan is that these individuals are self harm machines. this disease has destroyed one of their most fundamental traits of a living organism, the self-preservation instinct. they will do anything they can to hurt themselves, physically or otherwise. its like some kind of fairytale curse, but real. what seems most tragic are the ones who make it clear that they hate the pain but their body is hell bent on destroying itself and their mind cant tell it to stop

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_selfie-related_injuries_and_deaths
Not really strange but it is interesting how many deaths have been caused by selfie related reasons.

I have a morbid fascination with crowd crushes. It's incredible how a situation can go from mundane to exceptionally dangerous in such a short period of time, and so little can easily be done to diffuse or mitigate it when one is in progress.

One of the saddest ones in history, in my opinion, was the Victoria Hall disaster, in which 183 children were died at the base of a staircase in an event hall in England following a magic show.

>>3239
>Which deity/deities do you worship?
Faceless god.
>How and when did you start?
Been worshiping way longer than I can remember.
>How is she/he?
It is wonderful.
>What offerings do you give?
I justtry to do what I'm asked.
>Do people around you know?
Everyone who explicitly did with the exception of a child is dead now.

I'm trying to learn as much as I can about Bona Dea, a deity that was worshipped in ancient Rome.
>Her rites allowed women the use of strong wine and blood-sacrifice, things otherwise forbidden them by Roman tradition. Men were barred from her mysteries and the possession of her true name.
>The house was ritually cleansed of all male persons and presences, even male animals and male portraiture. Then the magistrate's wife and her assistants[16] made bowers of vine-leaves, and decorated the house's banqueting hall with "all manner of growing and blooming plants" except for myrtle, whose presence and naming were expressly forbidden. A banquet table was prepared, with a couch (pulvinar) for the goddess and the image of a snake. The Vestals brought Bona Dea's cult image from her temple[17] and laid it upon her couch, as an honoured guest. The goddess' meal was prepared: the entrails (exta) of a sow, sacrificed to her on behalf of the Roman people (pro populo Romano), and a libation of sacrificial wine.[18] The festival continued through the night, a women-only banquet with female musicians, fun and games (ludere), and wine; the last was euphemistically referred to as "milk", and its container as a "honey jar".[19] The rites sanctified the temporary removal of customary constraints imposed on Roman women of all classes by Roman tradition, and underlined the pure and lawful sexual potency of virgins and matrons in a context that excluded any reference to male persons or creatures, male lust or seduction.[20] According to Cicero, any man who caught even a glimpse of the rites could be punished by blinding.[21]
> Nothing is known of its architecture or appearance, save that unlike most Roman temples it was walled. It was an important centre of healing; it held a store of various medicinal herbs that could be dispensed at need by its priestesses. Harmless snakes roamed its precincts. Men were forbidden entry but could dedicate offerings to the goddess,[44] or, according to Ovid, could enter the precincts "if bidden by the goddess".[45]
Sounds very cool, too bad it's lost in time.

I really want to explore my inner worshipping tendencies again, it's been a long time since I did it. Do you have an altar at home? Is it in your bedroom or in a different room? What do you keep on it?

>>5632
I keep an altar in my bedroom. It features offering water jars, other offering items, and appropriate devotional objects. Sometimes I'll put other things on there to take on the altar's energy.

>Which deity/deities do you worship?
Lots, a mix between known local deities and Roman one - Mainly Mercury and Juno.
>How and when did you start?
I started properly last year, just decided to take the plunge after years of wanting to.
>How is she/he?
Mercury is extremely friendly, Juno was initially hard to connect with. I persevered however, making offerings and repeatedly stating that I would try to live a life up to her standards.
>What offerings do you give?
Frankincense, Myrrh, Dried flowers/Plants associated with the deities in question, Water, Milk, Tea, etc.
>Do people around you know?
Yes, deciding to not hide my natural inclination towards Polytheism was one of the best things I've done in my life. Such a huge weight off my shoulders!

>within a year of 'feeling' that Queen Juno was accepting my offerings, I was engaged and pregnant
She's the best!

>>4340
And no one is surprised

>>4347
Yeah bad decision but it was made so they would educate themselves and better their lives themselves but this happened instead
Cheap internet was a mistake

I used to like the idea of goth boys, but this moid ruined it for me.

Once I got a DM from some creepy Indian faggot. He sent me a video of some asian guy hanging himself, and said that I'll "have the same fate" and that my body will be "beautiful".

>>8354
can we see the other dms? I thought when you said he was goth you meant he wanted to pretend to be a vampire and kill you or some shit.

I guess my idea of a goth is dated.

i used to when i was a teenager, i'd make up a whole new identity and catfish using someone elses pictures and type out my darkest and cringiest thoughts to people. just to test the waters on what is acceptable vs not. i'm sorry pretty random girl from instagram for stealing ur pictures

i wish i was better at lying online just for fun. i think it would be fun to troll an entire community and then drop the ball at the last minute and bounce, leaving everyone in disarray. i've seen people do this all the time, especially when message boards were more popular. i wish i had that kind of maliciousness in my bones but i am too fucking honest to a fault. on the other hand, sometimes i think it's stupid how people online won't believe you when you are actually telling the truth because of god knows what reason, but then someone comes along with this obviously shitty lie and everyone just laps it up like candy.

I used to lie all the time. I would go on places with lonely men, and larp as their preferred women based on what they would say about their lack of a love life. I would casually talk to them, let things escalate with the male flirting with me, and then I would give them something like a rejection letter before ghosting them. Rejecting them would be even more entertaining if they had already shared their deepest insecurities.

Lying online is fun, its like acting or playing pretend, it's an imaginative exercise.
Its fun to see peoples reactions to certain things (in some ways this manifests as "trolling").
I constantly play "what if" situations in my head, and the best way to test some situations is just by lying.
Its just fun.
I guess if you wanted to get really analytical you could say a bully pretending to be a victim secretly feels bad or just wants attention. You could call it an attempt to cope with deep seeded wrongs in their lives, but that is all explanations non-liars come up with because they can't accept that lying is just fun.

i used to lie a lot online when i was a teenager, and a lot of it was stupid small things no one cared about either way. i don't even know why i did it, i kind of just did it because i could.

>>2815
My point is that if what I said was true, then you wouldn't accomplish anything by trying to cure your video game addiction. Not without at least finding some way to understand your original problem. If you just tried to stop pissing in soda bottles then you not only would you be trying to solve the wrong problem, but you'd be woefully unsuccessful at it. In the worst scenarios it can end up being an endless cycle of never making any progress.

Does anyone have very vivid daydreams? Similar to fever dreams but obviously not.
I have them when I'm close to falling asleep and shortly after waking up. Most are not too visual, mostly inner monologues and imaginary conversations.

>>7087
Yes, it's like halfway between dreaming and being awake, and only somewhat lucid? I find that I can chose the starting scenario but then my subconscious takes over.

not sure if it's MDD or not but i just want my daydreams to stop! i have no control over them and this has been going on since i was a teen. i have accepted this to be a part of me but over these few years it has gotten worse and has led me into many embarrassing moments where i accidentally speak to myself out loud, saying my intrusive out loud, physically acting out the movements in my dreams and i have no control over them. i look retarded and i desperately want this to stop.

I kind of do this too, way too often. I have to remind myself to be grounded in reality because after a while day dreaming makes me so depressed that the irl is not the same

>>6262
Oh yeah I used to do that all the time. I've always been "cute" and "needed to be protected" and I would play that up like nobody's business. I'd act really innocent to the teachers and professors, really act like I'm giving it my all, and then I'd be able to get away with damn near anything because I'm "just nervous and doing my best". Hell it worked with anyone. I was smart but also "quirky" enough that even the punks of the school were my friends and they'd help me cheat regularly.
I think my magnum opus was when there was a ridiculously hard test in class that I was sure to fail. I pulled out all the stops on that one and just started crying and then the teacher was like "ah uh maybe this test is too much, this won't count against any of you"

My parents had put me in really difficult classes and I had no choice but to start manipulating people to survive but I've never been the same since then. Now I constantly manipulate others, including my family, with the cutesy act even when I don't need to. The thrill of completely outwitting someone is addicting.
>I love lying and controlling the reality in someone's mind.
Yep that's me to a T.

To add onto >>6279 since I've calmed down a bit since I posted that

I do really feel bad though sometimes. Like I'll feel on top of the world for manipulating someone but then just wish I could be honest with them and not have to put on an act and second-guess every action I take. I'm at the point where everything I do is pre-planned. "If I say this maybe people will take pity on me and continue to give me stuff" or "I should continue to pretend I don't know how to do this so other people do it for me" or "ok let me make sure to stand like this and add in a few stutters here and there, that should really get their guard down"
It's scary to be honest in life though you know? If you put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable, you could be hurt or end up having to do something you don't want to do. If I didn't exploit people, I don't think I could make it on my own.

>>6306
The issue is you should be learning to rely on yourself, that's what youth is about, that's why everyone is kind of nice and changes the rules for you when it seems too hard.
Later, you won't have any help, and you won't have any experience. You're condemning yourself to be a pick-me. If it disagrees with you, I suggest you try and fail now, and eventually succeed.

>>2537
>it's just that women are more emotionally intelligent and thus have more options. Men will absolutely fuck you over emotionally
This. I would say that more than half of all men consciously try to "manipulate" people (by which I mean friends and gfs, not vendors at the flea market), and the only reason it doesn't go anywhere is that they suck it. They don't feel remotely bad about it, quite the opposite, they do it to try to live up to the power fantasies that society has encouraged in them. Unfortunately for them, they have no talent so these ploys usually just amount to more laborious ways to piss people off. There aren't that many that could manipulate others for meaningful gain.

>>3436
Pretty much this. So many people can only think of "manipulation" in this cringey abstract way, like they're a high ranking CIA member or a Game of Thrones character trying to protect themselves and further their tangible interests, but the reality is most people (particularly most people in places like this) don't have nearly an interesting enough life for there to be some manipulation worth doing. If you're reading this you're probably just a community college art student or something, there's not much to be gained by manipulating people. You'd be way better off if you just kept doing a reasonably good job at your occupation and try to be friendly and fun to be around.

I used to be obsessed with fictional characters and husbandos. I've now been obsessed with a celebrity for two years in the midst of the pandemic. The fascination and the realization he's not a good person under the persona somewhat ruined my life and I'm tired of it, but what can I do? It's not secreting out of me easy.

i've been chronically online since childhood and never had anyone to really look up to (shit parents) so went to the internet, fictional characters, and celebrities. most prominently my chemical romance (especially gerard way) since age 11, not in like a stalkery fangirl #cutforbieber type of way but as an inspirational source and appreciation for the music. it's waned out as of recent though it did get a bit too far at times. other than that, i used minorly to obsess over VN characters and otome game boys.

>>2989

Not sure if this is Namjoon-stan from a different thread, but I have been too. Before that, it was fictional characters. I have used it as a way to cope with my single-ness And virginity. I must have masturbated to this idol and the fictional characters I used to imagine myself in a relationship with, over a thousand times by now.

>>2988
aw anon this is cute, i wish i could do the same but i feel too self conscious in my own mind if that makes sense, i used to do it when i was little and a weeb but it waned of with time bc i felt cringe, but it was really nice and comforting. i should try doing it, it was fun

There's a girl I used to me mutuals with before I deleted that social media who was super nice and asked me twice to join her discord because she wanted to befriend me, but my avpd ass rejected her invitation both times. Now I stalk her daily (been doing it for ~6 months so far, since I deleted) and sometimes I have imaginary conversations with her.
I wish I could stop the stalking since all it does is to hurt me and remind me about the lost opportunity for a good friendship (we pretty much were a perfect march, lots of interests and views in common). I have been getting better slowly when it comes to my avpd and Im trying to improve myself, but I still want to kms for not being able to interact with others like a nornal human. I wish therapy were affordable….

>What do you think happens after we die?

Nothing. Everything just returns to what it was like before you were born. I don't really believe in an afterlife since I'm not religious. Well, only as a sense of comfort for my loved ones that have passed and that bad people, who managed to get away being bad their whole lives, actually have somewhere they go to get punished. I guess those are just the reasons most people want to believe in an afterlife, though.

>Have you ever had a near death experience?

I don't think so. Several times I've been almost hit by a car and miracly survived each time but it wasn't any kind of out-of-body death experience. It did convince me there must be some kind of spritiual power / guarding angel-things out there though. That's just happened to me too often to be a coincidence. I should have turned into a vegetable by now, but the cars would stop just inches away from me every single time and I would be completely unscathed. Other than the last time it happened, when the car did manage to slightly hit my leg and I had to limp on my way to school. Still wasn't a serious injury though because I managed to activate some kind of cat-like resources to dodge edge of the fucking car right as it was pulling up.

i believe in reincarnation. it sucks that we’ll probably never truly know what happens. western society puts too much of a negative emphasis on death though. maybe people would be a little less scared if we approached death differently.

>>6116
DMT experiences also differ a lot from NDEs. The only thing they usually have in common is an out of body feeling.

>>6128
Woah mind… blown…

>>6200
i kind of think it's better that we don't know. if people knew what happened after death, they would either give up/become apathetic if it was just nothingness, or if there was some otherworld, try to manipulate the dead for their own personal gain. we can't just leave things alone, always got to fuck it up somehow.

but on the other hand, i don't think when we die we just disappear but at the same time i don't think everyone continues on/reincarnates. i have my suspicions that you get a "choice" what happens to you and sometimes i think some people just choose not to reincarnate. personally, i've had some weird experiences like dreams that suggest maybe i've lived more than one life, and i've dreamed of people i've known coming to see me again to let me know they are still "alive", but at the same time…i just don't know, so i try not to worry about it too much.