>>127076
water hitting rocks on a beach is something happening. the ocean is very powerful. go sit by it and it’ll draw you in a friend with the tides. don’t trust any man who tells you he’s been having visions of you doing this however.

I can’t believe I just started this job a month ago and already developed a crush on this moid. He doesn’t even work with me since he’s in a different department but I wouldn’t describe it as a crush at this point but a borderline infatuation/obsession. I’ve never had one before so I don’t know if this is exactly normal. I’ve been isolated from other people for so long that I have no standard normal behavior to follow or emulate. I’ve stalked this moid on socials and went out of my way to create a Facebook just to see what he’s posted on his account. His account is just mainly normal posts and doesn’t seem very active. So it stood out to me to see that he’s finally posted last month for the first time in a year of him playing his guitar which I found cool. He’s easy to find online but doesn’t have too much of an internet fingerprint it seems. I even searched him up on those find people sites where you can see someone’s address and if they have any criminal records. Not sure exactly why I did that since I don’t really care to know where he lives but that’s when I realized I should chill. He comes across as an asshole at times even though I don’t interact with him much but I’m not sure what it is that I see in him. I think this might just be me feeling this way after he’s went out of his way to talk to me and help. He’s also lanky and has acne all over his face yet I’m still finding myself like this. I feel pathetic

>>127076
It's hard for you. I'm sorry it's hard for you. Sometimes things are hard and we need someone to struggle with us because then it doesn't feel like we've failed, it just feels like things are hard right now. Things are hard for me too, not in the same way, but I'm not in a good way at the moment and I hate cleaning too.

Your daughter is kindergarten age; it will be work but you can teach her some basic chores to help you out around the house. As she gets older she'll be able to help out more. I guess you could live your life for your daughter. Get her to try in school. Tell her you didn't and you wish you could've, how important an education is so she doesn't end up optionless. It's what my parents told me, and even though they were clueless about how bad things were going to get, I tried in school and I have options and I'm glad I tried in school if only because it means I don't need to worry about money now. I still worry about money, but it's a middle-class worry. I don't worry about money the way they used to worry about money, money as the progenitor of arguments. Money as an either/or. Either we have dinner or new shoes, so I better bear with these broken shoes. I'm glad to be out of that struggle, but I think being poor taught me a lot about resourcefulness, and how far you could stretch everything you had. When I was a child I found duct tape on the ground while walking to school, and I treasured it like gold. When you're poor, small things bring you great excitement and joy. I hope she loved the beach, it would've been nice.

Don't live through your daughter though (harder than it looks). Live for her. I don't have a child, I hope to have one some day, but I imagine I could love my child so much that I'd do anything to make their life better than mine. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'd love that child and even if I couldn't do much for them, I'd try tell them all of my mistakes, and I'd try guide them away from those mistakes. I know it's futile; we learn through failure. I wouldn't force my child to get a job, I think school is a full-time job as is. I think I'd love my child so much I'd find a way to make things happen. A child deserves a chance, but I'm not American so I don't know how much opportunity the land of opportunity still proffers. I don't have a child so I don't know what it's like to have a child.

But I know what it'Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm getting a bit sad as I realize there's a real need in social groups. I used to really hate the idea of subordinating myself to rules but I wonder if I must choose safety over agency.
There's strength in numbers that I lack - I am not as impervious to societal dislike as I thought once. Honestly I thought that it's disgusting to cover for one's weakness by seeking protection from the crowd but sometimes it's simply smart.
Maybe this anxiety will just pass on its own. I can't imagine maintaining group relations with a bunch of people I don't care about for that long. Maybe the choice is more than just safety or agency - maybe I can get more benefit out of groups. I don't know.

"I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else/ I'd rather be beside you in a storm than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart."

Most people are profane and incapable to love. Not a single feminist is capable to love.

>>127087
Men are dense so you need to convey your intentions as clearly as possible, perhaps this might help.

>>127096
i had a man saying he saw me in his sleep and intended to marry me act like a fuck boy a month later. i wish i wasn’t giving off an insane vibe but i am and men will lie to me because they want in temporarily. every guy thinks being the guy to get me into bed is like a conquest and they want the intensity part without the devotion part. i think the idea of permanent attachment scares the shit out of them but you don’t become one soul in two bodies casually or for a short time. they want to say they want monogamy but nothing is scarier than not getting to play their field. that’s the point when they then come back but it’s too late at that point. cos MY soulmate wouldn’t have done that and poof feelings gone. which is when they want to have feelings for me again unfortunately.

>>127095
agree with the lyrics so much like if i choose you, i choose YOU. plus storms are intense and sexy. wind whipping our hair around while we clutch at each others rain soaked clothes? and when the sun comes back out it’s because we weathered something and earned it and now we know nothing can part us? literally so much sexier to me than something that’s all sunshine. that’s real. that’s something that isn’t going to die after the honeymoon period. intensity lust and passion can actually last. you don’t have to marry golden retriever bsf vibes and act like that’s goals. i’d rather shoot myself in the skull than be some bangmaid to some guy who is more interested in gaming than emotional intensity.

>>127087
Why do you want to be owned? That's gross

>>127099
No it isn't, when two people love each other they belong to each other, there is no decrease of freedom from this, unless you intend to whore around. Nta btw.

it's kinda true but mostly for a specific subset of humans some would call turbonormies

it’s all just brain chemicals. you experience a lot of them at first when you like someone. you get them intensely during sex if you haven’t had it for a while. then it wears off. that’s the honeymoon period. men get bored especially. i wouldn’t say it’s turbo normies at all. i think gross nerds tend to be too unstable to stay together and constantly think they could do better because of movies. hot people tie down another hot person but fuck around a lot. nerds change partners but some will have relationships with very little sex. two gross people fucking can’t even turn on the gross people. there are examples of this all over the internet. it’s always a fantasy they want. also when you get someone fat or a woman taller than a man or someone with acne or frizzy hair or bad teeth or downward facing breasts. it’s just hard to maintain the fantasy they first stepped into once they really start looking at their partner. they can look at porn that’s much better and if you’re out of shape or gross it’s better to jerk off to them and go back to gaming. it takes special people who aren’t just slaves to brain chemicals and have more going on inside. and it takes two people who can’t keep their hands off each other who physically fit together in a sexy way.

>>126931
maybe you're autistic or something because that doesn't sound like very unreasonable to tell about (1 life event that explains visible life debilitating change) especially if op asked him or if they "hit it off" hard enough

>>126935
im an evil hag spirit

>>126830
I'm not sure cute outweights crippled + porn addict this doesn't sound like a good deal
I knew a guy who suffered nerve damage from a failed an hero attempt and the constant chronic pain makes it extremely hard to function and not to abuse painkillers/porn to deal with it

>>126931
I'd like your thoughts on this but I've come to believe inceldom is a cope that only losers use to explain being social rejects without having to face their own inner ugliness - this mix of indulgent laziness and entitlement to muh waifu that results in the bitter inceldom we know, in my experience moids who come to terms with their unattractiveness or take some accountability are less likely to fall into it

>>127081
i know ugly guys absolutely drowning in pussy because they have charisma. incels nerf themselves. also the difference between an ugly guy and a cute one is often just a tan and fifteen pounds of muscle. there’s something to be said for any guy with cow eyes brown curls who is medium ugly honestly. i kind of like their quirked up features sometimes. i find the male celebrities pushed at us as sex symbols too sterile. give me a joe keery type that’s sincere with a head of great hair and developed an actual personality over that for sure. also a lot of traits in men incels like are scary looking and would make me have an ugly daughter.

>>126858
It's ok to be by yourself

>>127088
it wouldn’t be l’amour it would be mon amour. bebe is more like literally a baby. you would say mon bebe at most but i’m pretty sure the word you had on the tip of your tongue was cheri. like you aren’t passing as people who even know basic french. which he doesn’t really. but it’s very interesting that you’re changing VPNs and writing back and forth as him and yourself leaving alleged love notes. where you both sound like the same person and use the same phrases. i’m telling you right now rhiannon; not a single soul on earth believes on the day he got engaged he was writing to you on the unsent project. no one believes that someone else is trying to make you look bad or frame you. you are quite literally impersonating a married man and trying to fake a fucking affair. you wrote J you had been sleeping with him every month they’d been together. this is actually so fucked up and no real friend of his would act like this. i have never in my life met anyone as messed up as you with so little of an excuse. you had an amicable breakup and he even tried to be your friend for years while you sexually harassed him. he had to lie to you so you wouldn’t turn on him because everyone is scared of you. you’re obsessive and violent and now your new limerence stage where you are trying to fake the most feeble evidence of an affair i’ve ever seen. do you actually think he would be texting anyone in a place his wife could see? he has your number dude. he would just text these things then delete them. no one is posting evidence of an affair and J doesn’t have a brain of actual oatmeal to fall for it either.

>>127088
i think the thing that bothers me most honestly is the lack of creativity. come on. coeur. miel. bijou. these are literally the most basic french terms of endearment. i’m not even fluent and my pronunciation brings shame to my entire family. like there’s not much sanctity of that relationship to defend and i’m only doing it because i feel bad for J. no wonder she’s trapped in this us against the world thing. but god can you at least write well? you’re a thirty something year old woman and the kids taking french in 7th grade wrote better love notes to each other than this. he’s no author himself but i wouldn’t have dated him if that was the best he could do at twenty i wouldn’t have given him another glance. and you’re trying to make it look like he writes like that at 30? you’re his worst enemy dude.

also i’m in a mood today so just saying him thinking i’m cool and trying to imitate me isn’t flattering. you don’t tell a girl something bad happened to her because she trusted a stranger and then stalk her online and start trying to copy her aesthetic. what exactly would he be the avenging angel of and what exactly would god have to say to a man who defends rape? i get the rosalia religious psychosis song is trending and people are about to start jumping on my crazy girl shit too but it’s disturbing before it became trendy he was doing it to the particular girl i am to him. skinwalking being an angry victim is so fucking crazy to me. you will never fucking be worthy of spiritual insights straight from the source you have not put in the blood and isolation and devotion!!!

>>127046
>the memories are yours forever

That's not what alzheimer's and dementia said

>>127048
Well then you’re just screwed and should find a way to euthanise yourself before you hurt your loved ones

you can’t take loved away.

People stay when they're getting something from you. Doesn't mean you're a bad person if nobody stays with you, just that you need to learn skills ppl need. It's like a job.

>>127064
this is so true it breaks my heart. and men only ever want one thing. i wish i’d never found out how quickly i would be discarded when i couldn’t provide sex temporarily

i know I will get hate for that, but femininity and masculinity is biological, it's not a social construct. Gender is biological. That's why I reject my biology. I hate my biological femininity and what it entails for us in sex.

I don't feel oppressed by men. I feel oppressed by my biology. Especially in sex.

>>126757
>I don't feel oppressed by men. I feel oppressed by my biology. Especially in sex.

Explain?

OP it sounds to me like you're taking what you see in p*rn for reality. I guarantee you it's not.

>>126663
This

>>126666
No they're fucking not. It is a skewed, reductive view of feminity.
You're so wrong that Satan himself blessed you with demonitc digits lmao

>>127072
i agree. you have to watch porn to have these thoughts. stop watching that shit

>can you ever heal from growing up unwanted + ostracized by your peers?
This one is really hard desu and requires a lot of support from others to recover. Bottom line is you need to be wanted and accepted by others.
If the extent of the damage done to you by ostracization was limited to your self-esteem, you'll probably have an easier time recovering by simply glowing up and changing your environment to a less racist one. You have an issue but you're pretty independent socially.
But if there was serious damage done to your socialization to a point where you're self-isolating weird etc then you'll need much more actual help.

>>125731
Not OP, but sometimes I think some women in spaces like these sort of take it as a slight against all women when a woman talks about feeling ugly, lonely or pathetic or like a loser or something, and they feel the need to overperform how much of an outlier she is or that she's probably a larping moid, like embarrassedly saying "she's not with us" in case an outsider conflates her situation with yours. I don't think that's very fair. This mindset is why I never feel like I can vent about never having a boyfriend before, as if that's somehow remotely implying that applies to everyone here. It doesn't and you shouldn't care what hatereading scrotes think, even with perfect optics they would still make up bullshit reasons to insult women anyway, as they always have done for centuries including back when female outcasts were less prevalent than today.

If anything, I think it's a bit of a horseshoe to imply all women naturally live fabulous lives free of any insecurity, stress or problems. And maybe I'm being a retarded schizo, but "pinkpill" seems like an Inglourious Basterds wrong fingers moment. I thought feminism is the purplepill, and the pinkpill is moid discord/preddit tranny shit.

I dunno. Just seems a bit strange to argue we need to ban women for feeling miserable or suffering, and assuming an anecdote of a girl being harassed by moidlets is actually unrealistic anti-woman propaganda.

>>125739
There has been some complaining about "embarrassing" posts here on /feels/ but really I don't think this thread falls anywhere under that umbrella

>>125731
I’ve only ever seen men have this experience you’re right.

Does anyone else have the urge to gain the attention of only the hottest people to compensate for all those years that you felt like you looked like a monster? Because I think that might be the thing that's ruining my life

>>127057
but I have no desire to be secretly evil or whatever. I think I act dumb so much that I don’t feel like being smart. it doesn’t feel bad when someone treats me dumb either. am I becoming a dog??

>>127066
It depends why you don't care, but I think it can be more good than bad, assuming it's not because your self esteem is just low and you agree with them. Like your judgement is less clouded by emotional hang ups and the other person reveals a lot more about themselves by treating you like this anyway.

>>127067
i agree i think it can be good to not be obsessed with people viewing you a certain way or needing to prove yourself

>>127067
I know I’m not dumb, but it’s just fun to be dumb? people say I’m clumsy and just gloss over anything intellectual with me which should feel demeaning but it doesn’t? but anyways this all stemmed from the horror of being normiefied! I was expecting the standard “don’t become a braindead normie” responses to op but nonas seem to generally agree it’s ok to normiemax?

>>127069
I generally believe you should be able to act like a normie when the situation calls for it. If you aren't truly a normie you won't turn into one by accident.