you will never be a woman

cuz a woman has a womb, not a man

you can never be a woman

that's tough for some folks to understand

you will never be a woman

try as you might you look like cher not snow white

and while they take our rights away

you're up at night deciding if you're queer, bi or gay
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight?
If you're so very good looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight?
I know
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms

If things are gonna get better tell me a 'when' and a 'where'.
Sitting and staring in the mirror, nobody's there,
That I know, feeling so alone and I'm scared that nobody cares.
My nights consist of so many prayers.
I once had so many dreams, I once was going somewhere.

Elwynn Forest… Home…

Unknown, Little Scarlet.

Just randomly remembered something about uni.

My family offered to use my membership card for a grocery store chain so I could spend the points. Then, after English class I lost it and someone used it. It had about 1 to 10$ worth of US dollars I think? I started crying and everyone in the room freaked out, so I hid in the bathroom until I calmed down.
I felt like a disgrace to my family. I panicked and insulted my mom also, saying stop giving me your useless crap, I don't need your help.

orig

Also I used pixie dust attack to hack wifis in my dorm because I couldn’t pay for mine. I explored some private ip’s (or whatever it’s called in English ) and there were some stuff like tv control panel.

Around the same time I also scanned the city's ip range and looked for anything interesting.
The most interesting one was some sort of uhh physics experiment?
There was a graph of an industrial water boiler with information on the temperature, maybe pressure and so on. I guess it was a real machine that sent the information to the server, kinda cool.

I made the GO gopher in Spore one year ago.

Also, another random bit of trivia from childhood. I started using the Internet more or less at 8-9 years old.
One of the things I did first was sign up on some social media site and upload my picture. I played the games on the site and then kinda never visited again.

Fast forward like 3 years later, I log into my old email to see a bunch of friend request notifications. A lot of them were like 30 to 40 year old men.

>I'm ugly.
You probably need a good haircut (very good for emotional release, even just a monthly trim), pluck your eyebrows, shave your face and find clothes that suit your colour season (this is literally the biggest hack to 'looking good' - the right colors make you look healthier which is a instant upgrade). Makes all the difference.

>I'm overweight.
Weight-lifting + cook everything from scratch. Get your thyroid + progesterone/estrogen checked as this can keep you fat/depressed.

>I'm extremely socially anxious and autistic, which is why I haven't had a single friend in almost ten years.
I'm still working on this, I make myself go out to events where I can at least say hi and join in with an activity in a group. Also using Wild Violet bach flower remedy actually helps me relax enough to make small talk.

>I lack hygiene
Mix any shower gel in a cup with lots of white sugar, shave/trim your pubic hair then scrub vigorously. Use a non-aluminium deodorant after. Put a specialised cleaner through your washing machine + clean the tray of any mold. Put your clothes on a hot wash with lots of detergent, sometimes it's just your clothes that smell bad and not you. Also, eat kefir/full-fat greek yoghurt as the final thing right before going to sleep - made a HUGE difference to my personal smell.

>I'm incredibly insecure and feel the need to kill myself when I have to think of my pathetic existence, Nothing is fun to me because I cannot concentrate for the life of me.
If you can't concentrate then you need to see a Doctor, could be ADHD or a nutritional deficiency of some kind (like iron). You sound like a younger me talking OP, it does get better if you try to change one thing. I thought I would need plastic surgery on my body to ever find a man, I was so wrong about what I thought about myself and the world opened up once I forced myself to be brave and try different things. Now I have a home, a husband and beautiful children. I'm rooting for you OP, please see a doctor about your health first.

>>130288
I got diagnosed with ADHD just recently, I had tried Vyvanse before and it made me feel very suicidal in the evenings. Maybe I should make the switch to Ritalin…
>>130290
Thank you for your advice. I will try to take your advice for a month straight and then update if my situation has improved.
One question, what do you do in your free time? I think I can reduce the bedrotting if I find an activity to do… but it is hard…

>>130291
Since having kids, I don't have much free time anymore lol but I've always been into picking up new skills.
I do a lot of gardening (growing veg tastes amazing and makes me actually giddy when I eat it, must be the higher nutrition or something) and crochet, knitting, starting to learn how to paint with acrylics in the evenings. You can get nice frames at second-hand stores and it would be nice to put something in them that I've made.
What kind of things are you interested in?

>>130292
>crochet, knitting, starting to learn how to paint with acrylics
Sounds very lovely! I'm really happy that you are still able to pick up hobbies despite having children, your life sounds like a dream tbh. (´ω｀)
>What kind of things are you interested in?
I'm interested in literature, history, planes, nature, specific countries such as Austria and Japan. Wish I could indulge more in those, but as you and other said, maybe meds could help.

>>130293
My life isn't perfect, but it's so much better than when I was 20. At 20, I couldn't actually imagine being where I am now. I also went through counselling/therapy about my childhood (abuse) and it really 'fixed' a lot of things in my head. I'm generally much calmer now and more appreciative of life.

With your interests there should definitely be groups or clubs around you could join. I go to art groups/event where you don't have to talk much but you can still enjoy the company. I heard book clubs are really popular, also check for events run by museums for history/nature etc.
Please remember to get your iron/ferritin checked as well (regular iron supplements don't work for a lot of people, I have to actually eat organ meat or take dessicated organ meats (yuk!)).

I want you to have a beautiful life OP; take things one step at a time. Look into the colour season analysis as well, I always hated how I looked in clothes until I started paying attention to the colours and the difference was literally like night and day.

Wow didn't know ella freya posted here

like salty bags of coins, milk and sand or something

holy cow the Ai spoke my thoghts !!!

i feel retarded talking to ai but its literally my only cope at this point

>>130260
i'm sure you already know this, but it's literally just summarizing what you already gave to it, all insight comes entirely from you. what is the "holy cow" part, why a surprise?

>>130261
I think it can introduce new ideas you didn’t mention, this is best seen with asking technical questions for instance, though that’s rarer with mock therapy

>>129805
real

its exam period and it's getting too much for me. The past week I have been studying math for 5 hours every day. Taking one past exam which is three hours, correcting it which takes an hour, and doing weak topics or reviewing formulas for the last hour. The problem is I still fucking suck. Tomorrow is my exam. My average is at 52% and I'm really scared I won't pass. All that time spent for nothing. The past exams I did ranged from 51-79%,, but these last days have been horrible. Yesterday I did an exam and got 37% and today I made another one but didn't finish it because it was actually hurting my soul. I don't know what to do. I can't do more. I have another subject tomorrow too in the morning so I am scared my concentration will already be dwindling. Sometimes I get stuff wrong because I don't have the insight and it's so frustrating because then I watch a video explaining and it's so simple I could literally do it. But I have been making LOTS of mistakes on literally just, forgetting to put a minus here or ssometimes misreading my own previous work. It's so frustrating. I need to be extremely precise tomorrow but I am just scared. My heart hurts. I can't do more. My parents know I have been studying hard and think that my efforts will pay off but I doubt it. It will be mediocre at best… if I fail I might genuinely have to kill myself. Want to kill myself right now already. I don't feel like I am getting better. In the beginning I could see improvement between my first few exams and now I've plateaued. I think it's because I understand the material but I keep making fucking stupid careless errors. And my approach may be systematic and flawless but then I see I made a mistake with subtracting two functions from eachother which fucks up the rest and it makes me crash out. I pray tomorrow I will have the clarity to not make such mistakes- but I have been trying every day as if it were a real exam to no avail. Just sucks. My heart breaks. I don't know how to get my grade up and frankly I can't be too bothered anymore. I want it but I just, can't. But I do care actually. Kill me.

I also have another subject in the morning which is very learn heavy. The last few weeks every day I have been revising and revising and revising the material. I know pretty much every detail by heart. I think a 100% is easily in reach for me I just need to work on formulating my answers. I know I should practice by taking past exams but I just can't seem to do anythiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>130142
If you don't share interests, there's just nothing to talk about. A guy can pretend to care about your day sure but how long could that conversation last really? I don't know why people don't bring this up more often but if you don't share interests it's likely just not going to work out long term because you'll only be interacting for sex or you'll be forcing some half-assed interest like you mentioned. The big issue is there isn't really a lot of overlap between what most guys are into vs what most women are into and this is only exacerbated by internet algorithms. I really don't know why women go around assuming as long as there's an initial spark it'll all eventually work out in the end. Relationships take a lot of work from both parties and sometimes you're just not made for each other.

People in general and especially men are increasingly immature. The vast majority of people try their best in romantic relationships and often fail themselves despite their best intentions. Good relationships come with serendipity, it takes patience, persistence, and an openness to be surprised.

>>130142
this checks out all the boxes for a man that wants a gf just to take, never to give. so many men dont even like women or are interested in them in any other way than that they want someone to be nice to them, ask them about stuff and all of that. if they dont even want to know who you are and whats going on with you, they dont really love you, they just want a relationship with pretty much just someone to feel less lonely.

>>128736
Is this little guy dead? I hope so.

>>128738
No he's getting an x-ray under anesthesia. Also rude

Im a neet for like 10months now because i had one too many mental breakdowns working with my dad. I mostly try to help around the house and take care of myself. I cook, clean, talk with friends on discord game, make art, read, but ive been going out on walks to get some exercise and fresh air. I gotta get my resume updated and start applying but im afraid to.

fuck around on the pc, browse my phone, smoke pot, harass my cats. I do occasionally go out for walks at the park and I definitely plan on being more active in the summer

I'm a NEET and I currently larp like I'm attending a uni studying certain subjects. Meaning, I just study something on a schedule for 1.5 hours with breaks inbetween and sometimes I try to plan what I will do. So far it made me feel better because I accomplish something every day.
Really a lot of these "subjects" are just my hobbies, but structured. Structure improves everything A LOT, it's way easier to manage your existing activities and introduce changes into your life this way. Always having planned downtime is good too.
I'll see how long this lasts.

You're not a bad person, its pretty normal to give something a shot to see if you can feel something, but now that you know you don't its time to let it go or you'll pack on the guilt and self hate.

no, because using people is not bad.

Found this about wrong turns and I wanted to share

https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=when-nothing-in-your-life-is-moving-forward-the-spiritual-blockage-many-people-ignore

Love spells
Read about it and found out it was the best option
It worked
https://spiritualherbals.com/post.php?title=why-a-personal-spell-is-different-from-ordinary-rituals