>>127451Thanks for asking and sorry I'm replying so late
I'm sad I'm furious I'm angry etc. The good thing is I'm starting to feel it instead of being numb to it.
I was very socially retarded for a long time and after unlocking a certain memory I realize why kinda
Like I had a classmate who didn't like me and made passive aggressive remarks towards me. One day we gone over to her house with other classmates and she just tells me to stay in the other room?? for something?? and I think I finally get to chill alone. But I didn't realize what I was doing was kinda setting myself up to find silver lining in shit treatment too much, really she just wanted me to fuck off.
It's embarrassing and led me to many dumb situations but also it's something that made me extremely adaptive.
Like I end up like being a weird lure for certain people that's capable of fucking them up suddenly and I don't really get traumatized too much but like… It's not worth it. It just isn't.
I'm like this very weird person you overestimate at first due to my detachment, then you underestimate me cuz you realize I'm actually just stupid then I end up re emerging in a real weird way.
I still hate myself for not caring about status and disrespect so much cause it just made socialization harder tho.
Sorry if this rant ends up weird. I think it stems from my childhood where I had to make up my own rules cause I didn't want to play by my parents'.