Anonymous 126028[Reply]
Anyone else struggling with being caring or selfless with a hard time setting boundaries fated to be endlessly disappointed by people who shaft, lie, cheat, steal and otherwise take advantage of one another?
Not being able to say no. I like everyone to be happy. But I feel like people just use each other constantly.
Anonymous 126030
My best friend is like you. I've significantly helped her with saying no to people, and we celebrate every time she tells someone "no."
The best thing you can do is reflect on times you agreed to do something you didn't want to do.
>Why did you agree to it?
Is it really about 'keeping peace,' or is it that you're scared of an outburst if you say no?
>Why did you regret agreeing to it?
Is it because that person never does anything for you? Is it because you forewent something you wanted to do? Is it just because you were already really tired and stressed, and you just agreed to do more work?
Reflecting deeply is most of the solution, you can make a plan for the future:
>Hey nona, can you drive me to (distant location) tomorrow night?
>"No, sorry, I'm really swamped with housework and need to catch up," or "Sorry, I've been trying to fix my sleep schedule and I need to be ready for bed by 9p.m."
Don't lie, obviously. If you actually are swamped with housework, they might offer to help you beforehand, which may work out better for you. If anyone is genuinely offended by such reasons, and they don't offer a helping hand, then they're genuinely bad people and you should welcome their scorn. I'm perfectly happy to burn such people for good; I have said "No sorry, I'd prefer not to" to people's faces (I got the idea from Bartleby). Some never speak to me again, yet others are still close friends.
Being useful doesn't make you respected, it just makes you get used. I'm only where I am because I'm a bitter, jaded person. It's not better to be like me, you shouldn't burn bridges like I do. It's lonely. Find something in the middle that works.
Anonymous 126031
>>126030>Is it really about 'keeping peace,' or is it that you're scared of an outburst if you say no?I'm scared they won't like me or want to be my friend if I don't do it.
The moment I stop making an effort, the friendship and/or relationship usually stops in its tracks.
>Is it because that person never does anything for you? Is it because you forewent something you wanted to do? Is it just because you were already really tired and stressed, and you just agreed to do more work?I've regretted it if they're abusive, disrespectful or hurtful afterwards. I don't necessarily want them to do "something" for me.