What do you all think about written erotica? I feel like it is harmless and doesn’t have moral or ethical issues like porn. Is it like mental cheating? Asking for a friend…

I only want to live on earth with femcels and asexuals in a cottage core village

>>133721
It's joever

A couple of months ago, I broke up with a guy I’d been seeing for four months because I felt I was no longer in love and saw more flaws than virtues in him. I ended things just hours before a trip we had planned. Two months passed, during which I saw other men (he knows this) and I even came close to starting a serious relationship with someone else. But having to see my ex every single day at work drove me crazy, and suddenly, I felt an urgent need to get back together with him. After all, he’s a man with many positive qualities, and most of our memories together are wonderful. So, I went back to him. A few days ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Now, I feel like I love him madly, but I can’t for the life of me understand how he could have forgiven me and that makes me doubt his love. In just two months, he’s really turned his life and habits around, while I just spiraled into depression, using hard drugs and going out to clubs. So, why me? Sometimes, I just want him to go back to being that man who was obsessed with me, the one who prioritized me over his studies and his job but, ironically, it was that very clinginess that pushed me away in the first place. We’re talking often, but I have this visceral fear that he’ll abandon me, get bored, or that his busy schedule will mean we see each other less and less. Right now, I’m only working part time and not studying, so I feel like a failure compared to him. I want to be with him all the time. I’m obsessed with him, and so far, he’s been reciprocating. Damn, at first, he said we needed to take things slow, but now I’m his girlfriend. I want to be with him forever, and I want him to be obsessed with me too. His family (mom and grandma) hates me, he told them everything bc he needed to vent somehow, so that’s an obstacle, but he keeps telling me that getting back together was his own choice, that he wants to be with me, and that I shouldn’t worry. But I can’t stand a routine where he’s busy and focused on his own affairs, while I’m just one small part of his life. It’s clear that I’m more attached to him now than he is to me, so I constantly overanalyze our interactions, trying to impress him, trying to be funny, putting on a fucking performance, all in the hope that he might become that boy who was once in love with me again. Sometimes I cry in front of him and tell him exactly what I’m writing here, he listens patiently and offers reassurance, but it’s not enough. At one point, he told mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>133898
You sound very, very borderline. This reads like textbook bpd.

>>133758
The plan is to get a marriage of comfort for as long as I need until I'm on my feet and I can adjust to adult life. That way I don't have to worry about being homeless or having bad health insurance or whatever. The most ideal would be to get a lavender marriage where my spouse knows my plan and is ok with it all. They'd be getting a good cook so eh it might actually be possible.

I'm only planning for failure in the eyes of people who think marriage is about love and not a financial contract. And I mean it could be about love I guess but come on.

>>133701
>have to fuck him
you dont actually. just say you have sexual trauma and want to work on it, then never do it. maybe go to therapy to cover.

>>133762
You sound like you might as well just get a roommate

Save money and fly the countro, I know it sounds very hard and I might not be being empathetic about your situation enough. Yet what you describe? oh my god nona that sounds so awful.

I'm really sorry for what your family did to you, it sounds like so nuts omg wtfff they are all nuts

I think if you can fly and leave that country do it. Do not miss that opportunity. Fly and leave the couuntry and never look back.

>>133783
Lol the closest I've gotten to a lavender marriage was actually a foreign girl who wanted a greencard. I think in her country I would automatically be considered a resident after that so I could do that. Hmm I need to text her.

>>133818
Your number one priority should be to figure out what psychological problem exactly it is that you "have", i. e. getting a diagnosis from a doctor. Don't take some random medicine if you don't even know what it is that you're trying to cure.

>>133848
>the thing is, unfortunaly i myself dont fully know
You may never know. I think its important to make peace with that if you go on a therapy journey because these things vary from clinician to clinician. The subjectivity of this science is its biggest flaw. Even diagnostic manuals (the big ones are the DSM and ICD in the west) show different disorders and models between them. There are disorders in the DSM and ICD some clinicians don't even believe exist (for instance John Hopkins is pretty dismissive of structural dissociation, despite enough robust evidence for several diagnoses to exist based on that model). At the end of the day you have to decide, "is this helping me?" That is all that matters.

>>133847
>Such a shame because from what you're saying prozac sounds really nice, but yeah maybe i should just stop being a bitch and try getting back in therapy. Thanks a lot again!
Admittedly, SSRIs did not help me, and I am skeptical about their viability compared to placebo, but I can't deny it does help some people or that some people perceive it to be helping them. I'm not going to say "don't try them ever." But definitely wait and try other things first. Wasting a bunch of money on this stuff is disheartening and I won't lie to you and act like therapy is definitely going to help. It didn't for me and doesn't for many people, but it is worth a try not to suffer, right? I would look into low cost therapy options. I know sometimes they're associated with universities. Wish I could help you more with this, but since obviously this is an anonymous site, I wish you the best of luck on your healing journey.

If we’re sharing our experiences with meds, I took Prozac for a few months and it helped a lot, and even then my doctor was very insistent I find therapy. My mental dropped to its previous levels when I stopped taking it pretty much. Prozac (specifically, the European brand for the same formula) is extremely cheap in my country so I don’t think you’re going to bankrupt yourself if it ends up working.

Still, keep in mind that even when they are effective you need to pair them with therapy and work.

>>133850
>Your number one priority should be to figure out what psychological problem exactly it is that you "have",

i don't think that is wise. doctors will either prescribe you a pill, prescribe you a surgery or some kind of therapy. physical therapy is different but psychological therapy in many cases is just checking boxes in a questionaire oder answering questions that result in recommendations that you could have easily come up with yourself if you bothered to did some digging yourself.

also i reject this industrial perspective of problem-solution. what if there isn't a problem? what if what appears as a psychological problem is completely reasonable behavior given the situation.

what i believe to be a way better approach is to build a model of mental health. what is mentally healthy? how to achieve mental health? doctors deal in disease and not in health. any respectable doctor would spend most of his time advocating prevention. an approach like that i expect to automatically fill any gaps if there are any.

>>133881
>i don't think that is wise.
But taking a random medication, despite having no idea what your "problem" is, or how that medication will ultimately affect your body, since you have no medical or psycho-therapeutic know-how whatsoever, is?
>doctors will either prescribe you a pill, prescribe you a surgery or some kind of therapy
You realize you don't actually have to do whatever it is the doctor recommends you to do if you disagree with him, right? The point is just to get a basic idea of what the problem actually is, from a person that has a professional understanding of the human body / mind / hormones / psyche. And even then you can still disagree with the doctors results, if you have reasons to do so, but it will almost certainly give you some degree of insight or at least perspective on what's wrong with you, some degree of information that you can use to evaluate the problem. Again, my point is that identifying what it is that is causing you anguish is the number one priority, once you know what the problem is, you can choose how to deal with it as you see fit (be it with medication, therapy, taking a different approach to life, etc).
>what if there isn't a problem? what if what appears as a psychological problem is completely reasonable behavior given the situation.
Then your therapist / doctor will tell you as much. And even if they try to ""sell you on being mentally ill"" because they are ""greedy and in cahoots with big pharma"" (I'm not american, so I don't know in how far these sorts of claims are based in reality or if they're just a popular superstition. I can say for certain that it's untrue for my european home country) you can just tell them no (but I've already explained this concept of getting a 2nd opinion and then still making your own decisions beforehand). But this is irrelevant to the OP regardless, because the OP already identified there being a problem with her life. As long as the OP feels there is a problem, there is a problem with how she feels. Technically she could "get rid of the problem" by ceasing to view it as such: she could just "stop caring". However, as she has described "making the lives of those around her way worse" due to what she perceives as a problem, stopping to treat it as a problem would entail an abandoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Yes—this can be normal.

During penetration or strong arousal, the muscles that control urination can relax, and pressure from the movement can stimulate the bladder. Some people also notice a little urine (or “leakage”) especially with deeper penetration, certain positions, a full bladder, or intense stimulation.

What helps:

Try peeing beforehand.
Use a position that gives you more control over depth/pressure (or stop and adjust if you feel it happening).
Place a towel on the area to reduce stress.
If you do pelvic floor exercises (Kegels), many people find they reduce leakage over time.

When to get checked:

Burning/pain, strong urgency, foul-smelling urine, blood, fever (possible infection).
Wetting that happens often even when you’re not aroused or pressure is minimal.
Trouble holding urine, or new leakage after a change (e.g., childbirth, surgery).

>>132319
Did you use ai to write this

idk cause i thought me holding my pee was lowkey an orgasm but like i dont think i know what an orgasm really feels like like i beat my clitty while holding my pee and then i go pee in the toilet and i feel like i came or smth idk. how do i gen make myself orgasm. is peegasm orgasm? does it count? to me it does tbh cause i like the feeling and i get super wet discharge when i do it like that

>>133863
sounds normal, just make sure to put a towel under you

I have learned to live with suicidal ideations as a recurring thing since I was a teenager, and I view suicide as an option if things get really bad with no chance of getting better. I distract myself with music, tv, and video games. I also have no friends

>>130300
>My next therapist used 'talking therapy' which involved me getting things off my chest, then they would give their professional feedback on thought patterns or behaviours.
That does sound helpful, and even though I didn't go to therapy because of childhood trauma, I wish mine was like that too. I wish she would give her professional insights on my problems but instead, she just invalidates every single one of mine. I tell her I have issues with masking constantly since I was a child, and her response to these kinds of things is "No, you don't seem to have that problem"?? It's like going to the doctor because your knee hurts, and they just tell you "No, your knee doesn't hurt. I think you're just imagining the pain!" She also told me that I cannot be autistic because my of my good ability read and write, and because I can feel emotions (I thought she was kidding me but no). What she probably meant was that I cannot be autistic because I'm a woman lol.
>there are extroverted nice people who like the same things you do and will make the effort to connect - so please don't hide from them :)
Well that sounds encouraging, I have met extroverts before who were very kind to me, I guess they liked that I'm quiet because that gave them more space to talk hah. I think I will try to attend such meeting, and if it sucked, I won't have to see the people ever again.
>Keep posting here with updates:) I believe in you!
Thank you anon, I will update under this thread in a month or two from now, I'll try to do as much of your advice as I can!

>>130301
I'm really sorry about that, but I am positive that we can make it out of it. As you have said, you were able to pull yourself out before a couple of times. Also I think it helps to hear of other nonas who went through the same and got better eventually. I think putting in a bunch of effort is worth a try, no matter how hard it will be.
>>130303
Hmm, I have heard of obese people being prescribed stimulants such as vyvanse for weightloss since it suppresses your hunger a lot… Maybe make him aware of that. You'd solve two problems at once.

>>130301
How does your body feel physically? Do you have an illness? I know I said to the OP, but please also get a full blood panel (including serum iron + ferritin) if possible.

>>130287
How it going OP?

I have crazy but lowkey useful advice.

what i did was get an adhd diagnosis which is honestly really easy like anyone can lowk larp it. i mainly kept asking my therapist abt why its so hard to focus and stuff over and over and kept explaining my adhd symptoms so i could get adhd meds to lose weight, and i got it to a high dose so now i lowk feel happy on the adhd pill and stuff. so like it helps with weight cause u lose the urge to binge. stimulants help with it. us ND girls are more prone to binging cause we're trying to get dopamine. when you are skinnier u feel prettier 100%. thats the first step to it.

>>133678
Do not. Do not listen to this.

There are going to be lots of moments in any relationship where other people seem enticing. This is normal. Other people are going to seem more exciting because you don't know them. They are fresh, they are new, they are different.

And that is entirely why this is a mistake. You have a perfectly good boyfriend. You know him, you feel safe with him, you feel comfortable with him. You've spent a good amount of time with him already and you know you that you're compatible together.

You haven't actually dated this other guy. You don't know what he's like in a relationship outside of how he wasn't ready to commit to you earlier when you were closer(red flag).

You're already emotionally cheating given how much you're fantasizing while interacting with him. Your boyfriend doesn't know and won't have to know but if you go further you might just end up with someone who isn't consistent and will leave you with nothing while losing your current boyfriend too.

thank u all for the replies. I want to elaborate it's not that i'm idealizing the guy. we were friends for a while and I started to fall in love with everything i got to know about him. For me new people aren't 'enticing' at all because I want a connection before anything else. In my opinion friends to lovers is the way to go. That's why it's difficult with him because we already have a history and I know him. And truthfully his qualities resonate more with me than the ones my boyfriend has.

>>133681
your comment brought me back to reality. You're right it's crazy to think about breaking up for someone who isn't even clearly communicating with me. When we had the conversation he showed regret not being more direct with me and asking me out. But he still isn't doing that- maybe because I told him i didn't want anything more. Then again, I also said he could always text me if something was up. So he knows he could ask me. Instead he is making playlists with my name on spotify and telling me in the description to reach out to him. I won't interact w that anymore. If he actually were to communicate w me I'll say I'm in a relationship now.

thank u nonas <3

>>133677
yeah you should break up if only because the longer this goes on the more it will hurt your current bf when you inevitably betray him

>>133685
You will break up with your current boyfriend so you might as well do it now, think of it as charity so another girl who’s satisfied with just one good man can have him

i feel the same abt a bf ive had for like 6 months, idk why. ive had the same experience, the guys nice respectful super chill, we recently had a nice chill conversation about life and stuff. idk why i want him aswell. i wish my bf would breakup with me but i also dont i want both at the same time

>>133770
Because in cases of abuse the abused is often not in the right mindset to prepare and compile evidence.
Meanwhile the abuser is collecting and documenting every time you even so much as slightly snap back at them.

>>133775
I would never kill my baby. I love them dearly. If it were just my husband and I, I would have gone the murder-suicide route a while ago.

>>133778
Thank you for pointing that out. He, and some others, have recently revealed that he's been covertly starting a smear campaign against me, including embellishing and outright lying about things I've done or not done, making up a postpartum psychosis diagnosis, all while leaving out his and downplaying his own actions and accusing me of "collecting evidence" to "make him out to be an abuser and take everything from him." Quotes being his words

>>133778
He has also stolen and destroyed notebooks in which I've recorded incidents, and broken into my phone to delete proofs.

>>133778
yeah, that makes sense to me. I just assumed OP meant he'd receive the custody even if she did present her side of the story.
hopefully a lawyer helps you OP, best of luck

you do not have close friends but you do have friends right? even acquaintances. please, i am begging you, talk about this to a woman you know, ANY woman you know. that is not related to him, to help you

Ask your parents for help

your extended family

anyone you have
anyone you can trust
your therapist(if you have one)


for him deleting stuff: use your own phone, change all passwords (if necessary) and always keep your phone on yourself. never ever let it get away. sleep with it in your pockets or panties. use cloud storage. try aes encryption if necessary


make a document. make a timeline of events. add proof if possible. photos. videos. urls. anything. ask a friend for help and if none use ai to reorder the document if necessary.